Tuesday, February 26, 2013

To Make You Feel My Love

Showing love through laughter
Each year on Mom's anniversary I try to pen an inspiration. Sometimes it is hard to find a topic as you cannot rehash the past every year. You can only put your memories on paper so many times and you can only explain in writing so many times the journey you have traveled. Yet it is still important to pay tribute.

I was going to write Mom a letter about getting married and about this new journey. Then I decided for me getting married is just another chapter and I am the same person as I have said a million times before. Something hit me as I wrote the letter in my head. For years I beat myself up that I did not show my love properly. I wondered if she even knew I loved her. I was a teenager so of course, I was no saint to her. I was never rude yelling or dishonoring my parents in any way, but I didn't hug them enough or share my feelings enough. My Dad respects this about me now and he knows the way I show my love and he never asks for anything more because he just knows he is my hero and I love him more than anything in the world. It's so easy to write feelings for me, but not communicate them... So, it hit me... I realized at times Nick will ask for more out of me showing my love. Instead of writing it in an email or performing a task for you, he wants me to show affection more and to express my love. To me, I think, Wait, how does he not know I love him more than myself, more than the world? I realized I show my love in my own way... thus, I realized I showed Mom love in this way. No, I was not great at telling her or loving on her like I should have been, but I remember standing there by the couch when she was very sick one night. I cried wanting to take away that pain, I told God make me hurt, not her. I would try to cook for her, I remember trying to make my parents a candlelight dinner setting one anniversary, I made her videos of her old photos, I handmade her cards and I will never forget the first time I had my own money to get her a gift and I got her this GAP sweatshirt she loved that was a lot of money for me and we were both beaming... this is how I showed my love. She had to know this is how I showed my love. I cannot beat myself up anymore because I realize I DID show my love in my own way. Sometimes she would come and sleep with me on Saturday mornings for a little bit and just doing that together was love. Watching our recorded TV shows together and sharing whatever food we ordered together. I mean, there are so many memories that show love. No, I was not great the way I should have been, but I did what I could.

Brenda knows when Dad and I hug her and give her a big pat that makes her body vibrate, that means we love her. My dad is better at it than me, but I communicate so much better in writing and in action. I do hug on people and verbally communicate my affection more because I've learned a lot from loss over the years, but at the root of it, I know how I communicate love best. Mom knew this, too, I now believe. So, as I get married, back to the original thought, it is hard doing it without her. She would love Nick and I know she would have loved to go toe to toe with him in a witty argument. Someone asked Brenda and I this year if they would have been friends. I said, Heck yes, Mom would have truly enjoyed her. It's great that the world does keep turning and our worlds keep turning. She will always be here in spirit. It's so important to make others feel your love the best way you know possible. Share it. Make it count.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Rules

You hear all the old wisdom... "Don't go to bed angry." "Agree to disagree." "Don't change the other." I think I've gotten those rules down. Maybe so, but I'm learning more and more about marriage each day. Most parents make it look easy. Mine did anyway. I had this idea for marriage that you go singing and dancing into your new house with all your stuff and your dog and your cat, and your life is perfect. I am learning marriage is work. Great work, but to get there it takes working together. I'm not yet married, yet I know getting to that wedding aisle is work. You have to work together with the one God made for you to get to that singing and dancing place. We've sat for countless hours talking about things, and still then you don't know everything until you actually live together. You can say, Look I'm going to fold the toothpaste this way, and, Hey, I like to throw my towels on the floor. You can say it, but until I see it, I cannot act on it. I truthfully don't see how people just jump into marriage without thinking. We have thought through this for almost five years! I'm ready to hop down that aisle!

Plans are going well. I've gotten the dress, sent out the Save the Dates, gotten my eight bridesmaids in order, all that fun stuff. I've done just about everything you have to put in stone. Now we move towards the bachelorette parties, the showers, the shoes, his ring, the honeymoon, the cake topper, the programs, the gifts, ya know... I have a planner so I don't pass out, and boy, does she help! We are getting married in a Catholic church so we are going to start going to some classes this week. I think it will be pretty neat. I've had to remind myself at the middle of all of this are two people uniting in marriage. I'm still me, yes, but, it's about both of us. It sure is fun to get wrapped up in all the hoopla, but when it comes down to it, we are the ones dancing and singing into our new lives. So we know, "Don't go to bed angry," as I never leave Nick if we have a disagreement, we sit down and figure it out because I don't want my eyes to be all swollen the next day from no sleep... and well, it's the smart thing to do. And we know, "Agree to disagree," as there are just some things in the world you may never see with the same heart. "Don't change the other," yes, we know, because we are both stubborn people and at heart we are both pretty good folks, so what's there to change? Parents make it look easy. You know why? Because Nick's parents have been together over 30 years and follow these same steps. My parents were together 27 years before Mom passed and they always worked it out. Brenda and Dad have been together since 2003 and they put God in the middle of everything and work it out. So hopefully one day we can make it look easy, too, that is, unless he folds the toothpaste wrong for over a year.


Thursday, February 7, 2013

Save The Date Photos

We took some pre-engagement photos for our Save the Dates... I decided not to do Bridal photos so she threw this little mini session in! There are a lot more photos, but I had her just edit five quickly to get our cards out. Planning is going well. It seems I have almost everything in place... except the dress... That could be pretty important! I am meeting with the planner this weekend so we can finalize the Save the Date cards. I also have a shower set in Big Spring and Dallas!!! Everything is really exciting, but also overwhelming at the same time ensuring you don't forget the small details. We also have to figure out big things like where we are going to live... I think we will live in Nick's house in Plano for a while... and ya know, the honeymoon! It's very, very exciting!!!

These were taken in Grapevine. I wasn't so sure about my hair because it was very humid, but the photographer is amazing so she made us look good!!!