tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60260981935191311172024-03-13T03:26:57.670-07:00Pumpjacks and PlaydatesJulie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.comBlogger368125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-44559246548519790022021-02-26T05:59:00.001-08:002021-02-26T05:59:13.036-08:0020 YEARS <p><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">Today marks 20 YEARS since my mother, Deanna Adams, went to Heaven. I cannot adequately put into words what this day means to me, so I've decided to share some excerpts from my anniversary writings through the years. Today is not a sad day! I don't feel the sinking feeling, but I feel a sense of gratitude and strength to look back at what all we have done in two decades.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">If you don't know our story... My mother was many people's favorite teacher, cheerleading sponsor, and tennis coach. She told stories about me so much in her class that they felt as if I was their little sister. She passed away when I was 19 and at Texas Tech. She had a heart attack out of nowhere after going to the doctor for strep throat (so she was already staying home from work sick), while my Dad was at work. When I found out she was sick, I tried to call home that day. I was always paranoid, but this was different. I started to call my Dad and instant message neighbors. I was at my sorority Bible Study when my Dad called and asked me to get alone. I walked outside, and he said, "Your mom is no longer with us." </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">I will forever be open about our story. Fast forward 20 years and there is so much more to the story. My Dad found a wonderful wife, I gained another mom along with her extraordinary family. I graduated college and went on to have my own family. I'm trying to condense 20 years into a few words. Impossible. I want you all to know that sometimes life stops spinning, but we somehow have to make a move. This past year has been full of so much grief and heartache for so many people. I cannot say that I'll ever understand any of it. I once said, "God didn't give me a choice, but thank God for giving me a voice."</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">____________________________________________________________</span></p><p><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">Memories make me laugh, memories make me smile and memories make me cry. I wake up each day and do not know if this day is “good” or “bad.“ My dad once called me a block of ice. Sometimes the ice melts and I see visions of what was... I hear her voice, see her smile, hear that laughter; I dream she is dying and I cannot stop it, I dream she is living and life is like it once was. There have been times I have lay on the floor, flat, paralyzed crying...And times I have screamed at God, thrown things at my wall while anger rises... And times I have held the hand of others in grief, laughed through tears because I know my mom is happy....And times I have known it is good she left because my life could not have grown without her death. I have struggled with God-I have lay in his arms- I have fallen to my knees- I have hugged the air.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">For so long I fought to not be, "Hello, I am Julie... my mom passed away." It has come to be a part of who I am- and that is just fine. Family is an integral part of any friendship or relationship so if you are going to be my friend, you might as well know me. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">I started this strange thing back in high school. If I was stressed to the max I would close my eyes surrounding myself in the quiet of blackness. I would imagine opening my eyes and suddenly be in a different world away from everything and everyone. Many times now when I miss you the most I find myself closing my eyes so tightly... It is much easier to go through life blindfolded touching nothing so it hurts nothing. A blindfold of nothingness blinded by the darkness.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><span>L</span><span>ooking back as I got the phone call that changed everything I look at that young girl. I had wisdom that I didn't understand and found strength that some never knew. That doesn't change. Everyone is going to lose loved ones and have to walk that new journey. Walking that journey is easier than going through life alone so it's inevitable. It's a choice to make whether we walk along with our loved ones knowing the road will fork and we will have to go down the dusty path or we walk alone in the darkness feeling nothing in our world. Looking back on this journey I would rather have her here, but since that is not an option I would rather enjoy it and take in the light God gives me.</span></span></p><p><span face=""Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web (West European)", "Segoe UI", -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">Time helps deal with pain, but anniversaries only bring feelings to the surface and force you to live that day over and over again in your mind. Acceptance comes with time, but truly just moving past the loss might never happen. I have come to realize THAT IS JUST FINE. We are allowed to mourn as human beings and not brush the pain under the rug. </span></span></p><p><span face=""Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web (West European)", "Segoe UI", -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", sans-serif"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">It seems like a game. It's a game of dodgeball dodging life as it is thrown at you. One day you look around and somehow you are still standing. It's like an obstacle course where you keep running and running and one day you look around and you are still running when so many others have quit the race.</span></span></p><p><span face=""Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web (West European)", "Segoe UI", -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, Roboto, "Helvetica Neue", sans-serif"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">If I don't write, if I don't think, will she forever be gone? Will anyone remember her? I get angry with myself when I cannot remember things. She was with me for 19 years, yet my mind blocks these parts out and she becomes this figure just standing in my imagination. She is no longer real this way and it is quite easy. Then I will dream of her and she is real again.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">I hated the way people treated me or didn’t treat me. When dealing with grief, yes I knew people dealt with it in all possible ways. Even I didn’t know whether I should approach a person in sadness or ignore them for the fact I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing to them, yet I wanted everyone to treat me normally. I wanted people to ask me how I was because if they didn’t, I could see in their eyes they were holding themselves back from wanting to ask me how I was. I hated the silence more than the straight questions. It was a double standard. I wanted people to ask, but I did not want them to feel pity for me.</span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">Sometimes I wonder what I did to make God punish me. I heard a little girl talking at Relay for Life about her cancer and how she would not take it back because she learned to grow from it. I couldn’t figure out what could be so bad. Did I not pray enough? When bad things happen we so quickly try to punish ourselves or blame God. It is easier than facing reality. It is easier to yell at God for hurting you than see a silver lining in the clouds. </span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><br /></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">People seem to pray the most when they are on fire. When the fire is extinguished some people just don’t seem to need God. I never thought like that because I needed God on fire or in calm waters. We sin and we are punished by God’s disappointment. I doubt we sin and He decides to have us fall off a cliff and break our leg. I could have never sinned enough to face the punishment of the fire I had walked through.</span></p><p class="x_ecmsonormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;">They always ask if you could change one thing, what would you change? If you could click back the timer to a minute ago. Would you mop up the spilled milk or did the spilled milk teach you to be more careful around glasses full of milk?</span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #444444; font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></p><p class="x_MsoNormal" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">It angered me when I was in sadness or going through something that the world could just laugh while I cried inside. The people on tv laughing when I turned it on, laughing like their world was perfect. My life was flipped upside down and I felt as if smiling was guilt and laughing made me unethical. I wondered if anyone’s family ever smiled or laughed when bad things happened. How long did time have to move along? When tragedy hits our lives, it starts over again because that is the only way we can seem to deal with it. </span></p>Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-53511203170851211272020-09-30T14:18:00.001-07:002020-09-30T14:18:22.778-07:00Go Away Rona<p> One day in 50 years we need to look back on these posts as a reminder of what all we went through during the pandemic. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of living in fear. Yet, if we don't live in fear, we open ourselves up to death. I'm mad that it's taking so much from my children. Let's just dive in...</p><p>Walker doesn't learn about church in school. I'm supposed to be a good parent that teaches my children about Jesus. I have such fond memories of growing up at church. We were just getting plugged in to our church here when this all hit. So, we'll try to keep on praying with him and trying to remember to tell him Bible stories. It's not the same as real church. My church is too big here. We just cannot safely attend yet. I know they are opening it soon, so we shall see. </p><p>This stupid thing is messing up our holiday plans. Will we see Granny at all? She turned 90, and we didn't go because we were afraid with the boys in school to give her anything. She also says she would rather get the virus than be lonely. Selfishly I want to see my dad and Brenda every chance we can. I know we could potentially take this to them, and that scares me to death. Same with Nick's parents. It makes me angry. Our Fall and Winter is usually packed with fun events. I see some popping up here and there. What you have to realize is Carter is too young to really wear a mask, and I can't have him running around at events licking things! I trust Walker. The usual October full of fun festivals is now peppered with little pumpkin patches and maybe a trunk or treat. I think we will still trick or treat at certain houses. Nothing looks the same. </p><p>School is crazy. I feel so disconnected from Walker's school. I've joined the PTA and Site Based committees for our virtual meetings. I've met some teachers... not many. I grew up knowing all the teachers. It's important to me. I want to be involved on a fun level like I'm one of the students. I don't even know what Walker's room looks like. As for Carter, I got to volunteer one day. I'm on the Board at his school as well. I wanted to protect those kids and myself when I volunteered so much, that is was very stressful. I spent a lot of time figuring out the right mask and the right clothing... I cannot imagine what teachers do each day thinking all of these things. </p><p>Here's my equation... it feels as if every time we walk out the door we risk being "shot." You're dodging bullets everywhere. The worst thing is these bullets are invisible. We can try with all our might to dodge them, but we still might get hit. I don't go to a lot of public places. I go to some randoms stores. I know I fail at times with protecting myself from germs. AND, this is the time we usually get colds and sinus infections. It just happens. There's still normal sickness out there. </p><p>There's another thing I have a problem with... It's like bingeing. We do great for so long... then we crash. We had a party for the boys' birthday, granted it was outside in bubbles which are soapy... but, that was playing with fire a little. It's tough to live in this bubble. We want to keep safe, yet we need to live. It's a fine line. </p><p>I planned to go back into the office somewhere doing something... writing, social media, communications... whatever is up my alley. Easier said than done. I'm just a number and name in a pile now. Everyone wants or needs a job. I want to feel more productive. I freelance write a few articles a day. This isn't making me a good salary, but it's something to help. I love the social aspect of work which I don't get at this time. Working remote would be cool as well, but there hasn't been an opportunity. I love to write for companies freelancing so I'll do it all day, but it doesn't give me the production I want or need. </p><p>So here we are. It's quite the norm to see everyone in masks. I never thought about trying to figure out which masks work best. For me, I'll live. For my kids, it's not cool. Carter won't remember, but I don't want Walker missing out on things he will remember... like Halloween events, big birthday parties, amusement parks, festivals and Sunday School at church. </p><p>I know one day it will all be different. It might be far away. I do enjoy the time with my family. We love laughing and talking with friends so it's hard not to go to patios at restaurants a lot. We enjoy our time hanging out with close friends and our family. Still... this corona needs to fly away.</p>Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-62480085050969100822020-09-20T09:05:00.003-07:002020-09-20T09:05:46.125-07:00Walker - Kindergarten<p>Walker started kindergarten a few weeks ago. Of course, it was virtual at first then they went in person. It's still Corona time in this world so virtual is how we live most things in life these days. It's insane. We live in fear many days, and other days we're okay. </p><p>Walker loves people so I'm guessing he loves school. He's usually pretty tired after school so he doesn't tell much. We walk to and from school which takes about five minutes. So at school the kids wear face mask and face shields. It's been tough for me to find the best fit for Walker! He doesn't seem to mind it much.</p><p>Carter started the 2s class at Children's Creative Playday. He cried the first day, but I think he's loving it. He's quiet and shy at first then opens up. The teachers wear masks all day. The little kids do not. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jpsg9Gs4T50/X2d9mthhauI/AAAAAAAAg88/liutB56TJxgj-8KYPIS-12doLb15ceK-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s960/118936228_10109629547182218_8164988899486314196_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jpsg9Gs4T50/X2d9mthhauI/AAAAAAAAg88/liutB56TJxgj-8KYPIS-12doLb15ceK-ACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/118936228_10109629547182218_8164988899486314196_n.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q1Ok3Gsepdg/X2d9c-O-SzI/AAAAAAAAg84/eIN1FA2AlNkDWNBssKMywSZ2ReFFUA9OQCLcBGAsYHQ/s960/119034593_10109629770120448_4246716015384252132_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="686" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q1Ok3Gsepdg/X2d9c-O-SzI/AAAAAAAAg84/eIN1FA2AlNkDWNBssKMywSZ2ReFFUA9OQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/119034593_10109629770120448_4246716015384252132_n.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-82119561380673256592020-08-18T07:05:00.000-07:002020-08-18T07:05:00.815-07:00Carter is TWO!!!<p style="text-align: left;"> <a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7OYbxmUnCcA/XzvQxZiH2oI/AAAAAAAAebg/dIFaR3YlsOwzvrtTGqC_FBY7ir8W4cmfwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_0962.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1455" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7OYbxmUnCcA/XzvQxZiH2oI/AAAAAAAAebg/dIFaR3YlsOwzvrtTGqC_FBY7ir8W4cmfwCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/IMG_0962.JPG" /></a></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">This kid is 2. Time flies, doesn't it?! Carter is sweet and spicy. That's the best way I can describe him. He's very sweet and quiet at first. Then he throws a tantrum with his temper and you're stuck running to the corner away from him. He knows what he wants. If he doesn't, he will get his stool and drag it to what he wants. He's not afraid to tell you what to do! He's also very much a "Mommy's boy" which makes me smile, yet it's tough at times. He doesn't talk much which worries me a bit. He talks in his own language a lot. I always know what he's saying. This kid has an arm. Like he can throw a football really far. He's a huge athlete. He loves any sports ball. He loves Batman and Paw Patrol right now. Carter does anything his big brother is doing. He wants to be just like Walker. He loves to dance and sing. It makes me laugh. I just love his spirit. He's just happy and ready to tear into anything. Oh, he's not afraid to fall. He jumps and falls and runs into things. He's a bruiser. We call him "Beer Can Crusher!" He'll be the one crushing beer cans on his head. We're blessed by this crazy little boy right here. </span></p></blockquote><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--sxD6MuYv7U/XzvQymbKnmI/AAAAAAAAeb4/GI0TXqIWA6UArye5bBUoWxAfBpAS2sB4gCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_0987.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--sxD6MuYv7U/XzvQymbKnmI/AAAAAAAAeb4/GI0TXqIWA6UArye5bBUoWxAfBpAS2sB4gCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/IMG_0987.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vs1gLeVRJ3Q/XzvQyg0hcBI/AAAAAAAAeb0/Pcy2-g2D0HArZ9VX4XQj-_hiwEhnIinHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_0985.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1367" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vs1gLeVRJ3Q/XzvQyg0hcBI/AAAAAAAAeb0/Pcy2-g2D0HArZ9VX4XQj-_hiwEhnIinHwCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/IMG_0985.JPG" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x3cpkderNU8/XzvQyEDofAI/AAAAAAAAebw/Jxh7av_RBhg6cBQHXjsy7t1YNy5DYuPygCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_0975.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x3cpkderNU8/XzvQyEDofAI/AAAAAAAAebw/Jxh7av_RBhg6cBQHXjsy7t1YNy5DYuPygCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/IMG_0975.JPG" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MbiWgEGrG9g/XzvQyNhXUBI/AAAAAAAAebs/tV8sH_dDZ4gTglx1J4lJhY65oi6D_EcfQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_0965.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MbiWgEGrG9g/XzvQyNhXUBI/AAAAAAAAebs/tV8sH_dDZ4gTglx1J4lJhY65oi6D_EcfQCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/IMG_0965.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yjgvkfNb934/XzvQxaROnCI/AAAAAAAAebk/_YYQ_N0-0t4xDsv2JdEdmCNupY1YCSuQgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_0960.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1365" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yjgvkfNb934/XzvQxaROnCI/AAAAAAAAebk/_YYQ_N0-0t4xDsv2JdEdmCNupY1YCSuQgCLcBGAsYHQ/s640/IMG_0960.JPG" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pThvGyA3fhA/XzvQxcFnouI/AAAAAAAAebo/mc9Yf_v0lukD9Gd037mxCaTrUCVhEPyJACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_0944.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1359" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pThvGyA3fhA/XzvQxcFnouI/AAAAAAAAebo/mc9Yf_v0lukD9Gd037mxCaTrUCVhEPyJACLcBGAsYHQ/s640/IMG_0944.JPG" /></a></div><br /><p></p>Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-83820316484637820172020-07-24T15:34:00.003-07:002020-07-24T15:34:50.195-07:00Walker is FIVE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Walker Dean Gray turned FIVE this week!!! We cannot believe we have a 5-year-old. This kid... I always wonder if he'll keep the same personality. He's been the same loud, crazy, social child since he was born. The personality keeps growing!!!<br />
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Walker is a pretty cool kid. He's just gotten into Legos this year. We hate them because we step on them. He's still into superheroes and Imaginext, too. He loves to play with Nerf guns. I think it's in little boy's blood. He loves to get on an electronic device and play games. He becomes a zombie so he cannot do that too much. He enjoys watching SpongeBob which is annoying because I don't really like it.<br />
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Sometimes he will still pull on my ear like when he was a baby. Last night he fell asleep on the couch and I scooped him up in my arms holding him like a baby. I just watched him for a minute. He hates to fall asleep alone. It's a parent fail, but I don't care. He loves to cuddle. If he's left to fall asleep in his room, he'll roam downstairs a lot. He loves when we read to him then cuddle with him for a little bit as he falls asleep.<br />
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Walker is the most social little person I've ever met. He loves going to see new friends. No one is a stranger. He's fun and crazy with them. He doesn't leave anyone out. I wish I had his confidence. He'll walk down the street to visit a neighbor in his underwear.<br />
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He hates to get in trouble. He cries when he gets in trouble at school or at home. I hope that sticks with him. He mainly gets in trouble for being mean to his brother or for having an attitude with us.<br />
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This quarantine thing is tough on this age of kid. He had to leave school in March, and is to start virtual Kindergarten in the Fall... then they really go at this time at the beginning of September. None of it is normal. He's cried some days missing friends. I've cried trying to keep him entertained. Walker is just taking it in stride playing each day, but it has to be weird. These kids can't go anywhere. It's a strange new normal for them. We play with a few friends, but it's nothing like it was last Summer. Walker is making it somehow. I know he's sad at times. I know it's frustrating.<br />
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I see a lot of my weird creative spirit in Walker when he plays with his Lego people or takes videos on my phone. I did the same thing at his age with my tape recorder. I don't know what he'll be in this world. I just hope he keeps the same confidence and personality.<br />
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Our world is so much brighter with this little boy in it. He loves Jesus and talks about Heaven. This is great because we've missed out on church since March... school doesn't teach it anymore once you hit elementary so it's all up to us. We always work on Walker to love everyone, and treat everyone the same. He doesn't notice differences much. He just loves making new friends at every corner.<br />
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Oh, Walker, keep doing your thing. You're a special kiddo.<br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-62877312629343829932020-06-09T08:09:00.002-07:002020-06-09T08:10:54.990-07:00Taking Care Of The Boo Boos<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last week Carter fell chasing a rabbit and ripped open his knee. He pointed saying "boo boo" as he cried. I cuddled him and rocked in the chair. I thought to myself how lucky he was to have someone loving on him like that. I flashed back to my parents loving on me. I'm not the most affectionate, but they never gave up on me. My dad still wraps me in a bear hug and doesn't let me try to wrestle my way out! If only we could protect them forever.<br />
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Life is trying to get back to some sort of normalcy, but it isn't happening in a blink of an eye. In the middle of Corona, we're hit with police brutality of black people, then riots and protests. Everyone is supposed to stand up and fight for what we believe in. I don't voice my opinion on much because that's just who I am... and even that is wrong in society because apparently by doing this, I'm letting whatever movement go forward without me. I'm doing a Bible study about being "too nice," and yep, that's me. Nice is a bad word in a sense because by being too nice we're walked on, we don't stand up enough and it can even be manipulative. I think I'll just stay in my corner on a public forum. Of course, I think all lives matter. We've been fighting inequality since the biblical times. I read in my bible study book about a woman who is written about in history books that was mauled to death by animals where they would bring you out with a stadium watching your horrible death, this happened because she was a Christian. This means she was brave, not nice. Anyway... we just hang in there in the middle of a crazy world to raise these little boys. We just want things to return to some sense of normal so Nick and/or I can hopefully get back on the job train. Places are just now starting to hire... or they say July... I swear, God's in control, but it's so hard to see.<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FjiL_09MQQs/Xt-kdVrce6I/AAAAAAAAZ2I/2f6JlKsoCLYGD3v9RnYcWhx0rNL0NJxUwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/99279040_10109202602687408_5272835970960457728_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FjiL_09MQQs/Xt-kdVrce6I/AAAAAAAAZ2I/2f6JlKsoCLYGD3v9RnYcWhx0rNL0NJxUwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/99279040_10109202602687408_5272835970960457728_n.jpg" width="240" /></a>I thought of something I had to share and write about. Walker will be 5 next month. I was talking to him the other day apologizing about his year. In his 4th year he's had it tough... He lost both his cat and dog, his school year ended early and this kid loves his friends, his best friends in the neighborhood moved away, and he's for sure had to feel the stress we've felt as Nick lost his job. Kids are so resilient. He just makes it work. Sometimes I see him sad because he truly misses all his buddies, and is exuberant as they slowly come back around. I want to heal the boo boos in his heart. He still talks about God and Jesus even though he hasn't been able to go to actual church in a long time. I got on to myself for not reading little Bible stories to him more or educating him like I should about it all. I talk to him about the things going on in the world telling him to love everyone equally. He could care less what anyone looks like. As long as you play with him, he doesn't care. I'm just in awe of kids in general. We need to be like them. They're powerful and special.<br />
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Yep... that's it... The pools are still closed so we got ourselves a little inflatable one. It sure makes us miss our big nice pool in Las Vegas. We go to the lake a bit so that's fun, too. We have my dad's, Nick's dad's birthday and Father's Day this month so we're excited to share our gifts and love with them. I love sunshine. It keeps us going mentally and physically. Lord knows we need it right now.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our BFF Colin came to visit</td></tr>
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-86929680417768409982020-06-01T07:55:00.001-07:002020-06-01T07:55:03.285-07:00The New NormalIt's supposed to be the time of year when we pack our bags of snacks and suncreen heading out to the pool. All of the city pools and the HOA pools around us are closed. It's officially Summer around here. We can go to the lake, but you can't do that every day. Life is flipped in this weird way, and we're trying to figure it all out. Nick is still out of a job. We apply every day. He networks. Places are on hiring freezes. One makes more on unemployment than many jobs, yet that cannot last forever. I do my freelance writing and virtual assistant work. I could go back to work in an office or remotely as well. This Coronavirus and all of 2020 are like living in a strange dream.<br />
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This year is sort of like the end of a fireworks show. Hear me out. So God just started going "boom boom boom." Corona boom. Murder hornets boom boom boom. Senseless killings boom boom. Release the cicadas booooom boom. Riots and looting boom boom boom boom. I don't want to dive into anything deep regarding these riots and protests. In fact, it's overshadowing the Covid-19 news so now I sometimes forget about the pandemic. I'll simply say on a public forum my heart hurts. This isn't new in the world though. Equality has been thrown off for centuries. I want to raise my boys to love everyone. Walker knows there are different colors of hair and skin and eyes, but he doesn't care. Maybe we should all see through the eyes of children.<br />
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I don't know if the Coronavirus numbers are really changing or we're all just so tired of it that we've given up. I know Nick and I still wear our masks. We don't go to big stores. When we went to Orange Beach with the family it was like a breath of fresh air. We weren't immersed in the news the entire time. We still don't see a million people, but we are no longer afraid to see close friends. Maybe we're in the wrong. I honestly don't know anymore. I know Walker misses his school friends. I know Carter is missing out on a lot of social growth by not being able to attend the church nursery or take Walker to school drop off. Thank God for friends that play with him and treat him like a kid instead of a baby. And, I don't know how these numbers will grow or decrease to affect their joint birthday celebration in August or kindergarten or the 2's class. So we just sit back and wait. That's the worst. The not knowing the future. I'm a planner. In fact, we don't know which company will hire Nick. We don't know what date that is. We are in this floating realm. I don't like to float.<br />
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So we remain in church through Zoom Bible studies and online streams. We peck away at job applications. I write articles. The boys play with little friends. We search for a little pool we can place in the yard so they don't melt. We head to the lake with our floaties and sunblock. I don't know if the Rapture is coming or God wants us all to chill out instead of going full speed or what the heck He's doing up there. I'm just holding on for this ride.<br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-4561769574773997472020-04-18T11:09:00.004-07:002020-04-18T11:11:32.461-07:00Is Vacation Over Yet?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I
promised to keep up this blog for myself and the future, yet life gets
in the way. I realize this all has been going on since the middle of
March. Our lives have been thrown upside down. Sometimes I see the light
at the end of the tunnel. Then I get frightful and try to just sit
still.Sometimes I feel like this is vacation. Do you ever think at some
point in vacation, okay, I've had a blast, but it's time to get back to
real life? Not to say this is a blast, but this is time with my family.
This is time without a million things on the calendar. I miss the hustle
and bustle because I like to stay busy. On the other hand, it's nice to
just relish in the cuddles and the time with my family. <br />
<br />
One of
the worst, weird things is we lost a family member last week. One of my
Dad's cousin's spouses passed away. This would usually be something
where we all travel there. We hug and share old memories, and just be
together. They held a sort of a "drive up" funeral today. It baffles me,
it saddens me. In this time when we aren't supposed to hug. This virus
has taken away something that makes us whole. I can't even begin to
explain what this virus has taken away in the world. The biggest thing
is the fear that it has given all of us because we have no idea what is
going to happen out of it. <br />
<br />
They said yesterday no school the
rest of the year. My son is only 4 years old. I cannot put myself in the
shoes of those that have older children where school is so important.
BUT, I can put myself in his little shoes. He misses his friends so
much. Walker is a very social little boy. When he gets to see his
friends on Zoom calls, he lights up and gets crazy. For his age, we
don't get to have a little Pre-K graduation. We don't get the end of the
year goodbyes. We don't get the excitement as Summer approaches. And,
we don't know what the Summer holds... or even Fall. I want both boys to
get to go to little Summer camps, VBS... all that stuff. I have no idea
how this will pan out. What if this all comes back in the Fall? We
seriously don't know. That is the worst thing about all of it. The not
knowing. It breaks me for all of these kids. Sitting the four year old
down to actually learn can be done, but I'm not a teacher to him. I know
my ways of teaching him, but I don't know if he is really getting it.
Then you look at the younger child. At this age we want Carter to learn
to be social and basic skills. The good news is he's pretty good at
letting go of me because I've thrown him in gym daycare and church
nursery most of his life... but, I just hope he figures out how to be
social with other kids as much as his big brother. <br />
<br />
The weeks go
on as if it is Groundhog Day every day. I'm okay at times just at peace
knowing it's going to be okay. I wake up at other times stressing out
over family members. Worried this will take them. I worry about the
future of our jobs. It's weird as I realized we are all in a sense equal
at this time just in this weird place. The virus doesn't care who you
are as it attacks you. No one is too busy. We are stripped down to the
bare bones of life. During Bible Study they asked how we rejoice in this
trial. I don't think I'm doing too much rejoicing. It would be better
if I wasn't scared to death. <br />
<br />
So that's where we are at. Our
usual month of Easter eggs hunts was taken away. The boys did have a
hunt. Walker asked why we celebrate Easter and I tried to explain it the
best way possible. We did everything we could to make it all normal. I
do see the world getting a little better as we pass the time. It's just
scary not to know. I will miss the extended cuddles and exciting Zoom
calls, the knowing everyone is home and no one is too busy... I will be
more than happy though to get a real, tight hug in person. <br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-90977506972988893312020-04-02T08:31:00.001-07:002020-04-02T08:36:55.789-07:00Let's Survive<br />
<br />
"Let's not just survive, let's get stronger."<br />
<br />
Here we are. Not sure what day it is anymore. I have so many thoughts rumbling through my head, and the best way I thrive is to write. It's weird since I pretty much do freelance writing for money so sitting down to write a blog for no money isn't in the top of my wheelhouse. I need to document this time. At night I lay my head on the pillow and groan... I know it's time to pray and I am just hopeless at this time. I say, Hello, God, where you at?<br />
<br />
Now, I know looking back there will be a lot of times I see God's hand. I don't much right now. I do realize at this time that our layoff might be a blessing. Now Nick's former employer has furloughed almost all employees without pay for two months. Atleast we have severance. That said, the job market is gone pretty much. He can make more on unemployment than most jobs. Once this lifts, we just pray all of our hard work pays off. He won't stop trudging each day talking to recruiters and finding his next option. It's almost comforting that the whole world is in this with you.<br />
<br />
Half of the time we live in fear. Sometimes I want to rebel and just go shopping. Our neighbors bring us pizza. We stand six feet from them and chat in the front yard. In fact, we walk all day and night and see more people than ever before. Entire families out walking together. The family in the culdesac sits in their lawn chairs each day. It almost brings us to simpler times in a sense. The family is just together. On the other hand, I miss my parents so much. I want to go home this month to see Dad and Brenda. I yearn to just hang out with them and watch TV on their couch. I worry for them, I worry for Nick's parents. I have a friend whose mom is fighting in the hospital with this virus. She is in tip top shape, yet her lungs are filled with pneumonia.<br />
<br />
They said on the news it is like an imaginary gunman. You don't know when you will get hit. I feel like I am again playing dodgeball. I try to be careful in all I do, but heck if I know if I'm doing it all properly. We go on many walks alone and as a family. My gym is closed so I am trying to stay in shape this way. We also probably snack too much so it might all even out! It's hard at the stores to know as I do an online order if I can get meat or pasta this week! I am too paranoid to go into the store. It's crazy that fear is just holding me down. Nick's mom brought us over some chicken from Aldi, it's all cooked now. So let's hope Kroger or Wal Mart has my chicken on order, or I might just have to go in. Ugh, I don't want to live in that fear.<br />
<br />
The boys are fine. Walker misses his friends so much. He cries about his little school friends. I'm thankful for technology they can see one another on the screens. I worry about his education, he's only 4... but, is he getting behind? I'm trying to help him learn, but I don't know if I'm doing it correctly! He learns so much at school! Other times it's nice to just have this time with the boys. We sleep "in" until 7:30, and they come snuggle with us. We aren't in a rush. However, then there's the guilt of am I getting enough work done and engaging them at the same time? Did I give them enough attention today? I need to make my writing money, so am I balancing that and teaching Walker enough and spending enough time with them? Is Nick going to kill me after hanging with me way too much? We definitely get on each other's nerves! Am I helping him apply for jobs enough? Am I cooking and cleaning well enough? Are we doing this right???<br />
<br />
This also is a time to get back to the roots of connection. No one is too busy to talk. I spend a good amount of time texting and/or calling my close friends and loved ones. We all check on one another. Everyone is in this together. At this time everyone is just equal trying to weather this storm together. I say equal, but those on the front lines are a lot higher and mightier than me! I cannot even name them all, but they're the heroes right now.<br />
<br />
I'll leave it with some of my fave photos of our life right now. I hope this passes and life is even better. We have to live day to day right now. While we want to sleep and fast forward, we cannot. We have to just figure out what we are learning through all of this. The pastor said it best, Lets' not just survive, let's get stronger."<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EtvY0kg3FI0/XoYByDe8RSI/AAAAAAAAVfI/r_Zjql5a_ssGzP9kHydwNCHqH0JUer7UwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/91213221_10108916029237898_6577670636330549248_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EtvY0kg3FI0/XoYByDe8RSI/AAAAAAAAVfI/r_Zjql5a_ssGzP9kHydwNCHqH0JUer7UwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/91213221_10108916029237898_6577670636330549248_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Walker loves to take my phone and edit photos.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We feel ya. Annoyance.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Found bluebonnets in our neighborhood.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">School Time</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lots of Outdoor Time</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Library Time</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Exploring the nature park</td></tr>
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Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-9439238486387783782020-03-27T07:54:00.000-07:002020-03-27T07:54:25.307-07:00The VortexHere we are in the midst of the coronavirus that's taken over the world. I cannot honestly say how any of us are... yesterday I was really down and confused. Today the sun is out so it's a whole new outlook.<br />
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Some people say God took away everything we idolize. Yes, but why take away church? The way we get people to Him. It does make us focus on only the things that matter. Heck, He shut down the salons so a woman's beauty maintenance is even taken away! Joke's on everyone else that my hair girl comes to my house ha... seriously though, we are forced by the exterior world to be inside (or in our yards) with our family. Everything else is stripped away. For me, I'm a very social person so it's hard to take away those friendships where I see people. I like to shop and just browse the aisles. I love to go to the gym. I like to randomly stop in a store and grab a little snack. It's those weird little things that you seem to notice as well.<br />
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I honestly forget that Nick is laid off at this time. It's like we're all in this weird vortex that I cannot even see past all of this. I have this weird faith that he will find what he needs after all of this is over. I don't fret over it as much. I've been doing so much of my own work that I forget to bask in the stress of it all. I can freak out if I sit and worry and wonder what's next. I just cannot do that.<br />
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I'm not great at homeschooling Walker... not sure if a 4 year old counts as homeschool, but there's a lot of little academics!!! He plays most of the time so I believe play is where he learns. We do take time out to do all of our little activities. But, I don't know if I'm near as great as some moms! I just try to make it as fun as possible for him. We learn, but he doesn't know it's learning at times! We spell things that are in the room... count things... draw things. We let Carter in to sing and dance with us. It's actually good time with the kids.<br />
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So here we are. Some days good. Some days stressful. I'm ready to be normal again.Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-83249522837296190762020-03-20T15:42:00.000-07:002020-03-20T15:42:20.811-07:00Corona TornadoWe're in the middle of what seems like the apocalypse, a crazy movie and a nightmare all rolled into one. I decided I should keep up with it via my old blog so one day the great grandkids will know about this time of Coronaville. It's been one week down of pretty much quarantine to your home. We go on walks, to the store if we have to and we will venture to get ice cream tonight or tomorrow driving through a drive-thru... It's a very scary time.<br />
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It's weird how time works out. Before all of this, Nick was laid off. Shiner was put to rest. We were already in this upheaval of life. It seemed to all work in perfect timing... if there is perfect timing for this. Now we just live in fear of everything. We cannot go to school. My kids are 4 and 1 so they aren't in a place where they're going to school every day. Walker misses his friends so much. We do a few educational things a day, but I know it's not like real school. He goes to chapel, music, movement, and gets to run crazy in the gym. He gets to learn one-on-one with his teacher. It's just not the same for my social little crazy man.<br />
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I can honestly say I'm not bored. I always do article writing for different companies. I'll do a few articles a day, plus I was hired by a photographer to be her virtual assistant as a part time job. I job hunt with Nick helping him find great postings... worst time to be unemployed as the rest of the world joins you and we have no idea when this will lift. I play with the boys. We take lots of walks and jogs to stay in shape. It only gets really quiet at night when not much is on TV, and the boys go to sleep. We check in on friends. It's sort of like coming out of a hole to ensure everyone is still there. Everyone is home, but you cannot go see them.<br />
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I take the time on my walks to pray. I'm so confused by God. We wonder if we did something really wrong. I didn't think you could ever shut off the whole world. We've have countless things canceled. Weddings, birthday parties, etc. The entire world just shuts. It's surreal. If I wasn't living it, I wouldn't believe it. I keep thinking in a tornado it happens so fast that you're scared to death, then it's all over. The clouds lift and the sun shines. It's over. I keep wondering when this tornado will cease to turn. Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-12587012668097441462019-04-20T07:06:00.001-07:002019-04-20T07:08:55.395-07:00These Boys: Lightning In A BottleTrying to remember every little thing about this point in time is like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. The boys are growing so fast! I'm in amazement at who they are. I'm also not a dumb mom and know they are pretty crazy, too!<br />
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They say little boys love their moms, and that's way too true here.
Walker will bring me flowers (weeds) on walks and always tells me I'm
his best friend. I know he's lying, but I'll take it for now. He's rough
and tumble at times, then all kisses at other times. He says things
that just blow your mind. Sometimes things he remembers are insane.
Other times he just says things that are almost genius. It's interesting
to see life through a toddler's eyes. They are just so pure and say
what's out there. He thinks it's funny to gang up on me with Daddy and
say funny things. I guess this means he'll be sarcastic which I couldn't
live without! He sure isn't boring. Sometimes he doesn't listen well
because he's Nick's as I listen soooo well... He's into clean up mode
lately which means taking his brother's toys away as he plays. Not cool.
He loves on Carter like no other, then gets tired of him touching all
of his stuff at other times. I can't wait until Carter can whack him. I
like that Walker is getting to know Jesus and talks about him now. It's
very cool to watch. You raise these kids in hopes you're doing it right,
but they are who they are. We just take each day at a time and watch
him grow. Walker is a good kid, he hates to get in trouble and loves
deeply. I pray he keeps this attitude forever, even the stubborn
attitude because I love he's his own person. And he better always love
Mommy.<br />
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Carter is 8 months old. Oh man, he's fast. He's already crawling. He wants to stand and hates to sit down. He loves to eat like a piggy. He has a distinct cry/whine when he wants what you're eating. He hates sleep and I'm the worst sleep trainer ever born. It's my fault, but oh well. He loves to cuddle and loves to watch the people around him. He is so chill unless he is sleepy or hungry. He's usually laughing and talking to people. He just needs to slow it up and stop going so fast! Carter thinks his brother hung the moon. Walker likes to bug him, but he thinks it's hilarious. Babies are tough work, but he's a pretty cool kid so I'm all for it.<br />
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Being a parent is the toughest job in the world. We can only do our best. We love our kids as much as possible, and know that's the start of it. Sometimes they may eat dirt, other times they may be sheltered from the world. We're somewhere in between on a daily basis. The world is a crazy place so we're happy to have our little place of solace in the midst of the chaos. It may be our own version of chaos, but it's perfect.<br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-57969179682237316892019-02-03T20:21:00.001-08:002019-02-03T20:29:08.413-08:00No Sick Days AllowedI was always the one that would force myself to go to work sick. I didn't want the boss to think I was lying so I would force myself with no voice or sick to my stomach to make it to the office. Now that I'm a mom I would love to call in sick. We don't get that luxury. Sure, we can call in reinforcements if they're around, but most often, we get to be a parent and just be sick at the same time. Let's rewind.<br />
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I'm not even going to rehash the few weeks in December when I single handledly pretty much got my whole family plus my parents sick with whatever lung crud there was out there... That was just a crazy time filled with lots of snot. So last week I didn't feel great all day. Not bad enough to do anything about it until later in the day... but not great. Walker and Carter both jumped all over me playing and it hurt, but I thought I was being a baby. I somehow managed to cook and then curled up in a ball. Nick bathed both boys and put Walker to bed... and I got into our bed and turned on the TV. We watched some TV and boom, it hit me. I went to throw up seven times in a row.<br />
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So I thought we were out of the woods. I made it through the next day, weak, but alive. We had dinner with friends then came home Friday night. All was great... until Walker shows up at the top of the stairs. He doesn't understand and says there is water all over his room... yep, he threw up pizza and goldfish alllll over his bed. He comes to my bed and I send Nick upstairs away from the plague. I also gave him bottles for Carter so he could wake up with him all night since I knew it might be crazy with Walker. Oh yeah, my five month old doesn't know how to sleep more than three hours straight... soooo Walker throws up by me again and again - each time I'm changing out the sheets. I don't want to get mad at him, but I don't understand why he cannot make it to the bucket! So at 3:45 AM he throws up all over my hair. I bring the iPad into the bathroom, put him on the floor watching it and I shower. I had to say a few prayers because I was losing my cool. Poor kid couldn't help it and he kept apologizing. I felt so bad... and I was so sleepy. Finally we slept until 8...<br />
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Nick woke up sick... guess sleeping upstairs didn't stop the germs from finding him...<br />
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I knew I had to guide the ship alone. This means a million loads of laundry, disinfecting everything and the usual chores on top of it on a Saturday! I think there were seven loads of laundry? There were so many towels and sheets I lost count. Walker was very whiny and just chilled out... I can say the same for Nick, but he does really try when he's sick to be cool... he finally resorted to the couch later in the day because he gave up. I don't think I sat down much at all. The dog still needed to be walked, Carter needed attention and Walker just wanted to be loved on so that stuff couldn't be put aside.<br />
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In life, parents are superheroes. It'd be great if we could just bow out and say we weren't going to parent today. Nope, don't feel it. Nick's parents had just gone out of town and I was wishing we could call them up for help... but, how do you do that when you are contagious? You just can't even if they are in town. No matter how bad we feel, we're going to reach out and hold our kids and make them lunch and let them dance for us. I'm not even going to touch a whole other thing to praise the single parents. My gosh, I was just so happy that Nick and I could switch off napping. It seemed simple, but I was worn out from still being weak from being sick and staying up till 4 AM taking care of Walker so that nap was everything.<br />
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Age doesn't stop this either. First thing, I heard Nick talking to his parents on the phone about the crazy night. I called Dad pretty early to tell them about it, too. Oh, we know we have many nights like this in the future. We aren't naive, but we hadn't yet had a toddler and infant navigating that crazy ship just yet. So when we're sick as parents we just trudge through the day trying to make it. It might mean a lot more of this screen time society thinks is killing my child's brain, yet helping me live through a few hours when I can't breathe or it might mean a pretty boring day just playing with toys while Mom curls in a ball on the couch. It usually means a lot more snuggles whether we're sick or they're sick.<br />
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Sometimes I miss those days when I actually called in sick, curled up under my covers watching TV. I wasn't going to do anything all day, but recover. I wouldn't trade them for the insanity of my world today. I'll drag myself to the microwave with a fever to give my kid some nuggies when I can't stand long enough to cook. I'll sing in a horrible hoarse voice if he wants "Jesus Loves Me." And, most of all, when tables are turned, I'll dive into puke sheets gathering them up, go through heaps of gross Kleenex cleaning his nose and smile when he throws up in my hair.<br />
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This was the day I got sick. Walker decided he wanted to be a cowboy. He sure did make me laugh all day. He even tried to nap with that hat.</div>
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This kid makes me melt. He just fell asleep in a cloud of blankets. Carter is chill.</div>
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Calm in the storm. Carter was so cuddly and happy as his brother and dad felt so bad Saturday. </div>
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Back to life. Walker was ready to rock and roll after feeling bad all day.</div>
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I just like this picture. It's Superbowl Day. Carter is 24 weeks. </div>
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-11519514231820797952019-01-03T13:27:00.003-08:002019-01-03T13:27:27.912-08:00Be BetterBe Better.<br /><br />I kept trying to think of the perfect New Years Resolution and they all kept running together. I saw someone on social media simply said, Be Better. Yep, that's it. Be better in all I do. Be a better mom, a better wife, a better everything. Work out better, eat better, blah blah blah... I failed in my attempt at being better with cooking when my cornbread casserole tasted like gritty dirt casserole... so I fail, I win, it all evens out.<br /><br />I decided to jump back in my blog because I want to document life and randomly a few people asked me about it. I stopped for fear I would offend someone because we offend in everything we say and do nowadays. My child has a gender and I'm offending someone, my gosh. Oh well. I wanted to be raw instead of perfect. Sometimes I feel like the only mom that is failing until I tell someone and they say the same thing happened to them. Everyone paints this perfect picture. Even my social media seems my boys and family are just happy all of the time! Can I please show where I had to call Santa because my three year old kept jumping in the middle of my laundry after I told him to stop multiple times? Can I please show where I am totally spoiling my baby with sleeping and he may never go to his crib? I always fear saying anything raw because automatically I feel inferior. I feel like I won't be as good as those other women out there that have it all. I'm just me and that's how it just has to be. I've always worked too hard to seem perfect and I fall flat so just give in and be you. Well, that is easily said and not easily done, but it's a start to show yourself as raw in posts. This doesn't mean I stop spray tanning because my entire family hates the fakeness or stop painting my nails or obsessing over my boys' wardrobe. That's just me. <br /><br />So I will try to write more so I can get things out on paper and try not to offend. I need to document these crazy little boys. They are so much fun and insane at the same time. Walker has the biggest personality and is also pretty darn smart. He's stubborn and feisty. He has the best imagination and can play alone, but loves to play with friends. No one is a stranger. Carter is chill at times, then very opinionated with how he likes to sit and sleep at other times. He talks a lot and smiles at people so I'm guessing he will be very social. <br /><br />Okay, time to be better. I have articles to write for a wedding website I write for and I'm procrastinating so that is not being better! Off to it.<br />
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Let's see if these are raw or normal or just look normal ;)...<br />
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Plano Tree Lighting... it rained crazy on us, but we had just gotten under the smores tent! I wanted a perfectly posed picture, but it just wasn't happening. We all look jolly though. </div>
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Before the tree lighting I forced them to pose. They didn't hate me for it.</div>
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Now this is real life. They didn't feel like posing in their matching clothes. I thought it was a perfect photo op, but nope. </div>
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Every year we get a family picture at the Christmas Eve party. Well, this year Walker and I were deathly sick with a cold. We don't look that great or feel that great, but we still posed. It was a tough night as we hacked and just felt bad overall, but we still enjoyed ourselves as much as possible. </div>
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Carter is wearing what Walker wore his first Christmas Eve. Love it. He did really well at church so that made me happy. </div>
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We tried to get a cool family photo at Gaylord ICE. These crazies wouldn't both look at the camera. </div>
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Walker was so sick, but he sure could still cheese for the camera. </div>
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Usually I make Carter smile for his pictures, but this was just adorable. He likes his new Wonky Donkey. </div>
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Walker is so into being a construction man. Or a shovel worker, as he calls it. Batman shirt and PJs, what else can a little boy want? </div>
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I have to include the amazing grandparents on both sides. They love
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NeNe reading a book to both crazies. Walker loved to snuggle with her this time. In the past he was too cool for her. </div>
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Santa came to the Gray's Neighborhood Christmas Party. He
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Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-6383131607736863162018-09-21T16:07:00.003-07:002018-09-21T16:07:43.191-07:00Carter Jones Gray Birth Story<div style="text-align: center;">
Carter Jones Gray</div>
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Jones - Named for grandfathers Joe and James </div>
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August 19, 2018</div>
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5:11 AM</div>
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8 pounds 12 ounces </div>
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Creating an electronic footprint for my kids is important to me. One day they will want to read all about their lives or our lives, and here it will all be... We welcomed our newest addition, Carter Jones Gray on August 19, 2018. I don't want him to get the Second Child Syndrome so I've promised myself to always make things equal in some sort. Well, sitting down to write out his Birth Story is proving to be quite difficult as it has already been a month. To step away from a toddler and newborn whom one is always wanting to be held is pretty difficult. Yes, I do a lot of freelance writing, and even doing that is pretty tough. I'm either doing my daily duties or too tired to think straight! So here I go...<br />
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I am not one of those happy people with child. I wanted him out, just like I did with Walker. I spent the summer at the pool and lake to keep cool, and we just kept on with life as usual, but it still is a bit tough to do. His due date was August 26, and I didn't want to wait that long. Besides, I've never been a fan of August. We jokingly said August 19 because we like odd numbers. That day I knew something was different, but went on anyway. We had Stephanie with the kiddos, Abby and Asher over for a visit then we had Karen's birthday dinner that night. I didn't feel great at the dinner, but didn't tell anyone. After dinner and when we were home I knew I was having contractions and they might get worse. I didn't want Nick's parents to have to come get Walker at 2 AM so I said maybe we should go in just to check. It was pretty painful at this time, but I still had no idea if I was just being silly. We headed to the hospital around 10 PM.<br />
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We got in a room and everything was very quiet. This mean nurse told me I was only at a 3 so I might just go home. I recall looking at the clock wondering if I went home how to fix the pain at home because I have a high pain tolerance and it wasn't cool. She came back in an hour later and said I would need to wait another hour to decide... this chick was mean, just not a kind nurse with her words. She had a mean tone and I was just trying to chill out. Finally another nurse came in and said I was dilated to a 4 and they would keep me. Yay!!! My doctor was out of town so I would be seen by her partner which was just fine to me. I was calmer after the epidural and we just watched television, "Anchorman" was playing so Nick was happy. I couldn't get much sleep with adrenaline pumping through me and them bugging me every few minutes to check whatever vitals. They called in the NICU team because when they broke my water there was meconium (Just like with Walker)... anyway, he came out and they started to work on him. It isn't like the movies when they suddenly hand him to you. They cleaned him off and weighed him, all that jazz, then they gave him to me! He was huge! 8 pounds 12 ounces! They said he was only 19 inches long, but in a week they said he was 20 so I'm going with 20. Nick and I were wheeled to a new room and they asked if we wanted rest. We said yes so they took him to the nursery...<br />
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We called a few hours later and they said there were some issues. They said Carter aspirated meconium and needed to be transferred to NICU. They had no clue how long he would be in NICU. I was a little worried as I had no clue how bad it might get, but I was also sure it was a normal thing so I trusted the doctors. The family was coming and bringing Walker at the time to meet him. He was behind the glass so no one could touch him at that time. All the pictures I wanted faded away, but we were more worried about his health!<br />
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It was very strange to be in the room without our newborn. We just hung out, ate a lot of the yummy pudding and that's about it! Walker was with Nick's parents so he was taken care of... my parents were on their way the next day. The nurses said I was one of their favorite patients because I just did what they said... I did change into my workout clothes and out of the gown asap! I am not a normal patient, I guess! I just want to be active and get back to normal. I must say I loved being in the hospital as it was just a safe place. I was never worried there. It felt like our own little bubble.<br />
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The next day Carter was getting better suddenly so we were very excited. They were able to remove his CPAP machine so he could breathe on his own. It took a day, but he got steadily better. My parents were able to go in to see him, and Walker was able to meet him. I don't think he really understood so he didn't pay him much attention.<br />
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Everyone was so kind to us in NICU and in our regular room. We had wonderful nurses after that first mean lady. Vicki surprised us as she was in town so she sadly didn't 'get to see Carter in person, but she did get to see Walker. Karen, Sean and Guinnie came up to hang out for a while, as well as Melissa Land. We knew our friends shouldn't really come to just hang out with us as Carter was in NICU so it was so wonderful a few really close ones could stop in. So let's fast forward to day 3 when Carter was finally discharged and we were let out of our bubble!!! We were ready to get home and start the new adventure!!!<br />
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I'll write more as life goes on, but Carter is a joy. He looks a lot like Walker, but fatter! He doesn't sleep much, but he's a cuddly monster so that makes the lack of sleep worth it. We are so blessed with our boys. Life is going to be full of insanity for sure!!!<br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-54757654848748207622017-09-04T07:22:00.002-07:002017-09-04T07:22:20.208-07:00Out of ControlThe best way I communicate is in writing. I am without emotion externally, yet inteternally busting at the seams with so many thoughts. The only way I move in life is to write these thoughts. I joked I am a great funeral date because I'm so rigid and just there, but on the inside I crumble as I struggle to understand any and all of it. <br /><br />Rewinding... last week was a disaster for the world. I sat on the outside of the hurricane in Houston just grasping at any sense of reality. I cannot for one second say I understand the feeling of going to sleep not knowing if I am to awaken to floodwaters surrounding my bed. I could only check on freinds and wait along with them. My heart was torn just watching the devastation and feeling helpless. There was one day the ones closest to me were traveling and my friends waited on waters to intrude their home and I sat there - out of control. I was out of control. We were all out of the control zone. It felt like I was skydiving just waiting on something to save all of us. Then in the middle of the hurricane, in the middle of feeling out of control, I get that call. I have gotten so many of these calls... I have attended 27 funerals. 27. This doesn't mean I was super close to all of them, this doesn't mean I'm some sort of statistic, it just means I've felt this kick in the gut, this shock that propels me into a state of no emotion at that instant, that call. <br /><br />When one passes away we all start to sift through the memories. Brandi Bell Peters was my sorority sister, my friend, my roommate's lil sis in KD. She was full of life and just loved to have fun. She always tried to get me to dance at functions and was just this force. When we began looking for houses in Texas she took the reigns in Rockwall and lead me to realtors, lead me to her neighborhood, told me all about the area. We didn't end up in that area, but she continued to ask me about the hunt and sent me information. I guess God knew He was taking her soon and maybe that's why we didn't find the perfect home there. I cannot claim we were best friends or that we had a million memories together. What went through us like electrocution was the empathy, the sympathy for her family. Her husband, her babies, her mom... she lost her dad in college and since I had lost my mom I remember we talked about it in depth a few times. It's a strange bond to have. My heart was just in simple pain for her family. My husband supported me by attending the funeral with me; he knew somehow there was pain in my heart, yet a smile on my face. I showed it in other ways. In tight hugs, in respect, inside. And the problem with the way I handle things is I cannot let go quickly. We traveled to a party an hour away and my mind kept going back to Brandi. I kept thinking of the accident, my mind reeled with questions. I felt out of control. <br /><br />The priest kept talking about our birthday in Heaven, the day we enter the gates. Instead of sadness I felt anger. I want them here. I don't want them having that birthday. If we all are so excited about this birthday, why aren't we rejoicing? I guess his point is we should be rejoicing. Again I felt the fire. I am not happy. I want those 27 people whose funerals I attended, I want them right here. Understanding no one can live forever, we understand this, but that anger is still there. I got my Mom for 19 years and it wasn't enough. These babies only had their mom for a few years, it isn't rational. It is that out of control feeling. It makes no sense. <br /><br />So the world continues spinning. For the Houston area the spinning is good as it brings sunshine and dries out the rain. For all of those that loved the bright sunshine brought by Brandi, it brings warmth and lets us keep going. I can only pray time works in the hearts of her loved ones. We freefall as we feel control sliding away as if we ever had it in the first place. We can take control by doing what God leads us to do regarding the hurricane. I'm still listening. We can take control by letting go of our friend. It makes no sense. We scream at the sky. Just hit the cruise control and float as we take control of our emotions. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-62697063570264064752017-06-14T21:47:00.001-07:002017-06-14T21:47:22.205-07:00Leaving Las Vegas “Beginnings are usually scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts."<br />
<br />As the chapter to Las Vegas ends and a new one in Dallas begins this quote keeps bouncing through my thoughts. Nothing can be closer to the truth. In a nutshell the beginning of this chapter was one of the scariest parts of my life. The end of the chapter is sad, the word to best describe it would be bittersweet. The middle was full of so much laughter, so much life, so much... I sit staring at the beautiful pool where we shared so many moments. I think this pool is what I'll miss the most. The walks as the sun set behind the mountains and the way the palm trees swayed in the wind. I look back to three years ago as we began this journey and want to tell that little girl it's going to be okay. I was digging my heels in the sand, hanging on with every inch of my being that God wasn't going to make me move. It was one of the main reasons I got out of the news business; I knew one day being a reporter would make me leave the state and by God I was not going to leave my loved ones for another state. God laughed. He had His own plans. <br /><br />Of course, there were hard times when you want your family and best friends right there. We spent Thanksgiving with lovely friends instead of going to be with our families. We don't regret it. We made some wonderful lifelong friends in our new land. People brought us under their wing and treated us as family. Of course, it wasn't the same as it was back "home," but we made new memories with new people. We are so very blessed with the people God brought into our lives in Las Vegas. No matter the love that surrounds you, family will always be home to us. To me narrowing it down even more to West Texas will always be home to me. Being in the same state only a few hours away from my Dad and Brenda makes my heart smile. To be only an hour away by plane so they can see Walker, it's priceless to me. We will be under an hour away from Nick's parents meaning they will get to see Walker a lot as well. <br /><br />Three years plays tricks on you. It's yesterday, but it's far away. You cannot simply move away and think nothing changes. People change, lives change, cities change. We know. Nick and I are some of the most annoyingly loyal people you'll ever meet. We love people hard. We knew some friendships wouldn't be as strong as we thought while others would be stronger than ever, distance is no matter. In life people can say they have no time for this or that, but in life the truth is we can always make time for our priorities. I have a friend that texts me every single day just to check in. I have a very best friend that is so crazy busy we get to talk every few weeks on the phone, but we pick up like no time has passed. One of these friends lives in Dallas. One lives in Big Spring. The point is that relationships of any kind that are loyal and true are built on this level of comfort. A friend visited us here that I had only spoken to via Facebook, but she came out and called and we hung out, hadn't hung out in probably a decade... no time had passed. We were still the silly teenagers, yet we were in our 30s. Nick and I knew us being far away wouldn't be an issue because we would never let friendships perish. We added friends along the way and now we will be loyal to those people we leave behind in Las Vegas. <br /><br />We end this chapter with Granger and Walker, not here when the chapter started. We cannot imagine what life was like before they were in it either! I am excited to tell Walker tales of this place as he gets older and I will make sure he always knows it is a very special place. I only wish he could remember. We'll tell stories of going to the Strip only twenty minutes away. It seemed as if we stepped into another world as we entered the Strip. It's magical and unique, quite entertaining. The lights dazzle as they bounce in the night. We'll tell stories of going skiing only forty minutes away as we entered a cold, beautiful world in Mt. Charleston. The weather was always almost too perfect. I missed the squirrels and the big thunderstorms of Texas. There's so many things about this land that I love. It's just different than Texas, so I cannot even put them in the same category. Texas is Home, that is the main thing that draws me back. No matter how far away you travel, home is where your know your heart lies. We will leave with tears in our eyes, but we leave with happiness in our hearts. <br /><br />Endings are sad. They're tough. We look back on being scared to death at the beginning. I would cry many nights asking God why He wanted me here. Then somewhere in the middle of it life was okay. I was okay. God put me in this strange bubble where not too many crazy things happened back home. We missed a few weddings, a lot of birthday parties, a few births... but, we were there for the big stuff. We got to see our families as much as possible. We got to travel to Hawaii and across the states. We were just fine. Now a new chapter begins. It's scary. It really is because you just never know what ahead in this new chapter. Fear of the unknown is the scariest thing as the page turns. Leaving Las Vegas, we wave with a tear and a smile. To many it's a town where gambling and lights come to life. To us it's a town of love, hope and beauty. Turn the page.Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-69296474818946223942017-02-26T07:46:00.001-08:002017-02-26T07:46:58.142-08:00Freak Tornado in the Dead of WinterYou blink and life fast forwards 16 years. It's quite strange that each year I still write as if I'm trying to find every single thing to say. I wrote in 2013, "Sometimes I think it's time to stop writing about it. It does not define me. Somehow I decide each year I have to share my thoughts or they just sit in my mind spewing around me. Truthfully in my heart I think at times it's just milking every little ounce of anything I have left of her. If I don't write, if I don't think, will she forever be gone? Will anyone remember her? I get angry with myself when I cannot remember things. She was with me for 19 years, yet my mind blocks these parts out and she becomes this figure just standing in my imagination. She is no longer real this way and it is quite easy. Then I will dream of her and she is real again. I will hear a story that makes me remember her." This is why I write even when the fast forward key seems stuck on my old jambox.<br /><br />This year the thing that kept coming to mind is that time of life. It hits me now when I am 16 years older, the truth. My mother passed suddenly on a Monday. I was back in college the next Monday. There were no questions asked, I was back. At the time people said it was strength. No, it was nothing like this. It was pure shock. When you are in the middle of a storm you aren't thinking about anything but survival. I was in such shock that I shut down. If you know me, when tragedy hits I don't cry. I've been to 26 funerals. I know a lot of people. I love a lot of people. But, I have a weird survival skill in that I ice up and brave the cold. It hits me later when I am alone and am able to deal with it myself. Oh, it's not a good thing. It's great to be strong; it's another to be icy. I've written many times about my ice melting. Back to that time of life... My dad is a true superhero. He took on this grief and he could have taken me in to stay with him for months to grieve together. No, he let his teenager daughter go back to live her life. He dealt with things in his own way. I so badly wanted to be so strong for him that when he would bring Mom up, I remember telling him we had to move on. I would do anything to protect him from feeling that pain, but I couldn't understand his pain of losing a wife. I only knew my own pain. And at that moment it was so blind, I was in such shock that I could feel nothing. We all change in 16 years. If the Julie today was this Julie at 19 she would have stayed home to protect the world, or so she thought. I would have tried to do all of the business things, clean out her closet and hide her purse so no one got sad when they saw it. Everyone did these things for me because they are the real superheroes. <br /><br />You look back at being 19 and stare at the 35 year old in the mirror. Now I have my own son so I understand the love my mother had for me. I always said there was no way I could be as good as her. She was this pure woman that just "had it." She had this wit, this love, this zane for life. She was a legendary teacher whom everyone loved. Julie Adams Gray is none of that in my mind. Then it hit me one day with Walker. She did her best with me just like I am doing my best with him. Sometimes I hear something she would say and I laugh to myself as it comes out of my own mouth. I have the same deep love she had and I share him with the world just like she shared me with all her students. The problem is we figure this out at 35 instead of 19. All of the days I shut my door after dinner and watched TV in my bedroom or talked on the phone all night being a teenager... All of the days I rolled my eyes and told my mother she was nerdy... <br /><br />Again, that time of life. It pulls at me now that she was a young 48. I didn't understand that was young until a few years ago. People don't pass of heart attacks at 48. It doesn't seem normal. It's like a freak tornado in the dead of winter. It happens, but it's just so few and far between that we don't usually register it. You see, it's no longer about grief, but about what happens after that storm. You're no longer in the middle. As I get older it's a lot about recognizing who Mom was as a person instead of just "Julie's mom." It's about wondering how people pass at young ages from strange things. It's about looking back in awe at all that has unfolded in those 16 years. You never thought God could bless you and all the superheroes around you with such a life. Life is always on the fastest speed. It's stuck. Spend some time watching a stupid show you don't want to with loved ones. Send your mom flowers for putting up with you in the teenager years. Sit and talk to your grandmother about her days on the farm to see the sparkle in her eyes as she rehashes the good old days. These are the things that matter. I don't take loved ones for granted. I might not be the best at telling them aloud how much they mean to me, but I can do it in my own way of writing. You blink and the fast forward button catapults you into another decade. Hold tight.<br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-61618654322211765972017-01-24T12:28:00.003-08:002017-01-24T12:30:32.384-08:00Mommy is 35. I'm 18 Months. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Mommy is 35. I'm 18 months. When I was growing up my mother always captioned my Dad's birthday photos with something along these lines. So I turned 35 on January 19 and Walker turned 18 months on January 21. I am honestly amazed to say 35. That just sounds insane to me. I am still 17 in my mind. I didn't want to think about being 35, but knowing me I still want to celebrate! </div>
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The week started with church and Disney on Ice. The Dallas Cowboys lost so we were very sad, but we were very excited to see Mickey skating on ice!!! Walker loved it!!! </div>
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I really miss the big celebrations Nick and I always had for birthdays in Texas because we brought so many different groups of our friends together at one time. This year we did it more family style and it was just as amazing!!! I was very excited as Dad decided to come during the week (Brenda had to work so she stayed home)! We had such a wonderful time. The first night he was here we just hung out then we went to eat at Nora's, this amazing Italian eatery. I knew Walker wasn't feeling that great and, of course, the next day he had a fever and the sniffles. He had not yet had a cold!!! So his first cold comes when my <span style="color: #0000ee;">D</span>ad is here on my birthday week!!! Nick was so kind and took Dubby to the doctor for me and did all the business stuff so I could hang out with Dad. When Walker was feeling better we went to downtown Summerlin to shop and then out to dinner that night for my real birthday dinner! (Even though it was a day before)... I was sad to take Dad to the airport the next day. We had a good time sharing stories and watching TV all together. Walker is like a cat, you have to earn his love after a few days so he liked Papa Mark this visit! He even followed him up the stairs! I wish Walker had been well the entire time so Dad could see how crazy and fun he truly is all the time, but he got to see his sweet, vulnerable side this time! </div>
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Dad wasn't thrilled about this picture and I wasn't excited that Walker's shirt is halfway up and he isn't posed perfectly, but that's also why it's so beautiful. Walker wasn't feeling well and fell asleep in Dad's lap. It's so sweet and special.</div>
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I had a great birthday! I spent most of the day texting or on the phone to amazing friends. In this world today we don't pick up the phone enough to hear the person on the other end. I spoke to almost all of my bridesmaids in life as well as many family members! It just warms the soul and makes the day even better! Being 35 and you can look at a friend and go, man, we've known one another over 30 years... that's priceless! Nick surprised me with mini bundt cakes as well as a neighbor brought me over a mini bundt cake! Thank goodness we had company to help eat them! That night Nick told me to get out and go do something fun, but I decided to just chill with Walker and him and take a walk as that was the most important thing to me. </div>
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Our friends had me over Friday night for dinner and a movie, Nick stayed home since Walker still wasn't feeling great. Vanessa made me this really cute, yummy cake! She is vegan so it was made without any animal products and it was so great!!! </div>
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So this kid is one year and one half old. Whoa. Let's see all he's into and all he does... He loves Paw Patrol or anything with dogs for that matter. He dances to rap even though I try to make him like my music. He tells you about the cow and the lion, but those are the only animals he really knows. He loves to roar for some reason! He gives kisses and loves to kiss the IPad when Facetiming. He says "Cookie" for any dessert or even crackers. His eyes light up when he sees he cat who quickly runs away. He is obsessed with cars. He will line them up on the couch or the ottoman and play for hours. He even loves to get in our front seats of the cars in the garage and play with buttons. When he sees a car or truck out that he likes he growls, "Carrrrr." He loves pasta and Mexican food, but I have to hide veggies. He is very observant like when playing with our friends' kids he watches them for a while then jumps in for the fun. He's very outgoing and funny, yet serious when he is tired or doesn't feel well. He gets in trouble for climbing the stairs too much or trying to stand on the couch. We are enjoying this age and absorbing every minute of this firecracker.<br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-41909929433762983382017-01-15T21:43:00.001-08:002017-01-15T21:43:23.799-08:00Christmas Fun in Texas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I heard a leftover Christmas commercial on Pandora today and was very confused as to why it was on in January. Christmas seems like it was a million years ago, but it was only a few weeks ago! Within a snap of the fingers the magic is gone and we are in a new year!<br />
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We flew to Midland first on our magical Christmas vacation. Wishing for snow, we were in for some sunny days most of the holiday in Texas. <br />
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Walker is very entertained with any sort of car. The parents took all the ornaments off the tree, but he was truly more interested in the lights. He didn't seem to bother the tree too much. He did steal their sleep number bed remote and a cordless phone. He likes to walk around and talk on them, then he forgets and throws it down wherever.<br />
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Dad and Brenda set us up a surprise - a carriage ride to look at lights!
These horses were huge! It was such a neat experience! Walker fell
asleep so he is no fun, but we truly enjoyed it. There were some really
fun houses all lit up. The workers told me the horses come down from
Amish country so they are real working horses!<br />
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When we got home we sang a few Christmas songs before opening gifts. We always sang while Mom played the piano growing up. Brenda has been
taking lessons so she wanted us to all sing while she played this year!
This piano is my Great Aunt Kitty's from the early 1900s.<br />
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It's no secret we love gifts in my family! I love to watch
others open what I give them much more than I do to receive them! This
year I did a fun gift for Dad and Brenda, a book that chronicled the
last 1.5 year of their life via Facebook, every status sort of thing. I
thought it was a really neat gift. I think Dad's favorite gift I gave
him was a basic t-shirt! We all loved to watch Walker open his gifts.
His mind must explode as he gets new toys! His big gift was a a blow up
house thing with bouncy balls. Yep, he loves it and those balls do go
everywhere, but he thinks it's so much fun! We all had fun playing with
our new toys. Never too old for toys!<br />
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We made the trek to Dallas on the 23rd. We love to drive around and look at lights in the areas where we used to live in Plano and parts of Nick's parents' neighborhood. We found a really neat house where the owners snapped a pic of all of us!<br />
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On Christmas Eve we got everyone dressed and hit church! Then we came back to celebrate with the Bennett clan. It was crazy and loud, just the way we like it. They are such a wonderful group of people and I can only hope to raise Walker to be like all of the young men in that family. After they all left we were able to open gifts with both the parents. We had a really great time, I love having both families in the same room!<br />
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Nick's mom has been making fun little gifts to sell out of old life
vests from Southwest airplanes. They were just going to throw away the
vests so Dianne said she could use them to make things. Walkie had a
blast playing in this!<br />
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Christmas morning we got up and my folks came over for breakfast. We
enjoyed our time together then they drove to Oklahoma. We then opened
gifts with Nick's parents and Justin. Walker got so many crazy, loud
gifts! He was in Heaven!<br />
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It's always good to get home, yet we yearn for our time not to end with family. We got back and were ready to celebrate the New Year!<br />
<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-81760482521586557522016-12-06T12:41:00.001-08:002016-12-06T12:41:19.126-08:00Holiday Rewind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's the holiday season so naturally you can find me dancing around and singing Christmas tunes because it's just my favorite time of year. At one time Dad said it is also a time of a bit of sadness as you feel nostalgia. I watched some old home videos of Christmas growing up yesterday and sure did feel that. I love every memory with my family then and now of the holidays. I miss loved ones that have passed on and I remember such wonderful Christmas times with them. Anyway.. let's get on to lately because I am a bad blogger....<br />
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Rewind to Thanksgiving... We spent the day with our amazing neighbors. We had a chance to run home to Texas for a day, but after analyzing it, it seemed so crazy to fly in and out so quickly. I think looking back I could have made it work and just slept on the weekend so I'm feeling a bit regretful, but it all worked out. I cooked two pies as well as a sweet potato casserole and took it down to JP and Gail's. They made a crazy, yummy spread. We ate and watched football. It's hard spending any holiday away from family as you watch people enjoy the times with their loved ones, but it was a good day all in all.<br />
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After Thanksgiving it is time for Christmas. I mean, ya don't even give it a day! I hit the shopping right then and there!!! Walker totally loves decorations and lights. Who needs toys when you have lights?! So we decided to make a quick trip to San Francisco. Nick needed to visit the office and I had never been so I tagged along. It's a very neat city. We started with a trip to Union Square to just hang out. I had no idea how many hills there were in this city. I also didn't realize it is truly a concrete jungle. One of our friends showed us the ropes then she took us to Chinatown where she grew up. Kelly and another friend, Sarah, met us for dinner at a locals place. Kelly knew all the best things to order. She even got Nick to eat some garlic vegetable thing. We went to get boba tea for dessert. Then she took us to her apartment roof where you could see the entire city. It was so neat to hear the ins and outs from someone who knew the place so well.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Union Square</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boba Tea</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kelly, W, J, Nick & Sarah</td></tr>
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Wednesday Nick had to work all day so I thought we were going to play all day, but the weather told me no. It rained all morning so Walkie and I were able to get some Nutella coffee then chill in the room for a bit. After it cleared we hit this neat museum at Golden Gate Park. We roamed around it looking at the aquarium, the rainforest, the penguins and other things. I was still feeling cold as if we just couldn't shake the weather! We walked to the Rose Garden where Walker played with some puppies and we roamed around a bit. It was a very beautiful area on a gloomy day! Chrissy wanted to show me one of her favorite places so we met her for dinner. Chrissy has lived in the area for a few years so it was neat to hear all of her stories, too. She is always so much fun and just so kind. We met her and her boyfriend at Palmer's Tavern on some famous street called Fillmore. When we finally got back to the hotel we watched Rudolph with Nick who had just gotten in from his fun day at work.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Walker stole this stick from a puppy.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chrissy is blurry, but that's her and us.</td></tr>
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Alcatraz blew my mind. It is a really spooky, neat place. We enjoyed it as we roamed around trying to put ourselves in the actual time and place. The history is overwhelming and I just don't ever want to be in prison because it's a crazy life. We love living pieces of history so Nick and I were both very into it. Walker would rather have run around and played in the cells.<br />
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So back to Vegas we go! We took Walker for some professional pictures because I wanted a background. I have a good eye and a good camera, but no backdrop... Bad idea. He sure didn't want to be posed or to sit still... It was a disaster. We got one really good photo out of it because we stuffed him in a chimney. So I threw on his Santa suit and he posed in the backyard for me. Boom, good pictures. Brat. Atleast he's cute.<br />
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We take nightly walks and are enjoying all of the lights. We are excited to go to Texas in two weeks to see our family and friends!!! The busy days of holiday surround us with excitement! <br />
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<br />Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-16891418329130780222016-11-09T20:48:00.001-08:002016-11-09T20:48:25.854-08:00The 45th President - Here We Roll<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've seen so many fights via social media about the Presidential election. I've seen all out hate spewing from people's mouths and witnessed friendships crumbling due to opinions. This is why I steer away from sharing my opinions online. I was never good at debate anyway. That said, I want to put in writing this day in history for my future children. This is the first President Walker will know. I remember knowing of Ronald Reagan and learning about him. I remember being in first grade when Dukakis and Bush ran against one another. No matter who was elected this term, they made history. Hillary Clinton could be the first woman President or Donald Trump could be the first President without military or political experience.<br />
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Walker and I voted yesterday morning then we played at the dog park. Easy as pie. I was actually more interested on some things on the state ballot. I'm a Texan in my heart and in my mind, but on paper I am in Nevada so I had to care about some of these issues. In fact, I've never been very political and didn't even want to vote. I visited my folks last month and my stepmom insisted we have this right so we needed to vote. At first, Nick and I weren't too into election coverage, but it started to grab ahold of us. Truthfully I did not think Donald Trump had a chance against Clinton because it seemed the world already had her office ready to go. The numbers kept rolling in and Trump's numbers went higher and higher. We decided about 11 PM it was time for bed because this thing wasn't going to end. My phone alerts from news stations I follow kept pinging as we tried to sleep. Sometime in the night I awoke and saw it was official that Donald Trump was President.<br />
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I have friends from every walk of life. I have friends and family even with different viewpoints. Some are vocal, some are not. I was proud in a sense that as people we surround ourselves with many different personalities. To me this is America. The freedom to be who we are and the freedom to love each other as a whole. Putting all opinions aside, love has to be at the middle of us as a whole. I don't know the future and I can only pray the future is good for my family. I can only pray good people get good things in this life. We roll out four years to a new leader today. This person inherits millions of Americans. Our lives, our loves, our journeys. Here we roll.Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-74324563594984174362016-11-05T21:43:00.000-07:002016-11-05T21:43:13.726-07:00Three Costumes. One Kid.<div style="text-align: center;">
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Halloween might be my favorite holiday... after Christmas, of course. It's just plain fun. Getting dressed, the music, the feeling, the air, the FUN. I was excited for Walker's Halloween this year because he could have more fun with it than being so small last year. The weeks leading up to the day he pointed at every decoration on our walk and was infatuated with scary rats and pumpkins.<br />
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On Halloween weekend the first place we took Walker was to a little shopping center with a farmer's market and all kinds of things for kids. He got to pet lots of fun animals in the petting zoo! Then he got to play some sports and just have a ball. Now, it was hot so I decided to throw him together as Dennis the Menace. He had this shirt in his drawer and I ordered red overalls. He acts like Dennis so he should be him. He was a little hot in his outfit, but so cute.<br />
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Saturday night began with a block party at the Fong's culdesac. We had a blast. Walker got to hang out with lots of kids, but he spent most of his time climbing the stairs to go look at someone's decorations. We stayed for a bit then decided to head to Container Park and old Vegas called Fremont Street. There's so much people watching! Walkie played on the really cool playground at Container Park with the other kids then we pushed him around downtown. The atmosphere was just amazing as everyone was in costume. I was a devil and Nick was Lloyd from Dumb & Dumber... should have gotten a picture, eh?! Walker was Mickey Mouse. He was so excited about this outfit and kept pointing to it, but I guess since it was dark that night he could care less. I think he was hot? He sure did look adorable! <br />
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Halloween night was finally upon us! We were pretty exhausted by the weekend, which I didn't mention Nick's brother was in town so they were out until all hours of the morning, whole other story, but the guys napped until about 5:30! I threw Walkie in his costume and we were ready to hit the streets!!! GG bought him this dino outfit. It was cuddly and so comfy, too. We had a blast in the neighborhood. Some people go all out so it was amazing with all the colors, decorations and lights. We met some really neat people, too. I love having a neighborhood that does neat things like this because in some places it is just dead. So many people just turn out their lights. We got home and had way too much candy in our pumpkin! Oh man, Halloween is a strange thing, people give you their groceries! One house even gave a little bag of toys! Just small probably Dollar Store items. So neat! <br />
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Three costumes. One kid. Hey, it's all good. The day after Halloween I felt the pressure of Christmas creeping upon us. Guess that's just the way it is these days. My little monster's outfits are actually hanging back up because his Daddy thinks he can wear them on a rainy day. Sounds good to me. Anytime you get to dress up and just have fun is the perfect day.<br />
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Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-7826878059074520042016-10-20T08:12:00.001-07:002016-10-20T08:12:06.354-07:00Weddings, Airplanes and Football, Oh My!<div style="text-align: center;">
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I'm behind. And I'm not one that is supposed to get behind in writing. Maybe it's because no one really reads blogs unless you're famous or maybe it's because I just let time slip by. We need to record memories so here I am. Fall has been a whirlwind time of travel. Not sure you can call it Fall because it's yet to be "cold," but I say once school begins Summer blows away in the hot wind.<br />
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We made another trip to Texas at the end of September for a dear friend's wedding. Tami and John were getting married out at their country house and they let us stay in the master bedroom of the city house! My high school pals Emily, Val and JJ all came by on Friday night so we got to catch up. Saturday we met Bryce and Natalie for brunch at a food truck. The wedding was more of a party, so neat. Tami is like a sister to me so it was special to see her getting married for the second time. I went to the first wedding when I was in 6th grade, Chandra and my parents went and Chan sprayed her hair with Raid before the wedding thinking it was bug spray. That's all I really recall. Now, I don't recommend taking my kid to a wedding... I also don't regret it because I knew it was a family thing and he would be just fine. Nick let me socialize while he chased after Walkie all night. He loved to play in the hay. I wanted a family photo, but slowing down just wasn't in the cards for him.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My cousin, Bryce & his wife, Natalie</td></tr>
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I sure am waiting for the professional pictures because this is a sad blurry photo of us. </div>
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Growing up I had an Uncle Ron and an Aunt Marisue, they weren't family by blood, but they were/are family! It was so very special to get to share Walker with them. I stayed with them for a week when I was only a few weeks or months old so to share Walker with them after they knew me at that age is just really neat. Marisue wanted Walker
in the picture, but he was tired at this point and he loves to tug on my ears
when he is sleepy. <br />
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Walker did not want to be held still for a picture. There was hay to play in.</div>
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The secret to keeping a child happy is putting them in the bed of a pickup truck. Endless entertainment.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Guarding the kegs and Coke. </td></tr>
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The next day before we flew out we got to have breakfast with the happy couple and their family. It was just a really good time. Then, boom, back to Las Vegas.<br />
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We got the chance to go to Harvest Festival and see some of our favorites. We took Walkie with us so we didn't get to stay late for Brad Paisley or Luke Bryan, but we got to see Martina McBride, my favorite behind Dolly Parton. It was a neat festival with a lot of interesting people sightings. <br />
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I just included this picture because he's a thug.</div>
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Walkie running wild at Harvest Festival in his jean shorts.</div>
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Did I mention Fall means Football??? Texas Tech is having an okay season because we have an amazing quarterback, but we have lost a few... Oh well, we taught Walker to throw one hand up for "Go Rangers" and two hands for "Touchdown," but he doesn't always follow directions and loves to just throw one hand up for all of them. <br />
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NeNe made W a really cool glow in the dark shirt for Halloween. Frankie = Walkie. </div>
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So we headed out to West Texas next. My favorite time is Fall in West
Texas, just wonderful and calm. We were ready to spend some quality time
with Papa Mark and NeNe. Chewy was excited to see us, too! We just hung
out and ate too much because when we get food we never have here, we go
a little crazy. Yep, no workout could fix what we did to our bodies!
Heddy brought over her three girls so we got to spend some time her so
that was a lot of fun. I enjoyed sitting and talking with my parents. Brenda was busy working on some neat sewing projects so those were neat to see as well. Walker takes a bit to warm up to men so by the end of the trip he was starting to think Dad was pretty cool. I want them to have a fun relationship and for Dubs to like to watch Dad work with wood in his shop and watch old westerns with him. Dad plays with him and gives him his space so as he grows they will be the best of pals. I hear Brenda lures one of her grandsons, Rex, that just loves Papa Mark, away with candy, so maybe Dad will lure him away from NeNe with chocolate! </div>
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I know boys get lots of injuries because they sure are rough. Walker
fell flat on the front of his forehead for the first time at the dog
park. I tried to catch him with my leg because he always falls and
sometimes I catch him, but this time my leg propelled him in the air. So
that's why he's got scratches on his head in his first pic of the Fall
with jeans on!<br />
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We made our way to Lubbock to see Texas Tech play West
Virginia. We went through Welch to visit Bill and Donna. Welch is one of
my favorite places in the world because it is just simple peace. It's
in the middle of nowhere and the presence of family is priceless. I think cotton is beautiful so we had to stop on the side of the road to snap a few pictures. I don't care if people wondered if we were crazy. Dad says I should have taken some to grow it in a pot for fun, but I forgot! <br />
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We got to Lubbock mid afternoon and Nick and I decided to hit up
Chimy's. The magic of Chimy's is something only Red Raiders can
understand! We sat at a table by these college kids and I had to roll my
eyes a little and how young they seemed and their conversations. Um was
that me in 2000? We decided to take a stroll around a bit of campus and
show Walker the ropes. <br />
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We stayed with Nick's roomate from college, Brandon and his wife, Sara. They have two adorable girls.. Kendall and Piper are about 2 and 4 years old. They were so much fun! Walker had a great time playing with them! Piper was very confused as to why Walker doesn't talk in sentences. We took the kids to the parade at campus and they loved the music. Then we went to Orlandos where I worked in college. The owner was there and I got to talk to her and see her daughter! Brandon and Sara live so far out in this land that was not there when I went to college. I always say it, Lubbock is growing like crazy! </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kendall feeding Walkie</td></tr>
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The boys went to the game which was early at 11 AM so Sara and I took the kids to the corn maze. Walker had so much fun riding the hayride and the little train. He wasn't really having pictures. He was too busy checking out all of the pumpkins and the hay. Well, Tech lost so the boys came home early and we grilled a bit. We had to get back that night so we could catch an early flight on Sunday so we headed back to Midland. We stopped in Lamesa and got to see Jodi and the boys. Walkie was done at this point and was very tired so he wasn't exactly friendly. I felt so bad, but atleast we got to visit with them.<br />
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In other news, I guess going on in the world we must touch on the Presidential election so when Walker reads this when he is 50 he can remember. I'm pretty far from political, but I also know I need to vote. Lesser of two evils in Clinton and Trump. That's about all I can say publicly without getting attacked. This is the first time a woman really may be our leader and it is also the first time someone without political experience can really be our leader. It's quite interesting and it's actually entertaining. Not sure if politics should be entertaining, but it really is. It is crazy to us this is the President Walker will know. I got Ronald Reagan and I'm pretty proud of that. I just pray Walker's future as well as our future is paved with good intentions from our next leader. The world is a scary place, maybe it always has been. There has always been violence and insanity. I want Walker to walk in the world with love and not be faced with the scary times that we can truly face. Even today at my age I do not know the sort of hardship my grandparents faced and I do not want that for my child or children. So I know our true leader is God even if that sounds cliche and our future will be okay in whomever's hands, I pray. <br />
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Next up is Halloween and then Thanksgiving! Such a fun time of year!<br />
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Julie Adams Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13401155626084109220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6026098193519131117.post-70066385867513736002016-09-21T13:10:00.001-07:002016-09-21T13:21:52.648-07:0014 Months of Fun<div style="text-align: center;">
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This kid is 14 months old this week. Are ya kidding me? Sometimes I get sad and miss when Walker was really little, but then I get excited he's so fun. And then I get even more excited one day he won't just point at things or say duh duh duh a lot! He's really into airplanes now, so much that when we are inside and we hears it he starts to point to the sky. He's quite insane climbing onto everything and throwing everything as if it is a ball. He loves to talk and sometimes he even hugs us! He's very determined and gets angry when he doesn't get things his way... doesn't sound like me at all... GG and NeNe taught him things like blowing kisses, high fives, Go Rangers with his hand in the air and fake coughing. GG is in trouble for that one. He is still scared of most men and some women at times. We really want to keep him around other kids so he doesn't get so attached to us. It's only bad when he's tired. He is cool with guys after a few days, but if you pick him up, that's when he screams at you. I have no clue why because Nick is the main man in his life and he's really cool with him. I heard once you spend the first year of a child's life keeping them alive, then the next year or so making sure they don't kill themselves. Yes. Following Walkie up and down the stairs... going to the playground is a must but exhausting as I follow him around making sure he doesn't jump off of something... making sure he doesn't jump in the pool after a toy... letting him play in the cupboards just hoping he doesn't get too far back and smash glass on the ground... remembering to lock up the nail polish remover... These kids are little monsters into everything! He also loves to pull on my ears when he is tired and sometimes pulls my hair. Hate to yell at him when he is tired, but, my hair does not enjoy being ripped from my head. He also tries to bite at times... he thinks it is funny. I don't think he enjoyed being bitten back one day. I try not to take a day for granted. Sometimes it is hard when you have a million things to do, but other days it is fun to just hang out and remember you don't get these days back!<br />
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We've been traveling A LOT lately. We got to go to Dallas to a Rangers game and see lots of friends one weekend... then Nick went on a sports excursion with his boys so W and I drove to Midland to see Dad and Brenda. We got to see Stephanie in Big Spring for a bit so that was neat! Then Chandra brought her girls over on Monday! Papa Mark and NeNe spoiled Walkie with toys and lots of good food. I had such a nice time relaxing with them and sharing Walker with his cool grandparents. Then we went to Phoenix meeting our best friends the Sznajders for a Texas Tech game. It was a hote weekend, but good times with good friends! We are tired of travel, but hitting Texas for a wedding, visit to West Texas and then again for the holidays this year! Again, you don't get these days back so it's okay! <br />
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Hanging out in Texas, September...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chandra's gals Landry & Leighton</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chilling like Papa Mark</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chandra, Leighton, Julie, Dubya</td></tr>
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Hanging out in Phoenix, September...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Godmother Karen, Guinnie, W, Julie with tired eyes</td></tr>
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Just being perfect... <br />
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