The Life of a Media Diva

A Weekend Filled with 30 Candles

2012-01-23T19:10:00.000-08:00

Looking back ten years ago I never knew where I would be at 30 years old. Sure, we all have dreams of what we want for our lives. We don't realize life happens and we just live day to day. Some dreams come true and others don't and other dreams come alive that we never knew existed. It all makes sense. One thing I can say about turning 30 is that I see God's hands in everything around me, in everything about my life, in everything I go through and everything I conquer. 30 is a whole new beginning. The 20s are over and we are on a new journey. It's quite exciting!!!

On my actual birthday I got my closest friends together at Saint Ann's in Dallas. We started on the patio then went inside to eat and hang out. We had the best time. We ate and laughed and laughed some more. They were the best gift. After Saint Ann's, Anna, Max, Jenna, Sarah, Nick and I all went to the Loon to end the night. It was very low key and I just loved it. I didn't want the night to end. Truly wonderful.

Nick's Parents

My dear friend, Sarah Michele Cohen

Wonderful friends Anna, Kacie, Andrea & Jana

Cody and I grew up next door to one another playing GI Joes and Barbies. Only fitting. I was so happy he and Kristy could join us!!!

I think this is the worst picture I've ever seen of me! But, it tasted good!

Others in attendance I didn't get great photos of: Geoff, Tony, Jenna, Kristy, Max, Jason & Michele

Nick planned a weekend of surprises. I had NO CLUE. I was scared to death! I'm a big time planner of each hour!!! We started off late because we were so tired from Thursday night! Nick planned a big breakfast, but he was nice enough to let me sleep a bit! Our first stop was the Dallas Zoo! He wanted me to feel young at heart. It was AMAZING!!!!!! My favorites were the penguins, goats and giraffes. The gorilla was asleep and he was so adorable. I totally understand how children love the zoo.

We then went out to Alla's Historical Bed and Breakfast. It was beyond a dream. The owners, Rick and Alla were so much fun. The home is about 100 years old. The things inside are so neat to look at. Alla is from Ukraine so she has so many stories. First off when we arrived they gave us a tour of the house and we sat down to talk a bit. I'll let the pictures tell the story of the home. Alla was such an interesting lady. First off, when you arrive you get a glass of wine. She sure fills that thing up! And you better not allow it to get low or she fills it up more. It made me giggle. She makes everything from scratch and organic so she has a lot of wisdeom about that. She and Rick sat with us for hours just telling stories. I could have sat there the entire night! Before we watched a movie and after we had our glass of wine with Rick and Alla, Nick surprised me with a hike at a nearby preserve. It was almost dark, but we got in a bit of a hike!!! At breakfast they ring the dinner bell and we all come! We had such a great breakfast. Rick and Alla again sat with us and talked. The food was very yummy, but the conversation was just as good! We will for sure be going back and sending friends to them! They have won many awards... in true reporter fashion I asked what made them different... Alla said hospitality. I believe her because they treated us like family!

Hiking

Saturday the first destination was the JFK Museum. I had wanted to go there forever. It was so interesting!!! We were wiped out so I went home for a nap before Nick surprised me with a night out at Terillis. It is a restaurant on Lower Greenville. Such a neat and nice atmosphere. We ate then came home for leftover birthday cake.

What a perfect weekend!!! I was surrounded with laughter and love the entire time. That is the best present of a 30th birthday weekend. Those not in attendance were surely there in heart. My Dad, Stepmommy, Tiffany, Chandra, Paige, Ashley & my nieces, Teffy... all even gave me a call since they were far away in distance!!! How wonderful to get to talk to your favorite people on the phone when they are not there!!! Here's a toast to another decade. It was a tremendous weekend. I thank God for each and every blessing.

Weekend Before 30

2012-01-16T12:46:00.000-08:00

I found the quotes below online. I don't like turning 30 because I don't like getting older and I don't like feeling like I am on this clock racing forward and I am falling behind! On the other hand I like turning 30 because I have more wisdom and life keeps getting better. I swear if I see a wrinkle I will kill it with Botox and if I see a gray hair I will pull it out!!! Oh dear oh dear...

Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. - Robert Frost

When you turn thirty, a whole new thing happens: you see yourself acting like your parents. - Blair Sabol

Everything I know I learned after I was thirty. - Georges Clemenceau

The only time you really live fully is from thirty to sixty. The young are slaves to dreams; the old servants of regrets. Only the middle-aged have all their five senses in the keeping of their wits. - Hervey Allen

I flew home this weekend to celebrate with family. On Friday night D'Layna and Donna came to meet us for dinner. It was such a great present to me. They are two of my favorite people. We ate with them and then went back to the house to catch up. Layna is growing up... She is such a good little girl. I am so proud of her.

Brenda made this apron for me. Hey, even the best chefs don't follow recipes. It tastes more eccentric this way!!!

Saturday Dad and I went shopping and watched football. We had a great time just enjoying each other. That night we all went to the theater to see "Steel Magnolias." I think I could stand up and join the play since I know most of the quotes!!! I loved every minute of it.

Sunday Brenda made us an elegant lunch of seafood. Yummo!!! It was so great. She also made me these special cake balls. We had such a good time. I keep saying that, don't I? Dad got me new running shoes so I took a stroll in the nice weather. It was a great great great weekend. I LOVE to go home and see my family!!! They make me laugh and keep me in line. I don't think they think 30 is old either!!!

Being 30 I hope Mom is proud of what I've become. I've made some wrong turns professionally in trying to find my niche, but I do believe the quote you somehow become your parents. I hope I become even a quarter of who they are. Last time Mom saw me I was a 19 year old young lady... so much to learn, so much to face, so much to walk. She must be proud because she taught me so much about living and loving every day of her short life!!! Dad is proud even when I do stupid things and act like a child... like letting water flow onto the floor of a guest's home while in the shower!!! We can't grow up all the way ever ;)... I learn from him every single day no matter what age. And my Stepmommy teaches me humility, grace and love along the way. She is proud of all of us in different ways. I hope I continue to climb a ladder to happiness giving them accolades along the way. Of course, it's all God, He sent these people to me so it's all HIM...

Here we go. Three more days. Grin and bear it.

29 Celebrations

2012-01-12T08:51:00.000-08:00

29 years of birthdays and parties. One week from today I am 30. We are having a big dinner with friends at St. Ann's downtown then Nick is whisking me away on a surprise adventure!!! I love birthdays!!!

1. I am pretty adorable. Here starts the Pink Panther cake. I loved him.

2. We would have big gatherings with neighbors and family friends. I was the only child, grandchild and niece so I didn't have cousins, but I had a lot of extended family members!!!

3. I sure did love Pink Panther.

4. We held another party at the house. This was the first party, I think, that the Stewarts were at as I know Stephanie and I have been friends since we were three and four years old!

5. We had a lot of parties at the church skating. We would skate and play basketball. Vicki always made me an amazing cake.

6. We were at Skateland! I was so excited because my cousin made her daughter and I matching shirts! We were all so young in this picture. Six years old seems like a million years ago. I'm still friends with many people in this picture.

7. Is that a Pink Panther cake? Ah how I love him.

8. Alf. Enough said.

9. I love this picture because it is my two very best friends, Chandra and Stephanie with me. I had a Bart cake! Jordan was my boyfriend back then, too, and they kept telling me he was there, but he wasn't!

10. It snowed us out and we couldn't go skating so we moved the party to my house. We lived it up. I love the Michael Jordan cake! We all played in the snow and played board games. What a great age!

11. We had a cupcake fight at Skateland. I loved every minute of it! My little boyfriend, Jordan and I got to couple skate!

12. I guess I wanted to wear a blazer and look like a business lady! 12 seems so young now. We had a big party where four of us hosted all wearing our jean outfits and we invited almost our whole class. We danced... but, far away from one another!

13. We had a big slumber party at my house. My poor parents of a 13 year old! That was the time when you prank called and toilet papered houses. Man, we had fun!!!

14. I must say 14 was not my "prettiest" year... bangs, braces, brows... I rock, I know.

15. I don't remember much about that birthday. I guess I was a freshman. My life revolved around basketball. I probably had a game on my actual birthday. I did many years! I remember having a get together, but we didn't take any pictures!!!

16. My mom tried to throw me a surprise party, but you can never surprise me! Even in high school I had too many different friends in different groups to figure out who I wanted there! We had everyone over for cake and ice cream! I got a green Mustang as my first car and I proudly drove it to Student Council on my actual birthday!

16.

17. In this picture I had gotten home and Heddy had decorated my door. I had one of the best birthdays that year, but I don't know why. It was just so much fun and I got so many neat things. My mom sent me that stuffed animal to school. I named him T.C. for TCBY because we went there that night!

18. We were seniors in high school... I just remember not really caring as much about 18 when I had always heard it was this amazing birthday. We all went over to celebrate in Midland at Chilis then went to a movie.

18.

19. My first year in college. Oh man. We had a big party at a sorority sister's house and the cops came and made everyone leave! I wore this crazy pink shirt that made me look like a vinyl Barbie doll. I thought I was pretty cool.

20. We had a pre party so these were three of my friends from Big Spring that came! It was Boys Bid Night so we hit Greek Circle that night.

21. The infamous 21st birthday. Cohen came down to surprise me!

22. Last year in college. We had a party at the house after Jana, Stephi, me and Andrea went to Cafe J for dinner.

23. I think for my birthday we all went to Chilis. This is my very best friend, Chandra. She missed my 21st birthday to go skiing and knows she will never live it down.

24. Abilene, Texas. We went out after work to a little place by KTAB. I was dating some new guy and he was there, too. We went bowling for another part of the party!

25. Tyler, Texas. I had my reporter friends and church friends in one place. It was great!

26. I had just moved to Dallas so I went back to Tyler for my birthday party. I was so sick that I could hardly speak!!!

27. Blackfinn in Dallas. I invited too many people, but we had such a fun time dancing and singing!!!

28. We had a Korean Karaoke Party. It was so much fun and wildly insane!

29. Each year in Dallas we try to get the Big Springers with January birthdays together on one day for one big celebration. Tara & Lauren both share January with me.

30-Year Old Julie

2012-01-06T14:49:00.000-08:00

My new thought process is, "Would 30 year old Julie wear this?" "Would 30 year old Julie like this?" "Would 30 year old Julie do this?" This helps me figure out what clothes to donate and what I want to do for the night and what I eat... so forth. It also makes me realize as I told Nick "30 year old Julie still likes Disney Channel," and as I spot a bunny rabbit, "30 year old Julie likes bunnies." You just don't grow up all the way. Nope. Never. She's just smarter. Wiser. More fierce. A tiny bit more assertive? Hopefully. She sure doesn't wear some of the crazy outfits she wore in college. 25 year old Julie didn't wear those either so there really is no change!

Maybe I should take January to speak about turning 30. Blogging about it. In ten days the 20s are gone. Not that they have been great or bad. I don't even know what to say about the decade. I graduated college, moved to Abilene, moved to Tyler, moved to Dallas, was a news reporter then a marketing lady all lost in what I truly want for myself. I've seen so many things happen in a short period of ten years.

I've seen life transition in ways I never understood. I've seen friends I never thought change and morph into someone I never knew. I've seen society make people a little too high and mighty. Kindness from strangers and a love for the elderly. I realize the oldest people I ever knew are being replaced with the younger people I once knew. My friends talk about their children and wrinkles instead of boys and basking in the sun. Though we all age in a sense I can still get in the floor and play with young children. The magic of Santa Claus doesn't seem to ever totally fade away. I'm supposed to cook and clean and tend to a home. We all wonder why we ever had to grow up. But, then if never had we grown up we would be stuck as children never feeling respect and never fully understanding life.

I lost my mother when I was 19 so I don't count it in the 20s. I spent many years in my 20s trying to sort it out. She never knew me this age and I wonder what she would think and how she would give me advice on life. I wonder what she was like at this age. If she had lived this long it might not have been so great because she was always pretty ill and it would have gotten worse over the years making us worry about her even more. Most people at 30 haven't faced some of the weird losses I have faced, but maybe it's a blessing. As in I lost my mother, grandmother, another grandmother, good friend... all very quickly in a split second. It did save me a lot of heartache of having to watch them go over a long period of time. The age old question of what is the best way to go? If I'm being unselfish like I should be in family thoughts I would say I'm so glad it happened to Dad's three closest people in a fast way because I don't want to see him suffer like I remember when Grandaddy passed over a period of a few months. Dad doesn't need that. He's strong, but the soul can only take so much before it cracks. Still I get a bit envious at people with great grandparents and grandparents who are 90, but that's just how it is. My Adams family is very special filled with many ages. We don't all get to see each other a lot and the oldest is 91 years old. Such a special family we have. I am very blessed when I think of it like that.

People say 30 is the beginning of everything. 30 is when you don't have to climb so hard to figure everything out. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but it will come in time. I want a house with a husband and one day a dog and kids. The kids thing scares me to high heaven, but it's in the idea of perfection. I knew at 22 I wouldn't be sitting in a newsroom saying I've been there for eight years. Dad always asked why there were no older reporters... because they got smart with money and their social life, he would say. Yep. Should have listened sooner, but man, I had a blast.

Sometimes my soul is old. Sometimes my soul is so young. 30 year old Julie is the same person, yet different. God will never let us stop growing as people. The best thing about 30 year old Julie is that she knows God, puts family first, does not take relationships for granted, dotes on animals, will push a train out of the way for just about anyone, will give a dollar to the homeless if it is the last one in the wallet, laughs through tears, is learning to be a good cook, cleans baseboards on occasion and loves with all her heart. That Julie will never change... okay, except maybe the baseboards thing... The world never stops spinning so why should we?

New Years 2012

2012-01-03T13:07:00.000-08:00

Here we are 2012. I am praying for a great year.

We celebrated New Year's Eve in Austin for Jana's 30th birthday. It was a big surprise! There were five couples. We got an amazing house on Lake Travis! I guess I'll let the pictures tell some of the story!

We started out at Hula Hut. We were all there and Andrea stopped there telling Jana she just wanted to use their bathroom. She was so confused.

This is the house... It was amazing! We played pool, enjoyed the hot tub and could see stars!!!

The guys cooked us all a big breakfast the next morning. I think the guys did more cooking and cleaning on this trip than us. Wow! Jana loves being outdoors so that morning we all went for about a three mile walk/hike. Along our hike we saw the camel below! He was at this huge home... how fun to have a pet camel! After our hike we decided to "lay out" because it was really nice outside! The boys threw the football while the girls chit chatted and did our nails.

We headed out that night to Z Tejas for dinner. We got all gussied up together upstairs while the guys played pool. I was not sure about wearing a dress right after eating the entire holidays, but it turned out okay! After dinner we went to a new place in Austin just for a bit to take some pictures and watch a fireworks show. Dennis Quaid was there with his wife. Not cool. Kacie and Jana went to get a picture and he wouldn't talk to them. He turned his head! His wife's friend came over later and said, "Honey, it's okay, he's married." Kacie was like, "I am, too! I just wanted a picture!" It became quite the joke of the entire trip. He didn't impress me anyway... he was short and then I wondered why a 57 year old man was at the bar? Oh well, we had a good time anyway! Oh... so in the middle of all of this I am getting sick and pretty much lose my voice. I tried to keep talking, but it sure was difficult!

The girls: Kacie, Taby, Jana, Andrea, Shyloh, Julie

Kacie.

After we got back everyone changed into comfy clothes so we could get in the hot tub and dance in the living room. I don't dance... but, the girls are pretty much professionals! Taby didn't dance either! We did a little, but mainly we just laughed. They were doing cheerleading stunts and being funny. Shane took a million photos of this, but I haven't seen them yet! When the clock struck midnight I think we were all chatting on the couch and some of the guys were playing pool so we had to all come together quickly!

We really had a blast. I'd rate it up there among the best New Years I've had! It was just fun to be around such a great group of people. Everyone is just so kind and fun and friendly... except Dennis Quaid.

Here's to 2012!!!

Christmas Magic 2011

2011-12-28T12:30:00.001-08:00

There shouldn't be days between Christmas and New Years. Or if there are days then we should just be chilling out with the family and never work! After Christmas it's always about tearing down the decor, putting up gifts and working off calories. The magic slowly fades and we are back into normal life instead of walking on the magical clouds of the holiday season. Hey, it's how I've felt all my life. I absolutely love the season! It's magical to me. Santa is real to me during the holidays. Then it becomes January and it's my birthday month so a whole new sort of excitement starts in... (not turning 30 though... not cool)...

We began Christmas as my Dad and Brenda made their way to Dallas. We took a day to visit my Dad's Aunt Polly & Uncle Pat. They've been married 64 years! They are very funny to listen to... I sat down with Polly and listened to stories of my Granny Jac. It was very interesting to me. I had a lot of questions and it was neat to get her perspective. My grandmother was a beautiful, smart, tough woman. She was the oldest of three children and their mother died at a young age. She passed away three years ago; I would often ask her about her childhood and time on the farm. It was neat to hear Polly's life as well. I love old stories about "back then." It was just such a different time that I just cannot comprehend. I think Dad enjoyed visiting with them and his cousin, Jane and her family as well. What fun!

We had Christmas that night with the Gray family just together opening gifts. Nick got me a Netflix subscription and a stainless steel trash can... don't laugh... I really wanted a nice one! I got him a new golf bag and the Mavs DVD Journey to the NBA! He might have liked the DVD better than the golf bag - he was so excited!!!

We went to Original Pancake House in Addison on Christmas Eve morning. I always say I want a pig. Brenda gave me one... I love him.

Christmas Eve we went back to the Gray household and all of the Bennetts came over... Nick's godfather/godmother and kids. It was a zoo! It was so much fun!

Nick; Julie; Nick's brother, Justin

Then Dad, Brenda and I went to the house to open gifts. We always give a lot of gifts in the family to open. One gift might just be a big thing of gum, but it's fun to open it! I got some really neat, thoughtful things. Again the most things I got were for the kitchen. I'm almost fully domesticated! My last gift to the parents were the big hits. Dad got himself a book of his blogs from 2003 to now... he writes email blogs... I picked out my favorites and put them in a book online. Brenda got a canvas of our family photo. She sure did love it. We played with our gifts and looked at them for a while before everyone packed it up for the night.

My gifts from Dad and Brenda. What a haul! Dad did all of the wrapping so he was very proud of himself. We've always given a lot of gifts just for fun growing up. Dad loves to rip open packages so all of his packages must be actually wrapped!

My little tree.

Heck yes. One thing all the kids get is like a year long supply of cleaning supplies. We get a box of all the essentials.

Christmas morning we headed to my stepbrother's house in Oklahoma. My nieces, Rylie and Saige had gotten Barbie cars to zoom around in... they were showing off their skills! My sister in law's family came for dinner to that night... Aww so much fun. I love playing with the girls. They are just at the best age. They play salon with me and brush my hair really hard, Rylie fell on me and hit me with her head where I now still have a red bruise, we played Barbies, watching "Gnomeo and Juliet" 8 million times... Other than that we chilled with the family and watched movies and talked. We went into town a few times and shopped a bit as well. Ya just gotta hit those after Christmas sales!

Word to the wise... You may not want to play "make up" with little girls! At first Saige would do something insane and Rylie would say, "You look terrible." Then I guess it got fun so they began to just make art on my face!

We had a wonderful Christmas. I enjoy every single minute with the family. It's not about the gifts, we know that. God has blessed us so much. I feel unworthy at times of all of this love being poured upon me with family, but God has His ways! Very thankful for blessings this Christmas. Now here we go into 2012. I can say that 2011 wasn't my favorite year, but it taught me a lot of lessons. Now I guess we just have to worry about the Mayan calendar ending a few days before Christmas in 2012. The world ending might fit into the magic of Christmas!!!

Kappa Delta Pledge Class 2000 Mini Reunion

2011-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

Kappa Delta Pledge Class 2000 Mini Reunion at Patrizio's in Dallas.

Have we changed? Naaahhh...

2000.

2004.

2009.

2011.

Peace

2011-12-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

I wore bright red leg warmers last night. I did. I looked pretty cool and got a lot of compliments, too.

We went to Holiday Trail of Lights in McKinney last night. The trail was not exactly something exciting, but we did get to pet an albino snake, drink expensive hot chocolate, look at dinosaurs and there were actually stars out there because it's far enough away from the city!

This is us with Father and Mother Time...

The holidays are so amazing. I keep writing about that so maybe I'll write about the other side of the holidays. They say the holidays make us remember those we love and have lost. Why is that true? I keep remembering back to the year after Mom passed. Dad and I had no idea where to start. We looked at one another and the presents scrawled between us. We have come so far since then. It blows my mind. I know he wanted to make it normal for me. Our traditions are very different now and we have a whole new family... maybe we even have two if you count Nick's family. Things always change, don't they? Even if Mom were still here I believe our traditions would change and grow as time went on. Sometimes we don't mean to, but they creep back into our memories. Today at church we were singing hymns and I remember we always had to sing a hymn while Mom played the piano before we opened gifts. I smiled softly. Then I fast forwarded to standing outside Grandmommy's home and I remember swearing I could see the star of Jesus. I stared into the night sky trying to find it. Granny Jac always gave these insane gifts, but she was so proud of them. Dad would get a bunch of black socks... one year we have it on video soap on a rope! She just thought of us in everything. We always had Christmas with Grandaddy and Rae on another day, I recall, and she always had things on back order because she loved to order us things from Neiman Marcus or give me a pristine doll when I really liked Barbies. She had amazing taste! Our last Christmas together when I was ten Grandaddy gave me the handwritten story of his life... the best present you could get. Priceless. He passed away the next year. I don't have grandparents anymore, but that is okay. Even in the last few Christmases Grandmommy just wanted to go to Heaven. Selfishly I hate that and I want to shower her with fun gifts that she hated because she always told me she had too much! The last time I saw her was last Christmas. We spoke all of the time, but actually hugging her was Christmas. On the way home I remember telling Dad we had to always make it count with her because "this could be her last Christmas." Wonder why I said that? She was in just fine health. Weird. I just knew she wanted to go to Heaven and she was ready whenever it was her time. So Christmas does make me miss all of them so very much.

We are very blessed to have Brenda and our entire family. I know they had traditions growing up that were probably different, but we all morph to make it work. This year they will come here and we will go to the Gray Christmas Eve then to my stepbrother's family's home in Oklahoma for Christmas Day. We had the tradition for 20 years going to the Stewart family Christmas on Eve. They are my second family. But, we have to compromise as we have relationships and we have to grow along with that.

Along with Christmas the sermon today was on peace. Peace is mentioned so many places in the Bible. As Christians we must find peace in the storm no matter what. That peace that surpasses understanding that we know is from Jesus. We all have different storms. Sometimes it is hard to find peace in it all. With the bustle of Christmas as we slow down the pain might creep into our hearts. We look at children so excited to see Santa Claus and jumping for joy at every light they see. We yearn to be that way again. Those memories can make us tear up wondering where that naive little kid went. We all grow up, don't we? I may be grown up, but the lights and the joy still bring a smile to my face. I hear happy stories during this time and I see the joy in other's eyes and I hear people so excited talking about the perfect gift for someone else. I smile. Joy. Peace. It's all in there. The preacher talked about a family who had this perfect nativity scene and the little boy kept putting his t-rex in with it. They all laughed. They said maybe the t-rex symbolizes something is always trying to take our joy and peace, but that baby in the manger could always handle the monster.

I leave below my pictures of my loved ones during some of my favorite Christmas moments. Peace fills my heart. Joy fills my mind.

By far my favorite. My Grandaddy Don was diagnosed with a form of heart cancer around this time; You can tell he is a bit puffy, well, he got so puffy his arms looked like Popeye because the tumor was in his artery as this was one of the first 100 confirmed cases of heart cancer. He was such a loving and gentle man. I wish I had gotten to know him longer.

Grandmommy gave me the coolest gifts. She would give me the JCPenney catalog and I got to circle what I wanted. I had a special little tree there, too. She always cooked the best steaks for Christmas growing up. We would watch soap operas, I remember, after lunch on Christmas Day!

Granny Jac had this beautiful cuckoo clock from overseas and every year I would see if I could make it cuckoo. When I was in fifth grade I was finally tall enough to reach it! I now have it in my dining room. She was amazing.

Mom didn't like pictures that much, but she always had me taking in them. Every year she would dress me up in different outfits and we'd take photos! I remember the first time I had my own money I got her a Gap sweatshirt for Christmas. I was so excited! We loved to sing and then read the Bible story before we opened gifts. So many good memories.

This is Grandaddy and Rae. She was dad's stepmom, but always my grandmother as well. I loved this doll they gave me so much. I still have her. I pierced her ears and bought her cute clothes!

This was our last Christmas together. 2000. I don't recall much about it and I want to kick myself for it. I think there was a freeze that year... I was in college mode and brought everything home from my dorm, I guess, to show off college life? I saw in my journal I wrote Mom and I had watched Christmas movies all day while Dad was at work and how much I had enjoyed that. She was just becoming more of a friend than a mom to me. Good memories!

Tangled Lights

2011-12-12T11:55:00.000-08:00

I wrote this Christmas story a few years agoand sent it to many. It seems with the economy and life in itself we are living a life of tangled lights, but we need to see through the pain to the blessings in those tangles. It is a story about a young woman who is so busy trying to run away from her own life that she forgets to write her own chapters. It will teach you how you may not can change the whole world, but you can atleast change your own. Merry Christmas and God Bless.

"Tangled Lights"

I've never understood Christmas lights. The strands of colorful little bulbs get stuck together and end up in this ridiculously impossible coil. I wonder who in their right mind decided we should spend all day in the cold unraveling the impossibility and stringing it around the house just to make it look festive. I stared at my own version of Christmas. The tangled lights coiled around my arm as I shook harder and harder trying to get them to fall to the ground.

"Hey there, Arden, you getting in the spirit this year?" I looked up to see my too-full-of-joy neighbor, Mr. Clarence standing on his porch. The old man's suspenders were decorated with pictures of mistletoe, his porch neatly decorated with poinsettias. I laughed, "No, no sir. Just trying to spread a little cheer. I'll be working through the holidays so this is about as good as it gets." Mr. Clarence shook his head. "I understand, I've been a little down because I just can't find the perfect apples for my wife's apple pie we bake every year. It's just impossible with the freeze." He made small talk probably wondering why a young woman would spend Christmas alone doing sales work on her computer. Fine with me; I was accustomed to getting the annual fruitcake from my grandmother in the mail, the card stuffed with money from my dad and the yearly ham wrapped in tacky wrapping from the office. This was my Christmas.

"Your cell phone was ringing," The intern, Jamie handed me the phone as I reached into the copy machine. "It says it was your dad." I stared up at her. "Don't look at who calls me. Don't you know that's an invasion of my privacy?" "Yes, it's just he's called a lot lately and you never answer." I angrily walked away to my desk. "He wants to know about Christmas. I'm not coming. It's one day. My lord, one day of family and food. What's the point? So I can go home without a new fiancé and listen to my brother talk about the newest gadgets he got the kids and watch all of them frolic in their perfect little lives?" Jamie lowered her head. She was right out of college, one of those girls that got married then had a baby and was living life exactly like society seemed to think women needed to live back in the early 80s. "So, are we working Christmas?" I thought she was nuts to even ask me that question after knowing my work ethic. I didn't take vacations like most employees and I didn't know the meaning of a holiday. "Of course. We'll get a leg up on the competition." I knew her little boy was celebrating his first Christmas, but it seemed to me everyone should be miserable with me. "It's one day, Jamie. It won't hurt us." She blankly stared at me. "It's a whole season. It's not just about family either. You know, it's about... Jesus." "Well, Jamie, I'll celebrate Jesus while I make money."

I flipped through the channels of sweet-candy Christmas movies. My Christmas candy was filled with jawbreakers instead of caramel. Those movies just made me want to throw the television out the window. It seems every year they begin coming on earlier and earlier. Halloween might as well be the holiday season. I began to fall asleep with the sounds of Jimmy Stewart talking to his angel. A knock at the door jolted me from my quick slumber. Not knowing if it was evening or the middle of the night I quickly opened the door. A young woman with long, straight black hair dressed in a green Christmas sweatshirt, a red skirt and green tights stood there. I wondered if one of Mr. Clarence's decorations had come to life. "Hi, Arden." Her voice was raspy, yet quiet. "Uh... hi. Can I help you? Are you the new girl at work? Do you need to pick up some samples?" She giggled quietly. "Oh no, no. I'm here for you, Arden. You're coming with me." I didn't really wonder why this stranger was telling me she was here for me. Was she some saleswoman on my porch? She continued, "I'm Prudence. Call me Pru. Here's the deal, you have no Christmas spirit, Arden, and there's some family members that want that changed so I'm here to fix it." She nodded as if that explanation would make me think she wasn't some killer at my house. "Is this some sort of joke? How do you know my name? I'm not coming with you because you could be some Christmas killer. And, honey, I have Christmas spirit. Did you not see my lights?" She shook her head as I kept on trying to get the weirdo to disappear. "Whoa, whoa. Wait... Is this some sort of Christmas Past, Present, Future blah blah blah? Are you a ghost? What is this?" The stranger called Pru nodded, "Not exactly, but we're going to get nostalgic to find your spirit." Then everything went black.

I wondered if she had hit me in the head with a frying pan. The blurry image of her green tights came into focus as I felt the snow beneath my feet. Had she taken me to a desolate island? "What are you doing? I'll call the police. I just have to... well, find my phone." I shuffled around my jean pockets finding nothing. Pru only smiled. "I don't want to be here either. Don't you think I have better things to do this holiday season? I'm trying to get my wings. That's the only reason I'm helping you." Was I dreaming? It felt all too real to be a dream. Wings? "Excuse me? Look, we can get you help. I know some great therapists-" "I don't need therapy, Arden. Would you look up and just believe me? I really don't want to deal with your difficulties today." My house sat in front of me. Hundreds of miles away from my apartment here I sat in front of my childhood home. Didn't they do this to Scrooge? "They can't see you. It's just a look into the past," Pru said dryly. I watched as we were inside and the scent of cinnamon filled the air. Soft Christmas music floated through the house and my eyes landed on what once was my family sitting around the ornate tree. It was me. The little girl with long blonde hair bounced up and down as she shook the present between her hands. My older brother, Griffin threw pieces of popcorn in his mouth giggling as he caught them. My dad looked a hundred years younger. He sat back watching us with that smile I remembered and hadn't seen in so long. And then she walked in the room. She was still alive, it was our last Christmas with her, I know that now. Her eyes sparkled as she snapped photos of us playing around the tree. "We forgot an ornament this year. I picked it up especially for you." My dad stood up handing her a small shiny bell. As I drew closer I saw my mother's initial inscribed across the bell. "Like your favorite movie. Ya know, 'It's A Wonderful Life' because our life is just that wonderful." We all laughed together as they hung the ornament on the perfect little tree. I shook my head wondering what was actually going on in that room at that very moment. "I don't understand why you're making me see this." I said it so quietly that I thought maybe I was watching my own dream. "You need to remember Christmas." I took a step away from the whole picture. "No, I don't. You think seeing this and feeling the pain that this isn't life anymore is going to make me Santa? It just makes me angry. My mother died the next year. We didn't have anything else like this again. Do you want me to tell you so you can get your stupid wings about trying to make new traditions and learn to make pralines just like hers? This isn't helping. I want out. Just let me wake up, Prudence." Pru looked confused as this was probably not following her perfect little Christmas bedtime story formula. She grabbed my hand and again everything went black.

"You're making my journey to wings a tough one, Arden." "Yeah, well, I wish you would have a little pep in your own voice. Why couldn't they send me a hot angel?" She gestured towards the same room, but a different scent filled the air. "I told you I don't want to do this anymore. I don't need you and I really don't care about your wings. I'm not Scrooge. Did you take a wrong turn?" She ignored me making me stand in that moment. I remembered that Christmas. I learned to bake the best pecan pie on the block at fourteen years old. Griffin sat near the tree spinning his new basketball around his fingertips. The tree was the same with the same lights and the same ornaments, just not so neatly decorated. Dad propped his feet up sprawling the newspaper between his hands. And young Arden cut into her pie. We had to make new traditions. We learned how to open gifts and sing carols again. We had the opportunity to make a new Christmas. Dad gently put down his newspaper and smiled at us like we were the only people in the world. "Guys, I'm thinking of marrying Annie. What would you say to that?" It was quiet as both teenagers stopped all action. "Go for it, Dad," Griffin laughed. I bit into my pie. "She's really nice." I remember saying those words to him and I remember knowing life was going to be a little brighter because a new journey meant a new world for all of us. "No matter what, your mother will always be your mother. And we'll always remember her every day especially the holidays. I love you kids more than life itself. Always remember." I turned to Pru secretly wishing I could stay and watch them open gifts and read the Bible. "I had to show you the next chapter," she replied dryly.

I was never drinking wine again. I unplugged the lights and stared outside the window. The snow fell lightly against the trees. The quiet of Christmas engulfed me. Homes were filled with laughter and light while all I wanted to do was extra work. I turned from the window only to see Pru standing in my living room. "Wow. Am I ever going to wake up? Is this like one of those dreams where you're asleep for days? Am I in a coma?" "You aren't asleep. Stop saying that." "Well, if we're replaying 'The Christmas Carol' then you should be another ghost." Pru put out her hand. "I told you this isn't the normal old fairytale." "Whatever," I said thoroughly believing I would awaken from the nightmare at any minute so I might as well play along. "I guess we still have present and future, don't we?" I said quietly. "Not exactly. But, we are going to see Present right now."

My ghost angel, whatever she was, had lost her mind. We stood in the living area of a small, quaint home nicely decorated, but nothing I could recall. Pru wasn't doing her job. I had seen on those other 'Christmas Carols' they take the character to an old aunt's home to see everyone badmouthing them. Then, I heard their voices. "It's just part of the corporate world. You work your way up. You work a few holidays. It's really no big deal." They walked around the corner holding the infant wrapped in blue blankets. I hadn't allowed myself to get close to Jamie, but by being my intern she was my little slave. I had to teach her all I knew and I had to make her my assistant. I was quite envious of her little life. She rocked little Alexander in her arms quietly. "I know it's the ladder, Jeff, but it's about Arden. I've spent months trying to make her see the light of things and she shuns me. I try so hard to be her friend so I can help her and she just runs." They sat in a room without a Christmas tree as presents lined the coffee table. They were everything I wanted to be even though they didn't have half of what I did in monetary value. "Honey," Jeff pulled both of them close to him, "You'll work hard and you'll give Arden all of your spirit on Christmas and we'll be waiting right her for you with a big pumpkin pie and a book of carols when you get home." I turned around to Pru. "What's the point of this mush?" She laughed. "You affect people's lives with your spirit. It's your choice just how you choose to spread that spirit." She took my hand and all went black again.

Annie's elaborate decorations filled their house with such celebration. Everything seemed to be stuck in time as if I were looking at a picture. Atleast it was predictable this time where Pru chose to take me. I hadn't been home in so long that the small things were the easiest to forget. Walking around the corner I began to hear the laughter as my brother's six year old twins decorated a gingerbread house with Annie. After Griffin and Christy got married I felt like she took my place as the daughter of the home. She wasn't broken like me. I watched the two golden children fight over decorations. "Can we eat this on Christmas?" Eden asked excitedly. Annie laughed. "What if I want to keep it as a decoration forever and ever?" "Why don't you send it to Aunt Arden for giving you those big ole gifts under the tree?" I looked up to see my brother whisking into the room. I hadn't gotten the kids Christmas gifts in years, only sent gift cards. "Why did he say I got them gifts?" Pru rolled her eyes. "Don't you think it's easier for your brother to make sure family comes first and the kids don't end up hating you for never giving them toys? He's been doing that every year." "Maybe she'll come this year. I told Santa it'd be great to have the whole family together." Griffin put his hand on Edison's head. "Son, I really doubt she'll be able to make it this year. She just works so hard and doesn't really get any free time." "It's Christmas. Who cares about free time? You can always make time to come and build a snowman with me," Eden said sadly. It wasn't that my heart was so cold I thought my family wouldn't notice my absence each year. I knew every family has a connection and without each link they are not whole.

"Can we go back now? Do you have your wings yet?" I asked Pru. She grabbed my arm. "Far from it. Let's go into the den." Dad sat in his recliner reading over the afternoon paper. He never was one to partake in decorating even when we were children. Annie sat down beside him staring at the wall. "The kids are worried about Arden and Christmas." He didn't even put down the paper. "Christmas is a special time, Annie. She has too many memories of her mother at the holidays. If it hurts too much to come for her, then so be it." I laughed to myself. My dad was standing up for his little girl. He didn't really know the reasons I wasn't there. He just knew it was a duty to protect me. "Oh, please. It's been so many years and she came home for many of those years. The girl is selfish. I know she's not my own so I may be wrong in saying it, but she's plain selfish, Albert." Dad nodded his head and finally put down the paper. "I know. I can't change the world for her. I can't make her spirit come alive."

The darkness engulfed me again before I could hear the rest of their conversation. My blood boiled. I was not dead. Again standing on my porch staring at the brightness of Christmas. I glanced to my side to again see Pru. "Why are you still here? We didn't the whole traveling through time thing so now it's time for you to go away and let me see my future where I die an old alone woman because I had no Christmas cheer." She shook her head. "Well, it's just ridiculous. My spirit isn't dead. My dad doesn't have to change my world. I'm alive." "Fine. Then where's the truth? I've heard countless people claim to be Christians because they go to church. People claim to be psychics because they win the lottery. I wouldn't be here if you weren't doing the same thing with your spirit." I wanted her to disappear. I realized I wasn't exactly angry at her or at Christmas, but I wanted everything to change. My spirit had begun to fade years earlier and I let the light dim until it was barely a flicker. "Tell me, Arden, why did you really stop going home? You love family and lights. What happened?" "Life happened. After Mom died my dad got remarried and everyone seemed to fit into their own little places... except me. It wasn't about Jesus anymore, it wasn't about family even, it was about getting through the season without tears. So I stopped going home. I stopped buying gifts. I just hung some lights and went on to work." I wondered if my speech had made Pru sprout her wings. It seemed in the movies after the big reveal of pain everything changes. She crossed her arms. "You're a stubborn one. We all fit into our own little places and we all can't fit in that box of perfection you have in your mind. You can live like this hurting everyone around you for fifty more years for all I care. Or you can start changing your world this Christmas." She turned to walk away. "Wait, what about your wings? Did you get them?" Pru laughed. "That's up to you. I'm a rookie at all this changing the world stuff."

I never thought one person could change the world. It was all coming into perspective how Pru explained if we cannot change the world then atleast we can change our own world. Somehow my world had gotten tangled. Somewhere between baking pecan pies and throwing lights on my house I had lost everything my mother fought so hard to achieve. She spent countless hours each Christmas making sure every present was exactly what we asked for... she baked pralines and cookies just to make us happy... she played the easiest songs on the piano so we could sing along. Dad's home was now the same happy place full of anxious gift givers and and pies of every flavor. The story of Jesus' birth never changed. My family, Mr. Clarence's family, Jamie's family all sat down to read the exact same story. The backgrounds of our lives were so different, yet we came together in the universe for the same reasoning. I didn't want my life to be like this year after year. I wanted to read that story, eat those pies and rip open gifts. I wanted to fit into my own box of perfection for once. After I finally figured out just how to change my world I realized I only had a few hours to do it.

After a good night's sleep I awoke to the sun blazing through my window. Christmas Day. It was time to make things happen. I ran outside to see Mr. Clarence picking up his morning newspaper. "Hey, Mr. Clarence," I waved at the jolly man across the lawn. "I'm on my way home." He smiled. "Well, Merry Christmas to you and the family. By the way, thanks for the apples. Not sure where you got them, but your friend brought them over and boy, they are perfect for my pies." I was confused. "My friend?" "Oh yeah, the gal on your porch. Long black hair." I couldn't help but laugh. I might be crazy, but atleast the whole town was going crazy with me.

The office was quiet except for the humming of the overhead lights. I was a few minutes late after gathering all of the gifts I had purchased late Christmas Eve at the only stores still open. Nothing like last minute Christmas shopping with the crowds. Jamie popped out of her seat. "Hi, I was worried. You're never late." She said quietly. I brought out a box with a small fiber optic Christmas tree knowing it was more than she had sitting in that living area. "Listen, Jamie, go home and enjoy the day and don't come back until next year." I handed her the box. "This is for you and the family. And this," I picked up another bag of toys, "is for Benjamin." She stared at me as if I was a predator invading Arden's body. I didn't feel there was a need for explanation other than the fact I had bit hit in the head with a spirit stick.

The drive home was long and cold. I wasn't like Scrooge where I wanted to shout Christmas blessings to everyone honking and driving alongside me, but I did feel like cranking up the Christmas tunes. A long drive reminds me to think and ponder on the days gone and the days ahead. I understood a personality couldn't be changed through one night of reasoning, but this was the beginning of a beautiful journey for me.

I didn't ring the doorbell. I simply walked in the home carrying bags of gifts. The twins ran through the hall into my arms. Jumping up and down tearing apart my hair. Griffin and Christy stood behind them in awe. "I brought you two some goodies," I laughed. Eden ripped the gifts out of my hand and thrust them toward her daddy. "Look, she got us more!" I stood up in front of my brother. "Actually those other gifts under the tree are really from your own parents. These are really from me." Eden and Edison took the rest of the gifts and excitedly ran into the other room. "If they're really from you I'm scared of what you'd get two six year olds." Griffin laughed. He hugged me as if we hadn't seen one another in years. Maybe in spirit we hadn't.

The kitchen was filled with pies and candy. Annie stood over the turkey finishing off its perfect glaze. My dad stood at the bar finishing off his glass of apple cider. As I walked around the corner our eyes met and froze as if we were two beings from another planet. Without a word my dad swept me into his arms and erased away the years.

It seems so easy, but putting away pride and starting a new journey is never easy. Those that truly love others don't ask too many questions and don't ever give up hope that one day down the road that loved one might just come walking through the door. I had walked through a door I had shut in my own face and in that moment I suddenly found myself surrounded by the same love I felt as a little girl. I wandered into the living area as the kids ripped open their gifts under the tree. Dad sat holding an old photo in his hands. "You're missing the kids totally ignoring Christy's wrapping skills." He smiled up at me. "Thanks for being here. We need you around here more often. This picture," He pointed at the photo of our family when I was very young sitting around a Christmas tree. "This is magic." I laughed. "My gosh, look at Mom's hair. That's scary. Dad, this is our life now though. I know that." He nodded. "It's magic because this was only the first chapter. We have so many chapters in life and we choose what is written upon the pages. You chose for so long to not even write your chapter. I guess you were just waiting for a miracle to write the rest of your book. You forgot to live it." He was right. I had tried to shut out the world of spirit because it was easier than facing the writing on each page. He said the picture was magic. Magic that showed true spirit through the goofy grins of a cute little family. Little did he know the amount of magic it took to get me to realize I was dead.

Dad and I joined the main characters in our latest chapter to watch them finish ripping apart the gifts. Annie helped Christy piece together her new camera. Eden brushed her new doll's hair as Edison flipped his small foam football between his hands. And, my brother showed us all he never stopped living in his first chapter. Griffin grabbed the football from Edison's hands and rushed across the room. "Alright, kid, it's time you learn to go long." Edison giggled as Griffin launched the ball across the room. The little boy rammed into the side of the Christmas tree making the lights shake and ornaments hold on for dear life. Laughter filled the room as I noticed the small bell with my mother's initials ringing as it shook. "Edison, look what you did. You better be careful." Eden said. "I know exactly what I did," He replied back. "Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings. Ya think that's true, Aunt Arden?" I was in shock. He was exactly right. We ram into things throughout our lives whether it be a tree or a wall of our own. We shake things up and in the end maybe a bell rings and that poor angel that had to help us through the wreck got a great reward. I laughed at Edison. "You bet, Edison. An angel sure did get her wings. I even know her name. Prudence. She's a stubborn little angel, but she's my own and now she's up there flying thanks to all of you."

I had not only changed my world, I had changed the world of those around me. I finally realized by writing my own chapters and actually living in those journeys that I could positively affect my family, my friends and my entire world. I smiled looking up at the tangled, coiled lights on my porch. At one time they were my only attempt at making the world think I fit into their box of perfection. They were never perfect and I gave up on them before I even took the time to unravel the beauty and glow that could have been every Christmas. It's funny… Tangled lights to some might mean an imperfect start to Christmas. Tangled lights to others might mean an extra few hours of laughter with loved ones as they fought to unravel the beast. However, tangled lights to me meant the start of a new chapter beginning the rest of my life.

Jesus' Season

2011-12-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things to do during the holidays is go shopping when it turns dark and the cold tingles your face. I love to dash into Wal Mart and chit chat with the Salvation Army bell ringer. I put a lot of stress on myself to find good gifts for the family. As I've said a million times before - we like to get a lot of gifts, not one big gift, but like 15 smaller gifts and maybe one big gift!!! I tend to show a lot of my love other ways than just putting my arms around people!!! It's so fun to look for others. Let me tell ya that I had a blast at Toys R Us looking for my nephews and nieces gifts... I was a little kid again! I think I'll go back to playing Barbies. Just come over to my house and we'll set up the Barbie house and play.

Everything is jam packed... love it that way. I think I have one free night this week! Yay!!! This past weekend Nick, Geoff, Kimberly and I headed out to Deerfield in Plano to look at lights. We parked the car and walked around staring at the lights. So magical. People were shouting, "Merry Christmas" to us! Yesterday was Nick's mom's birthday so Nick got us tickets to Trans Siberian Orchestra. It was amazing. Beyond amazing. The talent. We had a really nice time. I made Nick's mom a DVD of all of their old home videos edited together with music. We had a great time watching it. His dad even had a tear roll down his cheek. That's a mission accomplished!!! I worked so hard on it to make her happy.

I don't understand the magic of this time. Nick gets frustrated with my obsession over Christmas that lasts the entire month, but it seems to be the only time everything is magical. People are nicer and the world is a better place. It is like this little version of a dream world that only lasts for a short time. It's Jesus' season so I guess that all makes sense!!!

Sneak Peek

2011-12-05T19:44:00.001-08:00

Nick's dad took photos of us tonight for our cards. He is so amazing... I told him I just wanted him to point and shoot. Well, he got out his professional equipment with the special lights and flashes... too much fun. Nick might not look too thrilled, but we had a good time and he was a good sport!

Gobble Gobble

2011-11-29T14:20:00.000-08:00

Magic fills the air as the holidays approach. Everyone and everything seems to dance. Atleast through my eyes. They say we are often sad at Christmas as well. I think for me it's always trying to capture the essence of Christmas through the eyes of a child. The magic never fades, but it is quite different.

We had such a nice time on Thanksgiving. Brenda's family is so nice and inviting to us. We really ate, talked, watched football, opened gifts and hung out literally all day. It was just so nice and relaxing. Nick came with me for the first time and I think he had a nice time getting to know everyone. Ed and Cora, Brenda's aunt and uncle host it each year. They have been married like 60 years. They are very funny and just really enjoyable. Growing up my Thanksgiving meals were usually Dad, Mom, me, my Dad's mom and Mom's mom... it was quite small, but we always had a nice time. I do love being a part of Brenda's big family and just having a room full of laughter.

Katelyn is Brenda's brother's 13 year old. She is in teenager mode of texting the entire day and night. She is very involved in cheer, volleyball, swimming and basketball.

Seva is Brenda's youngest brother's ten year old. She rocks my world. She loved to tell me all about the books she is reading and about her friends at school. She is going to be tall, we think, so we were all playing basketball outside and I taught her a bit of form! She is much more into dancing than basketball right now, but it felt neat to coach the girls!

From left: Brenda's cousin, Eufaula's kids: Morgan, Van & Rebecca; Cameron (Brenda's cousin), Brenda's brother, Jay and his wife, Stephanie; Brenda's brother, Jimmy in back of her; Brenda, Dad (Joe Mark), Nick, Me, Katelyn, Brenda's nephew, JW; Brenda's Aunt Cora and Uncle Ed; Cora & Ed's son, Joel and his wife, Jennifer and son Jordan; Cora & Ed's daughter, Linda and her husband, Mel; Seva.

Saturday when we got back Nick got us amazing seats at the Tech game vs. Baylor so we went with his parents, Geoff, Tony & Blake. Our seats were five rows from the 50 yard line, but the drawback was they were right in the middle of Baylor fans. There is a boy from my high school, Matt Ritchey who I have known since he was born who plays for Baylor. I got to see some Big Springers there to root him on. I wanted to find one of my best friends, Tiffany and her entire family so I set out on the journey. I got lost a few times. I ran into Melissa Perley Land, a sorority sister and her hubby so we got to catch up. Then I finally made it to Tiffany. It was so wonderful to see her entire family and just hang out for a bit. It's like another family to me. We didn't win the game, but it was a really fun night!

Tiffany's daughter, Hailey is just spunky and full of fun. I loved her!

Thankful

2011-11-22T12:26:00.000-08:00

I've never been a big Thanksgiving person. I don't look back and get excited about turkey. First off I don't really enjoy the meal itself. If you know me I eat some crazy concoctions so turkey, taters and green beans just bore me a little bit. I could eat stuffing and macaroni all day atleast. I also remember it was always around Mom's birthday so we probably rolled it all into one. I am much more of a Christmas girl. I just start to bubble over with Christmas magic as Thanksgiving dinner is served so it may as well be the start of the season for me! I still look to thanks on the holiday and remember there is so much to be thankful for.

When we go through the storms of life we are forced to look for happiness in the tiniest ladybug. I have always said this. We find joy in the smallest things because it's a lot easier than always finding the bad things. So this year hasn't been so great. It's a fact and I don't want to dive into that fact, but it's been trying for my heart. It's funny though because our own perspective is that life is falling apart, but once when I told Dad about this or that, he said, "You haven't been through too much. You are okay." Boy, is he right. Sometimes it is so much easier to focus on the negative things. Strength doesn't always make us stronger per se it makes us calloused, but it also makes us thankful.

When I look at my family and friends I am immediately thankful to God. I thank Him each night for the angels of my life. I cannot even explain this thankfulness in words. My Dad is the wisest man I have ever met as well as the most thoughtful, the most humble, the most kind-hearted. My stepmother fits with us so well as she is just so sweet, moral, Christian, thoughtful, creative. My entire Adams and Corn family just warm me. Without family whether blood or not we are nothing. Friends in that category of family as well. They carry me on their wings when I am sad. They make me laugh. They keep me going. Sometimes when nothing makes sense friends step in to give you a shoulder. If we only look we are able to find amazing people... sent from God. Thankful.

Nick continues to keep me laughing, makes me angry at times when he tells me the truth, pushes me to keep going, keeps being thoughtful and blowing me away at every chance he can. His family is wonderful and angelic. We joke around a lot because that is just how I show affection, but he better know I'm thankful. We've both been in situations where we felt helpless for the other going through tough stuff. Sometimes I wonder how couples that have never faced anything together really make it. Somehow it makes us stronger. To get me to realize something and face something I have to be pushed and pushed to the brink then I just melt away.

I've always liked to run from obstacles, but sometimes being pushed is the only way you are thankful. I don't want to deal with Grandmommy's things. I don't want to call my uncle wondering about the house selling and the car selling and all the business. I didn't want to go to the funeral home and I wanted to tell the preacher I needed more said about her at the funeral, but doesn't it make me thankful? Thankful that I have a family support system that stepped in to deal with the business. Thankful for Mom's cousin and a family friend to help plan, thankful to my Dad to go to everything with and grieve together even without the words to just know, thankful that she went without a fight the way she wanted to go. Annoyed selfishly she is not here for me, thankful she is in Heaven because that is all she wanted for years. Thankful I still miss her when I want to call, but so thankful I don't dream of her meaning I am peace she is in Heaven with Mom and Grandaddy Bill and all of her family.

I know a lot of people and I love a lot of people. I began thinking this year more and more about God's grace. You want to talk about something to be thankful for! I look back ever since I was a little girl and I see God in the smallest things we never understood at the time. Do you want to know something funny I have probably said before? When I tore my ACL my freshman year of high school I thought life was over. I asked God why for years. My knee would never be the same for basketball. Well, ya know what is funny, I met my good friend, Keele Barnes in Rehab. She was from another school so I doubt we would have ever hung out otherwise. When I moved to Dallas who introduced me to Nicholas? Keele Barnes. It's simple and I'm sure there were a million other reasons I tore that ACL, but something that happened in 1996 could have lead to 2008 to Nick who has been a huge part of my world. I don't sit down to map out God though. There is no way I could ever predict Him or understand Him, I know. But, sometimes it's nice to sit down and just realize the blessings in life. I try not to ever take anything for granted because we are never promised anything in this life, but that we are not alone.

I am so thankful for my wonderful youth minister in Big Spring, Texas now pastoring in Dallas. What are the odds? I never thought you could come close to recreating the environment in which I grew up at church, but here it is right in the heart of Lake Highlands.

I know I'm writing a lot about faith in being thankful. I struggle a lot with faith at times so even I must remind myself. We all feel lost at times and we all don't understand the journey at times. Sometimes there will be these years that we are on top of the world. Then there will be other times when life is crumbling. Things are never perfect for anyone and everyone is always fighting a harder battle. I enjoy my life and I enjoy the sunshine of each day. I am so thankful to God for giving us His grace and mercy because I know I sure do fail Him many times!

And, yes, I sure am thankful for that gobblin' dinner. I'm even more thankful for those sitting around the table as I snap their photos and they grimace at the camera because it's always in my hand and then we watch football in the recliners as the men grab a catnip and we play dice games as the laughter embraces the entire room and I talk to my little cousins about their lives and their friends and give them advice that atleast right now they follow and then we tell old stories about the adults growing up and we hug and laugh until the day is almost over. Now that's Thanksgiving.

Church Anniversaries

2011-11-14T12:48:00.000-08:00

As a little girl I remember running through the halls of our church. I remember endless choir and handbell rehearsals. I remember walking down to my parents' Sunday School room as my mother waited there for me playing the piano. I sipped my first sip of coffee there and quickly spit it out. So many birthday parties in the Family Life Center. Thank God my parents had me at church at every opportunity growing up. First Baptist Church turned 125 years old this Sunday. Ironically I attended a 75th anniversary at Lakeside Baptist in Dallas watching my youth minister from First Baptist growing up as he preached and sat next to one of my churchmates from First Baptist growing up.

It is so interesting to dive into the history of a church. It is interesting to see how they grow and change. Growing up I remember really only one pastor. He retired at some point and we had a hard time finding another one to really stick around. I can tell so many stories of Vacation Bible School, youth basketball, Wednesday night dinners, my friends and I running up and down the halls, peering into the HUGE auditorium when it was so dark just to see what it was like when it wasn't Sunday morning...

Looking back I see how important church is in little one's lives. I never thought anything else of Sunday morning. When I got to high school I think I missed more often just because I was insanely busy and needed an excuse to sleep in! I've told my story about trying to find a church home in different cities so I'll skip that. Sometimes I just get plain lazy and don't attend and others I just need a break and a day to do nothing. I'll admit it. I am so thankful that as a family we went as often as possible and grew with the church.

Nick and I attended the 75th anniversary as I said of a church we barely know, but we enjoyed it. We met one lady who had been a member for over 40 years; she looked to be about 80 and lived in Canton and had come in especially for it. Churches change so much over the years. I remember when we had some contemporary musicians come in high school to the church the older group went insane. They shunned it. Sometimes choir singing bores me, but other times when I know the song I enjoy it. I really enjoy the instruments now paired with the songs we know. So I guess I am sort of in between traditional and conservative. I don't get all bogged down in that like some people. These days society sometimes doesn't think it's cool unless you go to a megachurch and it's as big as Joel Osteen. Why the heck would you go to a small Baptist church? I don't really care as long as the person is happy where they are!

I guess it all boils down to faith. I attended the First United Methodist Youth Group because most of my friends did and I loved it so much. One time we did the trust exercise where everyone holds out their arms and you fall blindly back hoping they will catch you. For me, the most untrusting girl in the world, I was scared to death. I actually did it and they caught me. Yep, so no matter which church whether one year, 75 years, 125 years as long as God is catching us we keep on growing, changing and loving.

Halloweentastic

2011-11-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

Kids scatter across the streets dressed in their costumes. They laugh loudly as they run to the houses in search of candy. One night a year we fill large bags full of candy to make the little trick-or-treaters happy and full of sugar. I smile because I remember being one of those little kids one day that seemed not too long ago. I would always go with our best friends of the family. Our best friends, Quintinn led Stephanie and I through the neighborhood. After we got done with both of our neighborhoods we ended up at their grandparents' house. Mr. and Mrs. Annen always gave us a big bag of candy and a present!!! We would empty our loot on the floor and sift through it looking for the best candy. I also went to the school's Halloween carnival each year. Back in the 90s you could actually have a haunted house and say the word "Halloween" at school. Those were the days. This year I gave our candy at Nick's parents house because they live in Lake Highlands and have a lot of visitors. Nick lives in a nice Plano neighborhood, but there is a big festival right down the street so most of the kids go to it instead. We took his dogs for a walk with me wearing my outfit of a little kid in pajamas and my Mom's old huge cow slippers. Lots of people commented on my shoes!

This year for Halloween we decided to throw Geoff a birthday party instead of go out. We all brought fun food and played spooky music... after football was over, of course. The Rangers lost the World Series. Tech lost. Cowboys lost. What a great sports weekend... not. We had fun anyway! I love to dress up, but this year I just didn't get in it too much so I just threw together an outfit and called her Nicki Minaj or Lady Gaga. Not sure which. She had a good time with her microphone and blue hair is all I know. I absolutely love the way imagination comes to life during Halloween. I received an email that Halloween should not be done by Christians and it is a pagan holiday. Oh, puhlease... it's a fun day to dress up and just have fun with life!!! I didn't worship the devil once that day ;)...

Jersey Shore castmate - I think he looks like Pauly D so we shall say Pauly D with his chapstick & his date, Gaga Minaj

"Fist pump, push up, chap stick." Jersey Shore

The gals. Shanna as Nascar chick. Allison as German chick. Michele as sports chick. Keilly as herself chick.

Keilly's husband, Matt is a hot woman.

Yes, Colby overshadowed all of us as the life of the party.

Brothers Nick and Justin DID NOT plan this! Insanely they both came as Jersey Shore castmates in different colors. Freaky.

Time to take that horrible wig off. My Jersey Shore friend is doing push ups while I pose.

Guns Up for the Raiders, Rangers & Cowboys

2011-10-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

The world would be neat if it was just filled with weekends. Weekends are either jam packed with entertainment or they are times to chill out with relaxation. This one was so jam packed I am not sure if it was all just a dream or I had that much fun?

First off, no I did not go to church. I address this because I had this blog all planned out about the church I attended last week. Time just squeezed by and now it makes no sense to write it all out. Basically I went to Lakeside Baptist Church in Dallas where my youth minister growing up preaches. He was so funny and amazing at telling the story. I felt so loved and warm with the congregation. Basically Nick and I have been trying to find somewhere we can "plug into" for three years... it just hasn't happened yet. I don't know if this is the answer to my prayers, but I really enjoyed it. Hey, if I get married or die I sure do need to find a church or my funeral will be held on the side of the road! I'll always be a member of First Baptist Church in Big Spring, but it is not my home and not where I will be married. I don't know if I would be married where Mom's funeral was and most of my friends live this way and the family will travel where I tell them to hahaha!!! Seriously, I want to find a place I can grow and meet others to help me grow... I want to find a place like I had in Tyler as it was such a special place...

Okay... back to the point...

So Friday Nick and I just watched "Scream"... classic! I was scared out of my wits for a bit after it. I love scary movies... though they haunt me.

Saturday we went to work out then met up with Emily and her boyfriend for brunch. Emily and I were born on the same day and grew up in the same neighborhood so we have known one another our entire lives! She is an optometrist in Austin so I sure did get to be tortured with the speech about not sleeping in contacts.

By the time we got home from that and got ready it was time to hit the Rangers game! We rode out there Sara and her brother, Jacob and met up with Emily and Matt. We had really great seats and it sure was enjoyable. The biggest thing I see about baseball is the patriotism. I don't really like baseball, but they put America into everything they do. We met some really neat people sitting on both sides of us. The Rangers lost, but we had a fun time anyway. While we are the game texts were flowing in about Tech beating OU. NO one loses at OU's home! Of course I had to give my stepbrother heck because that is his team. The entire way home we listened to the game then when we got home we were able to watch the last two minutes!!! Such an exciting day. I was so wiped out that I really don't remember falling asleep!!!

So Sunday I didn't make it to church... I slept and slept some more then did laundry, cleaning, all that jazz. Why must we do this on Sundays?! I went over to feed Nick's parents' dogs because they were out of town and played with Shiner in the front yard. It was such a beautiful and perfect day!

Jam packed or chilling out... it sure was a good time.

Simple Autumn

2011-10-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

I think it's finally Autumn.

The weekend was unexpected and didn't pan out at all like we planned, but I enjoyed it! Nick and I had planned to go to Lubbock so I'd been making plans with family and friends going to see them... blah blah... well, as I said before Nick's best friend is moving to Australia... so he decided he and his girlfriend would come visit us for the weekend. We changed all of our plans and decided to stay here and do the fair, the Texas OU game, maybe the Rangers game... well, that night as we waited they had a change of plans as well and were not able to come down! So Saturday morning Nick, his mom, a family friend and I all went to the OU vs. Texas game. We had amazing seats. It was fun, but I'm not a fan so I went roaming around the fair. I didn't eat any of the crazy food, but I did stare at some of the fried items. Insanity. I was wearing wool shorts because I thought it was Fall and that is what we do; well, I about melted!

That night I went to Primebar in Uptown with Jana, her boyfriend, Andrea, her boyfriend and Kacie & her husband. Notice no Nick because he needs to focus on the game because he is intense so he went to a place in Plano where the game plays on every screen!!! We had such a good time all just chilling out and enjoying one another. We didn't win, but we played well. The quarterback of A&M, Ryan Tannehill grew up with me in Big Spring. To me is a little kid! I cannot believe he is so grown. I was proud of how he played, but ya know I wanted us to win. We tried to beat the torrential rains home! It rained all night... how glorious.

So Sunday I was ready to rest! Just do nothing. All I did was go to the grocery store. I cooked a bit and Nick came over. We just watched TV and that felt great to me. What a different Sunday than those filled at the pool! Ah well it is such a nice little change!!!

Already starting to Christmas shop in this Autumn weather. I'm doing a lot of crafting gifts this year. Trying to experiment early so I do not mess them up! My stepsister got married and my "sister" of the family got married and inherited two boys so they both added a few to my list!!! I told Stephanie she was getting expensive!!!

That's about it for the weekend. Loving the simplicity.

Go West

2011-10-04T09:39:00.000-07:00

After the last few weeks I was truly missing home! I love to go home in the Fall.

Brenda took me out shopping Saturday to the little specialty stores and Academy. I can never find anything Texas Tech here! We also hit the mall up for some good little deals. As we walked through Dillards I had a flashback of growing up as we were always in that store. My mother loved Dillards! For one minute I was a little girl again walking through the mall. When we got back to the house we found Dad working on his motorcycle. Now, they have spent the past few weeks getting their bathroom redone. It is gorgeous! It has this huge super shower and granite countertops. I love it! So they had been working out in the work shed getting ready to put things back in the bedroom, but Dad had to take the opportunity to tune up that motorcycle! The football game played as we walked in the house. Ahhh now that is Fall!

Brenda and I worked hard on cake balls that night. It was a long process and she is much neater than me at decorating. They turned out really yummy!

Sunday we took the motorcycles to this german fest out in St. Lawrence. This is a very tiny town with a famous festival. I rode with Brenda and Dad took his own. It is neat to ride as the wind whips at your face. We rode to Big Spring to pick up Howard and Vicki then made the trek to the festival. It was so neat and so fun to all be together. Everyone there was so kind. I'm not used to this all of the time in Dallas. Everyone chatted and made friends. Here sometimes people try to hard to impress one another. I was having a truly good time. The way back was calm as there is not much to look at, but it was fine with me. It was just so nice to be out riding through the nice weather.

The time always comes to an end much too quickly. I love being with Dad and just talking and also hanging out with Brenda. It's nice to get back though to the grind and grocery shop and torture Nick and all that jazz! We are off to Lubbock next weekend so the adventures never stop. Hey, if I can find any excuse to go to West Texas I am right on it!!! It will always be my home.

Holding Hearts

2011-09-27T13:48:00.000-07:00

I found something perfect to tie my heart to the funeral today. I want to share it before I write my blog. I wrote this in 2004 in my novella, "Souls of Grace." This passage is basically the true story of the day of my mother's funeral.

"The funeral. I hated that day. I woke up with the sun blasting through my blinds. Murmurs of voices outside my door. It is funny when you are awake, life seems new again. God has granted this new day. But, this day was not new. It was dark to me. I rolled over and threw Happy the Bear against the wall. I shielded my eyes against the bright sunlight trying to make my dark day shine. She was pristine lying in the casket. In the casket they never look the same, but a wax imitation that a coroner creates. The make-up is a little darker, the hair more perfect. I keep all of this inside because talking about pain only makes it seep into my veins. Not feeling is easier because I can move through life instead of drowning in sorrow. We love, we lose. It seems easier to lose than to love. If I didn’t love them, I hadn’t lost them. It is funny how I do not feel pain when I see a person on the news in New York that has been murdered. It means nothing. It means everything when it is my friend, a name I know. If I did not know them, I would not be drowning. Sometimes it is easier to be alone, yet it is impossible to live."

I don't share this to act as if I understand what that family is going through at all. I share this as a sense of loss of how it affects us all so differently. People must realize that family is strong right now. Everything is like fresh dirt. Once it settles and the people stop surrounding you and the cards stop flowing and the flowers are put away... that is when you are needed the most. One day Gabe will walk in from work with his two little boys and have to figure out a nightly routine. They will have to clean out her closet. I remember sitting in my mother's closet surrounded by her clothing and breathing her in. The journey isn't just the time we lose people. That is the hardest part for me to understand. That is when it pulls at the strings of the heart for me. The years down the road.

The funeral was full of family and friends for Lindsay. Our sorority sisters filled four rows. It means the world that everyone comes from their own walks of life to honor a sister. Some were very close; others were acquaintances. That doesn't matter. There was a beautiful slideshow, songs and words from the preacher. The slideshow truly showed what a wonderful mother and wife Lindsay was to her children and Gabe. You could see the love and patience in her eyes.

We will lose many people in this life. It is hard to be happy even though they are in Heaven. The preacher was talking about how Lindsay was talking to God about her stories of life. I want my loved ones here by me telling me their stories. I want Grandmommy back so I can call and talk to her about everything. I want Sarah back to make me laugh and put me in my place. I am sure Lindsay's friends are thinking this right now. It is quite selfish how we do want them here instead of Heaven, but to us it just makes more sense. I wonder why Mom doesn't get bored up there. Come on, you've been there 11 years... time to visit me. It is a ridiculous thought, but we all think it at times, we just don't usually say it aloud.

I deal with things through words. I don't cry at funerals, but I shake. It's like my body's way of feeling. I hate funerals, yet I believe in them. As I said in other blogs, I love a lot of people and I will lose a lot of people. The only way we can get through these things is pure love and holding hearts together. There is just no other way.

In conclusion of this day... It is Lindsay Breault Lewis'day. This young lady was a patient, sweet, caring, lovely girl. I never heard her say a negative thing or saw a frown on her face. She was quiet, but strong. I watched her with her boys one day when I ran into them and those boys just thought she ran the world. They loved her so much. Today a church full of people showed her that she made an impact in their lives. The sweetness of a kind heart can change lives. She is truly an angel.

Holding hearts is the only way through this. Today and tomorrow and five years down the road.

The Living Proof

2011-09-26T19:38:00.000-07:00

This is like a piece of artwork for me set to video and music. The song talks about being the living proof that you make it through the darkness. Now... that being said, I know in the future there will always be more darkness. We are never exempt from pain. This is my personal journey showing if I can do it, you can do it. There will be things people don't understand, but each photo means something.

It is not only about going through death of loved ones. It is about tearing into my basketball dreams ripping up my knee... and playing again. It is about a friend having a horrible car wreck and running again. There is a photo of my cousin and I laughing on a dock. He lost his father to cancer and I lost my mother months later... he came to the funeral to support me. We both made it through. There is always going to be some sort of darkness, yet I learned at a young age the world never stops spinning. I learned God doesn't ask our permission. I learned we are all the living proof.

Calloused

2011-09-26T12:59:00.000-07:00

In last week's blog I spoke about kindness. The girl in topic did pass away. I was blown away. She was 28 and seemingly healthy before pneumonia and ARDS hit her. Now everyone is pulling together to wear our pins, sit together at the funeral and do a memorial fund for her two little boys and husband down the road. Again... amazing... the human heart.

I noticed people asking me how to deal with things like this. Some have never lost people. It doesn't bother me to help others and I like to try to heal hearts. I don't say the words most people do and I never spice it up to sound like everything will be fine. I am a bit strange that I am 29 and can do this. For me it is a part of me. It isn't about Mom passing... I was always like this in a sense. They thought when Grandaddy passed away I just didn't understand. Maybe I didn't, but I think God made me for this reason. In doing the math I realized I have been to 23 funerals. The outline... Immediate family: Mom, Grandaddy, Rae, Granny Jac, Grandmommy. Extended family: Judith, Joe Bayless, Kitty Ben. BSHS & Tech Classmates: Gatlin, Derek, Spencer, Sarah, Antwoyne, Meagan, Aaron, Melissa. Friends' family members: Papa Curly, EC, Mimi Carol, Grandpa Gray, Granny A, Papa Annen. Neighbors: Bill. I do go to support others that I love to some. There will also be very many in the future as people lose grandparents and parents close to me. Ugh! I do like to help others so it's okay.

Everyone deals with things differently. I was fearful after going through tough things I would have a calloused heart because it almost makes you feel you cannot feel anymore. But, I have realized I actually have a tender heart. People can tell you that you are strong, but when are you too strong? My grandmother, Jackie was the strongest woman I have ever met. Tough tough, but a good woman. I never saw emotion in her and that scared me that I would become that way. I don't want to ever be too tough.

The most important thing is to always ooze love during any of these times for others. We all hurt deep down in our own ways. Love is truly the only thing that can heal our hearts.

Kindness

2011-09-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

The human spirit is something beyond the imagination. Kindness flows through the veins no matter where you are in life. I've seen this firsthand the past few days and it interests me greatly. Some people ask me why I paid for my friends in college. Why did you join a sorority? I explain how it was free in the sense of friendship. I didn't have to be friends with my sisters, but they became like real sisters to me without the payment. Our sorority sister, Lindsay Breault Lewis is in critical condition in ICU. She was diagnosed with ARDS after a battle with pneumonia in both lungs. She has two little boys and a husband at home. I just saw her last month and she seemed full of life. So once this story started circulating we began getting updates from one of her best friends. I saw my sorority sisters come out of the woodwork in droves saying they would help or asking how to send money. People all have their own lives and their own families, yet they stop in their tracks to help a friend in need. We often forget the kindness of people's hearts when it comes to helping others. Prayer chains started circulating and women were brought together by this illness to pray for someone. I do not know what will happen with Lindsay. I know she hit rock bottom and they hope to have her plateau and then build up. I am by no means stating we were ever close. She was always just a very sweet and kind sorority sister that I would call a friend.

When my mother passed away we were only freshmen hardly all knowing one another yet... Hundreds of KDs came to my side. They drove down the funeral. They missed midterms and quizzes for me. From all walks of life these women came together at that time and now at this time to help a friend in need. If this kindness from a group is what I paid for then I'll pay a thousand more.

Three Decades Begins

2011-09-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

It has started. The new decade is coming. We celebrated a big 30th birthday party for three of my good friends last weekend. We all went to a BBQ place called Smoke for the three girls, Jordan, Stacy & Brittney. I am not quite sure what to think about this upcoming decade. My 20s were sort of filled with trying to figure out where to be and climbing the corporate ladder and jumping ladders and figuring things out along the way. I have an old soul, but a young heart. I never took anyone for granted so I didn't have to figure those things out, but I had to find out that people fade and new friends swoop in and life changes on a dime. I knew that already though. Growing up seems so very scary. We were all in a room celebrating the 30th birthdays and I remember just yesterday when Brittney had just turned 21 and we were at UT visiting her. We don't seem to look old and we still act pretty young, so what is 30? I guess I'll wait until January to find that one out. Until then I'll just celebrate each big day as they come with friends. This makes me flashback to when each friend turned 16 and then 21. It all seems like such a milestone. My main thing is to learn that we must just enjoy today whether this age or that age. We all just need to learn to love it and live it because life is but a vapor.

Brittney & Sandi

Jana is the reason I know the three birthday girls. They went to high school together. What a special friend when you make great friends through one great friend.

Nick ordered an expensive cheeseburger with a fried egg on it. He wasn't sure about most of the crazy menu.

Jordan

Birthday Girls

9-11 Memorial Slideshow

2011-09-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

I made this 9-11 Memorial slideshow with photos of my favorite kids and footage from the tragedy... Each child symbolizes our world today ten years later as the world they are growing up in is a very different world. They symbolize our innocence and our future in America.

Not So Labor Day

2011-09-05T20:44:00.000-07:00

It's September now, but you wouldn't know by feeling the air outside. Today it finally cooled down, but we've been riding over 100 all summer. I love sunshine, but even I was getting a little burnt out.

Our Labor Day was anything but filled with labor. Tony & Katie came in from Houston so Friday night we hit the lake. We stayed out until nightfall and watched the sunset fade into the stars. We sat out on the boat just talking. Saturday Katie and I woke up early to shop! I took her to some of my favorite places in Plano and Addison... she spent way too much money and I was proud!!! Then the boys went to the Oregon vs. LSU game so Katie and I crafted the day away. We made homemade coasters and watched TV. It was so relaxing that we didn't wish to move off the couch! After the game the crew came back and made us go out. I could have gone in my pajamas if it was up to me! We had a nice time out playing darts and just enjoying everyone. We decided Sunday we would play war with the wind on the lake. It was a crazy idea. No one could kneeboard or tube... anything... so we just sat on the lake in the boat sunning for a few hours. I got stung by a bee... a first for me! Mean bee. That night we drove to Little Elm to Matt and Keilly's for a family dinner. All of Matt's family was in from Philadelphia and I just loved listening to them. We ate way too much food. And today there was even more food. We all went over to Nick's parents' house for some yummy food.

Needless to say I think my bed will feel lovely tonight. I've been working on a 9/11 memorial slideshow all night. I think it is going to pull some heartstrings... or I hope it will. In 2001 I lost my mother and then we had 9/11 so it's such a surreal year to me. Both things seem like just yesterday... yet seem a million years away. Ten years holds a lot of experience in life. The slideshow is all about 9/11 and the children growing up in today's world.

Anyway... I guess the biggest thing to document is football season is back. Nick is obsessed with college football so I will hear about it for the next few months. I'll be hosting a few Red Raider Roadshows this year, but we haven't decided which games. My photographer, Mitchell just got his own radio show in East Texas!!! So proud of him! I hope he does some hosting with me on the YouTube show because he is really good. The clock is winding down as the wind slowly howls outside. I'm already excited to bust out the fall attire!!!

Epiphany of the Sunshine

2011-07-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

God wants us to suffer. Yes, it's in the Bible. I say this to grab the attention of those out there wondering why they should be a practicing Christian if this is in the Bible, but just follow my lead here... Romans 5:3-4 says we must "also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Well, I sure would like to lead a life where this verse just isn't true. Can't I pick and choose which verses I follow? I picked and chose which paragraphs to memorize in my college textbooks. Oh, but what about those chapters you didn't read? Did you get those answers right on the test? Did it help you remember in the next lesson to read every line so you were stronger when it came to knowing the passage? There are days full of sunshine when our lives just cannot seem to get any brighter. There are also days full of clouds when we are not sure the rain will ever stop.

I had an epiphany that led me to see a part of me. I have always tried to control my own life. God has always tried to let me realize He is in control. My life for 12 years was all about basketball. I would practice for hours in my backyard. Yes, I did many other things in school and was involved in everything imaginable, but my true love was basketball. My freshman year of high school I tore my ACL at the end of the year. I remember telling my mother I didn't want to talk about it or be asked about it; I just wanted to deal with it and move on. I feverishly worked that summer in rehab. I worked so hard that I was back in October ready to play. I was never the same again in speed, but I hit my goal. Then my senior year in high school the third game of the year I tore it again... (Maybe God was telling me I should wear my brace that He made my parents pay thousands of dollars for!)... Anyway, I was so angry and thought life was over. I didn't want to go through it again. I just wanted to fast forward. So instead of wallowing in my own self pity I decided to get involved with theater. Everyone did it and I never could because of the season. At the end of the year I had gained one of the best experiences in my life through theater. I could have played that year and not played much because my coach wanted to build a team of freshman... another story... and been miserable all year... but, I moved on. I think that is what life is about...

Not to my point yet, but hang around and I'll explain... I realized I have always gone for what I want. Sometimes God cut it short and it angered me, but I kept moving. I always said I wanted to work at Joe's Crab Shack. So in college I landed a job there. I didn't really enjoy it, but I did what I said I was going to do! I wanted to be a news reporter so I found myself driving all around Texas handing out my video resume. Showing up at the office! God told me I had to do it. I landed my positions in Abilene and Tyler at the news stations because I had driven there and shown up for an unscheduled interview. I decided to leave the profession of news to pursue a more "normal" lifestyle so I moved to Dallas just knowing somehow I'd figure it all out. I could even equate this in small parts of life. The other day I wanted some Chinese food. What did I do? Oh... drive and search for a restaurant... and enjoyed every ounce. Then I wanted a snow cone. I never see snow cone stands. I got on my computer and found me a snow cone stand and went for it! I realize God is in control and I often try to take control thinking He isn't doing a good enough job. I used to tell Nick that God wasn't a genie. We cannot try to figure out his next step either. I don't like to wait and I don't enjoy feeling as if God is ignoring me at times. But, He said I would suffer for hope. Yes, all of that suffering in the Bible verse leads to hope. I get very upset at times when I reflect on these things and say, "God, why would you want me to suffer any more? You took my Mom when I was nineteen; Is that not good enough for you?" I cannot hear His audible answer, but I know deep down there are reasons I do not understand. If she was here life could not unfold in the way it has... I could rehash everything that has come on this journey after her death, but we know there was good taken from it and we have a new family. I realized the other day after thinking of Grandmommy's death at the end of March... I spoke with her all of the time and I desperately miss our talks; BUT, as you realize this summer has been HOT. 18 days of over 100 degrees! She hated the heat. She would say she was miserable and it made her ill. Do you realize God took her RIGHT BEFORE the heat began to rise? Do you realize God let Mom raise me 18 years and be off at college before he took her? Now I can say that in one breathe, but in the next breath wonder why God didn't think I needed her now at 29 years old when everyone is best friends with their parents? Am I just so full of wisdom that I didn't need that? Only God knows the answer.

In the sermon the preacher talked about listening to a child pray. When I listen to my five year old niece pray she thanks God for everyone at the table, the food, the house, the dog... on and on. Why can't our hearts be that pure? We sit in despair worrying about all of the clouds. We forget about the sunshine behind those clouds. Are we not surrounded by loved ones? Are we not eating a nice meal?

I'm talking to myself in a sense through these verses. When the clouds hit I am a strong young lady. After everything I have been through I never stopped moving. I must say my faith and my support system are the only things that get me through the tough stuff. Though I am tough at times I fall flat on my face in my faith. I am angry and I want a fix. I want out of this pain and I want it right now. I want God to tell me what He wants me to learn and LET ME OUT. I say this on my end, but what if on the other end God is saying, "I'm giving you perseverance, character and hope so just hold your horses."

Sunshine is my Drug

2011-07-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

Sunshine is my drug. I just simply could not live without it. This drug has kept me hopping lately. Summer has been busy and exciting!

Last week Nick and I got last minute tickets to Rihanna... Floor seats... oh dear. The show was great and she is a spectacular performer, but halfway through it a light caught fire. Not cool. We laughed at the people freaking out running out the doors. We just slowly left as they made us leave. We even played a bit on the firetruck outside!!!

After the excitement of Rihanna... remember I have only been to Lady Gaga and Christian concerts... Anna and I got the chance to go to Britney Spears - floor seats again!!! Surreal!!! We had such a blast. I'm not a Britney fan as I don't enjoy that she never sings live, but I did enjoy the performance as a whole. We danced and sang and laughed the entire time. What a great night!!!

We've sure been keeping busy as well as you can see in the photos below. Anna hosted a pasta and wine night. She and her brother cooked us up an Italian extravaganza!

We also have tried to get to the lake as much as possible. Last weekend Nick and I took out Andrea, Anna, Chelsea and Austin. We were in the "party cove" just swimming and hanging out. A man swam over and asked if we had seen this man and he described him... we had not... Come to find out the man was missing. I kept thinking he must be on another boat as it is a crowded area and you don't just go "missing." Then the patrols came in and began searching... we all sat around for a bit in the water watching and asking questions, but they finally made us all leave. I found out in the newspaper he had jumped in and never resurfaced. We didn't understand why no one could save him. It was very sad. Needless to say after that happened our spirits were a little sapped.

Anyway... I believe it is the 16th day in the row of over 100 temperatures. I know I say sunshine is my drug, but they also say addiction kills ya... I just might be ready for a cloudy day! Until it comes I shall enjoy my addiction.

Red Raider Roadshow - 2011 J.L. Gulley Memorial Golf Tournament

2011-07-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

Heart of a Home

2011-06-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

I am headed West in the morning. Home as you call it. But, it isn't the "home" I plan to dedicate this blog to at the time... There are different definitions according to the song in my slideshow. Anyway... before I get to that... My stepmommy is turning 50 so her daughter has come in from North Dakota with her three kids and my stepbrother and his wife are coming in with their two girls from Oklahoma. We are going to have an amazing family weekend! Before I get there I am making a detour through Snyder to go through Grandmommy's house. Being the only grandchild when your mother has passed does not have perks. Yes, I get half of everything... but, I do not like the business side of things. I do not like going through one's things. I just want to honor her memory forever so I want to have things of hers that will remain timeless and be given to my own grandchildren. It doesn't help that being in her home where "she" always was and always greeted me at the door is quite strange.

The word "home" is once again used.

I began piecing together a slideshow of "The House That Built Me." When I say I am going "home" I am now going to Midland, Texas. My Dad and Brenda live there now, but it is not my hometown. I consider it home now as they are my heart and my blood and they are there in their existence. In my heart the home that built me is in Big Spring, Texas. After Mom passed we all moved on with our lives because we must... that home then became more of just a house. The essence of our small three person family was forever changed. Once Dad and Brenda united we all knew they had to build their own home together. Of course, they could have stayed in the Cecilia Street home forever and built it in their hearts, but there would always be a tiny piece of their own missing. We all have to move on and build our own heart of a home. A home is place where you make your life with your family. I told a friend the other day how much I respected her now looking back. Her house was tiny and in it lived five people. She and her brother shared a room while her mother and other brother slept in the other room while the father was usually away on business. They never thought twice about it. They are the closest family I have ever known. I had friends living in mansions with many rooms. I wonder if it was a true home in their heart?

I get upset when people from West Texas forget our roots. We are raised to be "downhome good folk." Some move to the Metroplex and get sucked into the Northpark life of millionaires and mansions. Drive this car. Look this way. Have this house in that neighborhood. Sometimes I will lose myself telling Nick what all he needs do to do his house. I start talking about flooring and columns being ripped out and painting certain colors. I forget that growing up I never once thought about it. I grew up in an amazing house with large rooms and wonderful color. It wasn't a mansion and I never thought about it. Dad and Mom had a new living area built, a huge dream bathroom... always building and changing it as the times flew by... It was perfect to us. The times I remember in that house were filled with happiness. Crazy memories. Funny memories. Lovely memories. Did you know I cut a huge gash in my leg while making my parents' bed because I was standing on the bed and rammed into the light? Did you know I was so excited to put a handprint in the basketball court cement in the backyard, but I scratched the inside of my eye and by the time I got home from the doctor could only scratch my name with a nail in the cement and that is why there is no handprint? Did you know my parents said in order for me to be in a sorority I had to paint the exterior of the house before college so I spent the summer in my bikini getting a tan and painting that house? Oh boy... Did you know...

Cecilia Street is a memory embedded in my mind. The house that built me was built with help by our amazing neighbors whom I still enjoy visiting... and my next door neighbor, Cody is my best guy friend and lives right here in Dallas with me. I pray one day to have a neighborhood such as this where my children can run and play and enjoy the day. I pray I can give them the same childhood my parents gave me. No, it wouldn't have mattered if we lived in a box or a huge house on a hill... anywhere I was with them would have been the same home. Mom pulling up in the driveway honking numerous times as I ran out to help her with the groceries. Dad climbing in the tree looking down at me in amazement at her heroic tree climbing pops. Mom yelling at the end of the hall as I was in a totally different room for me to get back and turn out that light. Yes... all in a home.

There are many different types of homes. Since I moved away from Cecilia Street I made a few my own. Living in the dorms in a tiny room among amazing friends at Texas Tech. Moving to the apartments and then a little house with sorority sisters enjoying our days together. Moving off on my own to Abilene, Tyler and then Dallas. All making homes my own. And one day... building a heart of a home with my loved ones.

Blair's Surprise 30th Birthday

2011-06-30T20:39:00.001-07:00

Pictures weren't posted from this shindig until tonight so I had to wait a bit... Lauren threw a 30th surprise party for Blair last weekend... All of her family and all of our friends came... Many of us grew up together. It was so fun to just hang out and enjoy the night!!!

Media Diva Productions

2011-06-14T08:55:00.001-07:00

WWWW.MEDIADIVAPRODUCTIONS.BLOGSPOT.COM

I launched a blog for my slideshow productions. Yes, launched. I feel so professional. You see, for the past few months my friends have been bugging me to do slideshows for others because I did it for fun. I would spend hours and hours on slideshows with video and photos for my loved ones just to put online. Anna, my friend who is a wedding planner told me she has clients paying like $400 for this type of thing... What??!! I feel horrible charging that much when it is so easy for me. So I decided I'd charge about $50 - $200 depending on the work. I did one for a friend of his kid's sports highlights with all video. It took me a few days, but it was a test so I did it for $10! Then it was too large to email the file so I cannot show it off!!! He says Jaxon shows it to everyone and he watched it over and over. That is why I do it.

Why did I call it Media Diva Productions? Well, forever the name J. Gray Productions rang. NO, I am not married, but I liked it! Nick laughed and I told him I could tell people he was my business partner. It rhymed! Then J.A. Productions... boring... so I have named my normal blog after "diva" and it is just a joke with me all of the time so I decided to keep the theme going. And it's catchy!

I started this a looong time ago... When my mom turned 43 I was in eighth grade and I placed all of these photos up and filmed them with our little camcorder. I had music going in the background. She cried and cried. I was excited! So after that I figured out how to piece together video and music for my basketball highlights. I even got to where I would make slideshows for friends for graduation and birthdays. Then when I was a news reporter we edited our own stories. I got to use high level technology to piece together my news stories. If you want to know how old I am when I first went into news we did tape to tape editing... it was difficult! Then we went into non linear editing with all of the computer software.

So for my birthday Nick got me an editing software equivalent to what I used in Tyler and Abilene and Dad and Brenda got to me equipment to change old VCR tapes into DVDs. I have had the best time working on home videos and slideshows for others. So it's just for fun for me. I made one yesterday that for a woman's husband and she said she cried and cried. Victory!!! My best friend wants me to do one of her baby's first year of life... I shall tackle that next, but that will take a while! Choosing music... finding photos... all that jazz! I love it!!! It's so worth it in the end.

Anyway... so I'm becoming a shameless plug of my passion. If anyone you know needs some crying in their life... of happiness... here I am... I would love to charge $400... ha... I'm wondering if they do all of the actual photos and videos and give you lots and lots of extras because that might be insane to me. If it's straight photos I charge $50. If it's a lot of videos and photos and music and mixtures I charge $100 to $150. I hate talking money. I'll put my newest one on here. I pieced it together to show a sample for Father's Day. Not sure Dad has watched it yet! He has seen me make him a thousand things with photos and he deserves it. Maybe soon I'll have business cards. Anna wants to pass them out to clients. I guess they are used to paying $500 for this so boo ya!!! Haha... I'm learning to follow my passions in life. God gives us gifts for a reason. I guess one of my gifts is making people cry. And that's a pretty good gift!!!

A Graham Harrell Roadshow

2011-06-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

Do you know who this is?

Don't worry if you don't because I don't know too many football players either. I got the chance to interview some Texas Tech coaches and this very special man who is a former Texas Tech quarterback and now plays for the Green Bay Packers, Mr. Graham Harrell. More about that day later.

Last weekend was a whirlwind of summer activity. Friday night I met Jana and Jordan at Sambuca for a night of girl talk. We had such a great time chatting it up. We walked around the Shops at Legacy and enjoyed live music, too. Those girls always crack me up. Then Saturday a group of us went over to Anna's house to go out in Uptown. It's pretty hard to get me to go out to Uptown because it just isn't me. It's too loud and crowded... and... boy, I sound old! I love the atmosphere of everyone hanging out, but I'd much rather just chill out visiting on a patio! Nick played Twister with Ashton... quite entertaining to watch... and we enjoyed just hanging out at her house before we hit J Blacks and Barcadia. I could have stayed at her house all night!

We finally got to take the boat out Sunday! We took Nick's parents out for a bit. He wanted to try his new gear and his new wakeboard. Being on the lake reminds me of being a young teenager just lost in the world. It is as if all of the cares drift away into the water. Sunshine is my drug. That should be my motto in life because I love sunshine!!!

So yesterday I went to Tyler to host the "Red Raider Roadshow." I haven't been back to my stomping grounds in Tyler for two years! I missed parts of it as I rolled into town, but I also know when I was there I was so far from home that it just never satisfied me. I miss the news station and my church there... but, it was never my true home. So I joined the photographer, Andrews and the director, Mitchell at the Country Club for the fun filled day. I first met Coach Tuberville at the beverage stand. He was mixing lemonade and iced tea together which perplexed Mitchell. Mitchell introduced us and he asked where I was from and when I told him Big Spring I asked if he knew where that was. He laughed and said it was big because it is called "Big" Spring! He was really neat. Then we listened to a few of the coaches speak. It was neat to hear our Christian country roots as they spoke of God and dust... all rolled into one in a sort of way. I love being from West Texas. We all hit the golf course in the sweltering heat! We found Graham on the course and made him take photos with us and got an interview. I liked to make him laugh! He was a bit shy so it was funny. Mitchell somehow made my photo blurry so I tracked Graham down later and we took another photo! He was very humble and told us he is getting a ring for the Superbowl win! I hope the interview looks good as we had a lot of fun with him!

After shooting a few intros with Mitchell and flubbing our lines and melting in the heat I was ready to go! I met Rachel at Chilis and caught up a bit. So good to see old friends!

Summer is an awakening to our senses. It is as if the world comes out of hibernation into the sunlight. I'm just trying to enjoy each day and breathe in that sunlight. It's what it takes for us to survive each day. Awaken out of the darkness and open the shades.

Memorial Day Madness

2011-05-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

This weekend means the summer has officially started. The first glistening of red upon my shoulders that isn't spray tan must mean the sunshine means business! We had the best weekend and enjoyed every minute!

Friday Nick and his roommates had a barbecue to celebrate Tony's birthday. We all just hung out around the huge amount of food and chatted the night away.

Saturday Shyloh was in town so the gals went to Jana & Andrea's to lay by the pool. We had such a great time doing the girl chat thing. Nothing is better than a day full of girl gab! After we baked ourselves for a bit we got the dogs and took them to Mi Cocina on the patio. Shyloh lives in Lubbock and doesn't to get visit often so we love when she comes so we can entertain her with the "city life." After all of that action I was beat so Nick and I went to see the coolest movie of the year... Scream 4... at the dollar theatre. Ummm no... horrible movie!!! (Though I must admit I checked all of my closets last night before bed!)...

Sunday Anna had some tickets to the Byron Nelson Golf Tournament so Nick and I met Jana, Andrea, Jason, Shyloh and Anna for a day of socializing... errr golfing. While the girls did another gab session we sent the guys to watch golf. We hung out in the pavilion and enjoyed the sunshine.

Today on Memorial Day Nick's roommate from college, Brandon and his wife, Sara were in town so we went out to their parents' house in Wylie and played by the pool. They are a blast and it's always so much fun to hang out!

Dad and Brenda spent their weekend working on some yard projects. Every time I talked to Dad he sounded out of breath, but he was so very proud of his accomplishment! The only thing that would have made the weekend better was to hang out with family! One thing Dad taught me is how great it feels to stand back and admire something that you put hard work into. They worked so hard on removing this large planter in their backyard among other things this weekend. When it's all done you are covered in dirt and sweat.... but, you feel AMAZING!!!

I feel a bit like that right about now even though I haven't accomplished much this weekend. Being around good friends is the best dose of medicine. That laughter and love is pure addiction. God has always blessed me with angelic friends. After a day by the pool and playing games I am covered in sweat and dirt, but it's a peaceful feeling.

Memorial Day is not forgotten in the fun and games. I am thankful for all that the military men and women do for us on a daily basis. It is so easy to be so far away from it all in my mind. I do not know many military men and women on a close level so sometimes it is far from my understanding. But, to truly understand what they go through and what their wives go through is something unfathomable. The families as a unit are such true heroes. They protect us on a daily basis putting their lives on the line. Both of my grandfathers were amazing veterans. Grandaddy would tell many stories about his time in World War II. So young then I didn't understand the depth of his stories. Sometimes when I sit and think about it I am overwhelmed. These heroes go to another country leaving everything they know... to protect us. They know they might not come home, yet they know it is their calling from God. I remember covering many military stories in the news - their homecomings and when they got to first chat on the phone (Skype now)... I was always moved to tears with their emotion. We would cover deployments in Abilene and that about made me sick watching them hold so tightly to their husbands and wives before having to leave. Yes, we all fight our own battles, but their battle is one of a different caliber.

Embrace

2011-05-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

As Mother's Day approached each year I usually just buried my head in something else. I wasn't annoyed at the day, but I chose not to look at it. This year for the first time since my mother passed ten years ago I decided it was time to get my head out of the sand. A part of me always felt as if I was doing her a disservice by celebrating the day with other mothers. As if I was cheating on her as my own mother. The problem with this philosophy is that it simply cannot be true. We are given one birth mother, but along this journey as I have written for year after year I have been blessed with amazing mothers all around me. Amazing how many people step in to take care of you when you still need a mother... which is practically any age. I do know deep down they have their own children and of course, those children come first... but, I also know love has no boundaries.

I've commented before how Mother's Day was our day. You must remember I was a teenager when Mom passed and therefore I was a bit of a brat to her. I was the typical teenager who didn't think Mom was "cool" and I believe I only started to realize she ruled the world when I went to college. We always got along and we were always close, yes, but I also looking back didn't take enough time to sit with her and just enjoy her. What teenager does? If I could tell my teenage self something I would sure tell her to absorb her parents more! My parents were always my heroes and I loved them deeply, but I just didn't show it enough at that time. On Mother's Day I recall Dad was usually working weekends back then so we would go to church and then we'd go out to eat at the Steakhouse in town. I would always make her fun little cards and gifts. It was just a special day always. So I must continue that tradition!

People that love us give so deeply of themselves. It is something that cannot be measured and no gift can ever be enough. I've always seemed to show a part of my affection with gifts. If I gave you 80 gifts then it must show my love... that sort of thing! I love to give people gifts to see their eyes light up with excitement. It seems that is the easiest way personally for me to show my love.

I still can honor my mother's legacy. She was amazing at parenting. She knew how to put me in my place, yet love on me at the same time. When I would pity myself she would make me laugh. I remember a lot of laughter in our household. Another fond memory is walking down the hall from my church classroom to hers where I would often find her playing the piano and singing along. Dad and I loved to tease her. She would fight back and blow us out of the water. I always felt loved and protected by my mother. The best thing I can say about her and even that I dream about her is that she is the best teacher I have ever seen. She changed lives on a daily basis. She loved to teach with all her heart. The kids loved her, too. She was once my cheerleading sponsor which didn't work out so well because I was just too cool for Mom to be my teacher... ha... but, I loved to watch her work her magic. She taught me how to love and by looking at my parent's relationship I knew what I wanted one day. They were perfect because they laughed and talked and just enjoyed life. I never heard her say one negative thing about my dad... even if they got in a fight playing Nintendo!!! It had to be hard to be the parent of an only child... to create that balance and teach me not to be selfish... they did so well. My mother never missed a basketball game, tennis match or theatre play. I had the best home experience growing up and I am so thankful to my parents for this.

I come from a line of amazing women. I thought about this on Mother's Day. The apple just cannot fall from from the tree, can it? Grandmommy and Granny Jac were two of the strongest women I have ever known. Grandmommy followed Grandaddy Bill's coaching career throughout Texas and she was always in attendance at Mike & Mom's tennis matches. She was feisty and full of love. She was their biggest supporter and from what I hear she was the best cook on the block! Granny Jac was tough as nails, but had a soft heart. She fought her way through some things in her life and came out stronger on the other side. She loved my dad more than anything in the world. She was the cleanest neat freak I've ever known as she was often known to clean on a daily basis. To me she was the 1950s housewife with her hair perfect in place as she hung clothes on the line... except the housewife part because she worked hard and always told me how important it is to have your 401k in order! She knew what she wanted and you better get out of her way so she could get it!

My dad has pretty good taste in women... you would know by his wife! Brenda is an amazing mom! She is always thinking of us and sending us little gifts and Bible verses. She is just a very sweet person. She is quiet when you first meet her then as you begin to know her she is very open and just puts you in her heart. Don't let her seemingly shyness fool you though; she is a firecracker! As in she is tough. She was single many years before meeting Dad because she said she was not going to just marry anyone! She took this time to just enjoy herself and her children. She grew in Christ and loved life. I watch her now that I know she lost her father at the age of twelve and helped her mother raise her two younger brothers. I find amazement in her true character and strength. She is just such a neat lady. I thank God every day that He blessed Dad and Brenda with one another.

If my mother were alive I know she would fall in love with Dianne. They are both teachers at heart so they sure would have a lot to talk about, too. Brenda and Dianne get along so well and they just love one another. One thing I keep saying about these women is that they are strong. She is a feisty one, I tell ya. Dianne is the portrayal of a woman who can do it all. On her days off you can find her working in the yard pulling weeds by hand all day then whipping up a feast for her hubby and taking the dogs on a long walk after dinner. Before all of this she has probably taken a walk to the grocery store, shopped for the biggest bargains because this woman can find a bargain in a gold shop and, oh yeah, done some charity work in between. Her heart is beyond words. I watch Nick with his mom and just smile. They play with one another and joke around all in love. He is in love with his mama... no, he'd never admit it, but he doesn't have to! She is always finding things here and there for Nick, Justin and I. She showers us with kindness and it baffles me as I never knew I could deserve such a special lady in my life. She also puts us in our place and tells us the truth of life. She stands up for herself and if you mess with one of her boys you'd better watch out.

As I put together this slideshow below I found myself smiling. Not only did I not just do pictures of my mother, but I had to research and find pictures of five different women and their children! It was overwhelming and I LOVED IT. Life is such a journey. Love is around us every single day. We just have to embrace it and not hide from it.

Oh... and how did I celebrate the day? Dad and Brenda came through town so we went to breakfast at Dream Cafe... Ahhh soooo wonderful and good chat. Then Nick, Justin and I cooked dinner for Dianne and spent time with her! Priceless. I took a jog in the park and felt a tear trickle down as I laughed that it's pretty impossible to cry when you are sweating. Ah, yes, it's an amazing day to embrace love, but I don't have to lie that it's still just a little painful to see all of the amazing Facebook status updates directed to their moms and see all the pictures... hey, ya still gotta feel!!! Such a priceless day...

Big Hats and Frilly Dresses

2011-04-24T20:18:00.000-07:00

Baskets of Easter candy and little girls dressed in frilly dresses and big hats frolic through my mind at this time. My Easter is quite different than many I see floating through my Facebook feed, but that's just fine!

I'll start out with a big birthday weekend for two of my very good friends. They usually have their birthdays together, but decided to do it separate this year so I smashed it all into one night! Nick went out of town for a golf tournament so I had the gals all to myself! First I went to Desperados to celebrate Andrea's 29th birthday. It was so good to see everyone and just catch up. We had a blast just hanging out and laughing. Then I went to Anna's 28th birthday party at her house. It was more of a dance party as most of her friends are old Tech cheerleaders and they love to dance! I just hung out and mingled with some of our sorority sisters. Her little sister was in town from Tech so we talked about college life and I tried to give her my "expert" guidance! All in all it was such a nice night filled with amazing friends!

Two of my favorite people in the world, Kacie & Andrea

The gals: Amy, Kerri, Raelyn, Jana, Tabby, Andrea, Me, Kacie

Today on Easter we got up for the 8 AM service to meet Nick's family and his grandmother from Brenham. I did put on my pretty new dress... hey, that tradition never stops! Nick's roommates came over to his parents along with another friend of ours, Ashton. I sat talking to Granny forever as usual. They make fun of me for loving the company of older folks and hearing their stories. I just love it so much. I love to hear about her grandparents and where they are from... about her great grandparents giving the Indians peace offerings to allow them to pass through the land... just neat old stories. I told her she needs to stay around because she is Nick and I's only grandparent left. She is 80... She told me the same thing Grandmommy always said - as long as her body leaves before her mind!!! We talked about my Dad dating after Mom passed and about how hard it is to return to the home when that person is no longer there and to move on with life. It has only been two years since her husband passed, but she says the hardest part is when everyone left and she went to make a huge pot of coffee. She then realized it was only for her. I told her I always say those first few days are the best surrounded by people and love... then you realize your new reality. I explained how blessed Dad and Brenda are to have found one another because the dating world is awful hard. I have found myself the past few weeks wanting to call Grandmommy many times to tell her about certain things out of excitement... It's just plain hard at times. Anyway... my point is that I love older people who can share life with us young uns. They have been through so much and it's so interesting to hear their stories!

We ate a huge feast then all took the dogs for a walk. It is Nick's dog's 7th birthday so he got showered with love and presents! We all sat around and just talked and laughed for a bit after that. It is now storming outside gently against the window. I love that sound! We need rain badly throughout Texas. I remember being in news covering wildfires in Abilene and being covered in char... this is ten times worse these days.

In other news... this Friday marks Nick and I's three year anniversary. WOW. How time flies. We are going to celebrate with a nice dinner out and just enjoying life as next weekend is his birthday and he gets to take the boat out for the first time this year!

The true meaning of Easter... To ever fully understand what Jesus has done for us. Dying on the cross... Dresses and eggs may be the fun part of this day, but the nitty gritty is Jesus was hammered with nails as they hung him like a piece of laundry on a large wooden cross. His suffering through the wounds on his back, on his head and throughout his body through that horrid day lead to the awakening of the world when he busted through the tomb in all of his shining glory. All he has done for us leads me to sit here on this day enjoying it with family and friends and big hats and frilly dresses.

Making Bluebonnets out of Weeds

2011-04-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

I learned this weekend when life gives you weeds you have to make bluebonnets.

We went to Nick's family reunion in Brenham in hopes of taking loads of pictures in the bluebonnets. I was ready to create a masterpiece. Sadly I found no bluebonnets. The lack of rain in Texas is killing us. West Texas is burning down while the rest of Texas is so thirsty for water it can hardly stand it. I did find weeds disguised as flowers floating in the tall grass of the plains. They didn't quite fool me. I settled on some pictures of the scenery and people and it was all just fine in the end.

Nick's family is a large bunch and they enjoy a good time. We went to his Granny's house. She is a feisty young lady with many stories. I sat on the porch quizzing her about life growing up. She told me all about dating her husband and how she was just sure he was going to kidnap her on their first date when he drove her out to the boonies to the oilfield. She told me in her days you could buy one pair of shoes, but many gave their tickets for shoes to women with babies so the babies could have shoes as they grew so quickly. She said there were no nice sheets! All the nice sheets went to the soldiers so her mama sewed them tough sheets. She said we are extremely spoiled these days!

I found myself many times wanting to call Grandmommy. I took a photo of a windmill... which I did for her the past two years we went to this reunion and framed for her. I yearned to tell her the stories I heard. It was definitely hard. The past month has been very hard, but it's funny that you don't know your own strength until you are forced in the fire. I'm not sure if God thinks I just might be made of steel?

We had a nice time just chatting and hanging out. Nick's mother has three sisters so most of their families get to come. They are all such a great group. I feel blessed to get to be included in this family. Of course Nick and I have to answer why we aren't married yet... I think I've come to the conclusion if we had met now instead of three years ago maybe we'd be on everyone's timeline, but we met when he was 24 and I was 26. He wasn't quite ready and we were figuring out our professional lives. I was probably ready to get married at four years old! Now we've almost got it all figured out, but I wouldn't take back a second of the growth the past three years. We have gone through more than most couples who quickly marry! I lost three grandparents and he lost one grandparent, I lost a best friend, we both had professional struggles... I could go on and on, but we've learned each step of the way. I don't know if we could have made it while getting married in the midst of it all. Maybe it sounds like an excuse... but, we will know when God tells us we are ready. It's truly that simple. Yes, I could marry him today... but, when you start throwing houses and pets and roommates into the equation it isn't quite as simple! Oh... you didn't know I have a devil cat that everyone refuses to live with? Ahhh... if only life were that simple.

Anyway... back to the weekend. There was so much love flowing around the home. I enjoyed watching them laugh and interact with one another. Family is so very important. It's truly the glue of our lives. Even without bluebonnets they just made the entire room fill with flowers.

This little girl was the star! Ashlyn was so funny. We asked her what she worries about and she said, "I really hate that my mailbox wiggles!" We then were talking the millions of dogs at the reunion and she said, "I just know the stupidest dog I know is my cat!"

Dianne and her nephew, Garrett playing Bolo Ball. They laughed because I had never played so I was very rusty. They stopped laughing when I hit four in a row on the best row for high score!!!

I made a friend.

Renee & Boston. We stayed at Renee's house and got to sleep in twin beds that belonged to Nick's great grandparents as they used those as their actual beds like in "I Love Lucy!"

Renee, Nick, Dianne and her sister, Annette

"Puddles of Flame" - Tribute to Una Boles

2011-04-05T20:32:00.001-07:00

You can live your life waiting for the fire. You can see it blazing and shield your eyes from the blaze. You can even study every element of aftermath and chemical make up of the flames. Until you walk through that fire you will not ever fully understand it.

I grew up the only child, only grandchild and only niece in my family. It can be both a blessing and a curse.

The Lord prepares us for that fire. I know it looking back. I had just parked my car when my phone rang at 9 PM on Monday, March 28. My uncle was not making much sense. "Julie, you need to come home, honey. Mama's gone. Mama died. She had a heart attack." I told him to calm down and that I needed to call my Dad and make some plans. There went the match to start the fire.

Una Boles is Mom's mom. She was 83 and more than anything she wanted to see Heaven. In order to fully understand our bond you must know I had five grandparents growing up. Grandaddy Don was married to Rae after his divorce to Granny Jac. Grandaddy Bill was Una's husband and he passed away of a heart attack in 1980 before I was born. Yes, he ran five miles as a total health nut and fell over at the school where he coached. Yes, my mother passed away the same way. Yes, Granny Jac had a heart attack three years ago and fell over on her couch. Dad says it's the best way to go as he watched Grandaddy suffer so long. I say personally it sure makes us feel like we are run over by a truck and have to get up and walk again.

Grandmommy had only be hospitalized once in her life for an appendectomy. She wasn't on any medication at all. She seemed in good health. Other than she weighed maybe 90 pounds. After Grandaddy passed she went on living, but never dreamed of dating again. After her daughter passed ten years ago it was like her lights just went out. She was the youngest of six children so they had all passed on as well. She was just living in this shell. When she was in good spirits she was hilarious and witty. Growing up she was always my favorite because she was fun and sweet. She had a heart for God like no other. She loved Jesus. With all of this though she would often tell me she wanted to go to Heaven. Selfishly I wanted her here, but she said she just wanted to be up there. Uncle Mike had gone to live with her a few years ago just to watch out for her so he was a tennis pro in Abilene. When he got back from his lesson he could see her inside sprawled on the table. He kicked down the door, but she was gone.

We spoke three times that weekend. We usually spoke once a week or so. She spoke with Dad every Saturday morning. They were still very close as he was like a son to her. She called to check on me Saturday and we talked for a long time for some reason. I was telling her about my friends that had student loan debt from college and how thankful I was I never had any and she in turn told me about getting a job to support my mother in college because Mom was going to go to college on a tennis scholarship, but was burned out so Grandmommy got a job to help support her. We talked about Don and Jackie's divorce because she and Bill never took sides and I told her that lesson had helped me deal with friends in big break ups. I even told her about the lady that just turned 119 and I needed her to live that long. She told me she just prayed her body would go before her mind! She called Sunday morning about sending me some newspaper clippings. I called her later that day to tell her Kansas messed up my bracket. She was married to a coach so she loved sports! We always talked sports!

Most of Grandmommy's adult life was centered around Mom's tennis and Mike's tennis and other sports. She also followed Grandaddy Bill to his events. She loved it. Bill was inducted into the Texas Tennis Coach's Hall of Fame in 1993 and the remaining Boles were there in attendance. She grew up in Abilene on a farm. At one point during the war the government used their land as a Prisoner of War Camp. She also told me a story of how she got three to five engagement rings from men going overseas. She has no idea what really ever happened to them; just knew they wanted a woman when they got back. Well, when she and Bill got married they used some of those rings to get money for her engagement ring!!!

In the car on the way to Mom's funeral I will never forget it was very quiet and Grandmommy said, "This too shall pass." That's the thing about fire. Sometime the flames have to die down. And you always learn something from them. I sifted through a book about grief telling me the stages and telling me to how to handle them and I felt a smile spread across my face. I could write this book. With all I had already been through I know grief. It's something one can only learn while they walk through those flames. I know I might not handle it the right or best way possible, but I also know atleast I understand it. It passes and we have to go on with our lives. We remember it and we remember them, but we don't stop because what do I always say... God didn't ask us for permission.

We knew the fire was coming for a long time. We prepared our hearts mentally for the day she yearned for. As the flames roar around us and we wave our arms to see through the smoke we take one step at a time. She happily dances through the drops of rain as they slowly put out the flames. Ten years ago in the darkest of her nights she told us this, too, would pass. If she can say that in the blazing fire of her life I can dance in the puddles of flame. You can see it. You can study it. You can make it through it.

Mom, Uncle Mike, Grandmommy at Bill's induction into the Texas Tennis Coach's Hall of Fame

Una and Bill

Four of the most important women in my life: Mom, Grandmommy, Cousin Donna, Granny Jac

The flowers atop Grandmommy's casket showcased a yellow rose in memory of Mom

Grandmommy, Mom and Granny Jac at Mom's wedding shower

Dad's mom, Granny Jac and Grandmommy with me on Texas Tech Graduation Day 2004

Grandmommy & Grandaddy Bill with Dad

Back to the Future

2011-04-02T21:41:00.001-07:00

I'm going back to my so-called real life tomorrow. I haven't written a blog about Grandmommy's death because I want it to be a true tribute and I just am not in that mental capacity yet. If you don't know... she passed away of a heart attack at age 83. Not on any prescriptions and in seemingly good health... My uncle called me Monday night and I had to in turn call my Dad... (She was Mom's mom, but Dad and her were very close)... And I sit here in awe as my mother, Granny Jac and now my only living grandparent passed away in my life of heart attacks so suddenly as if I was run over by a truck with the news. Grandmommy's husband, Bill passed away of a heart attack after running five miles before I was born as well. Dad says it's the best way to go as he watched his father pass of cancer... I just don't know. Shock is the best phase there is, but for me I am a smiling stonewall during times of tragedy and no one knows that it still sure is hard... Anyway, I will write a tribute in the next few days.

I came home Wednesday and we quickly went into business mode. Dad and I drove to Snyder when I flew in to meet with my uncle and visit the funeral home. Thursday we again drove to and from Midland to Snyder for the funeral. I don't want to go into details yet... We had a small family dinner then came home. Dad took me on a Harley ride as all the cares seemed to blow away in the wind. Friday morning we awoke so early we saw the sunrise as we headed to Abilene for the burial. We were about wiped out as we arrived back in town!

Today was nice as I just adjusted back into life. The business will all come later. Since my mother is deceased I do step into her shoes a bit for part of it all. Dad and Brenda put me to work doing some gardening. It was a lot of fun actually! Then we got some amazing cupcakes and headed to a dessert comedy theatre at a nearby church. They got my mind of off things and it was wonderful!

It's time to get back and get into a routine. For now I'll just say it's been a tough week, but I take comfort in knowing she wanted more than anything to go to Heaven. We spoke three times last weekend on the phone and that warms my heart. I did tell her she needed to live to be 119 like the oldest woman alive. Her response? "I just pray to God He takes my body before my mind!" By gosh... her prayers were answered.

Deny or Be Dinner

2011-03-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

Lions kill by suffocation. They don't even rip apart the skin until the victim can no longer breathe. Knowing this it is a wonder that anyone would want to jump in a lion's den. I'm referring to the story in the Bible of Daniel and the lion's den. If you don't know Daniel survived being thrown in the den all night when God sent an angel to shut the mouths of the lion. That's the short version anyway.

No one wants to get in that den. We are thrown in by some happening in our lives and we grasp at the air the entire way down. Somehow we are to just put that blind faith in the fact God is going to keep us alive and someday we are going to get to climb out of the den and face the sunlight once again. Sometimes it sure seems dark down there.

At church they asked the children what they feared the most. The answers ranged from aliens to darkness to elephants stomping on their head. The crowd giggled. I yearned for that innocence. When do we realize the bigger fears of life? But, being in the middle of that fear in that lion den it seems fear fades somehow into strength because you just have no other choice. If a tree is about to fall on my head I will probably muster up the strength to run really fast away from its wrath.

Deny or be dinner. Daniel was put in the den because he did not deny God. So it puts up a strange correlation that in that den I wonder are we in there because maybe God wants to teach us a lesson. Deny or die in another term. Letting that evil part die off? If one is to deny the lesson they will eventually die from the evil root anyway.

I've heard it said a thousand ways that God has a plan for us. Sometimes when I look at the lion's den in Japan I fall to my knees and wonder where this fits in the plan. There is no comparison of fear when it comes to aliens versus a tsunami killing thousands of people. I cannot wrap my mind around it so I chose to just keep walking and holding on to that faith that it has to be in the plan for reasons I don't understand. As a reporter I always emotionally distanced myself from tragedies. Of course it tugs at you, but for me it shields me somehow.

So the lion's den might be a different place for many people. No matter what it is the constant is the gnashing of lions' teeth and the roaring around you. How we choose to deal with it is our choice. Deny or be dinner. Run or learn. Crouch or survive. Letting the lions suffocate you is only an option when they eat your faith. And, you must remember they cannot eat your faith because angels will close their mouths and allow you to survive until the sunshine peers into the den once again.

West Texas Sunset

2011-03-06T21:48:00.000-08:00

The West Texas sunset ran across the sky as I quietly drove over the plains. Each time I come home it is as if a blanket is put over me and I can get away from the hustle of life for a few days. There is a place my family lives called Welch, Texas and each time I go there I feel as if I am so far away that no one can touch me. It's good to get these escapes from our own realities as it is a type of medicine.

I flew to Midland Thursday night to spend a few days with Dad and Brenda. They had a day of fun planned on Friday! Brenda and I went and had manis and pedis that morning. I love it! Then we ate at Fazolis because we don't have one in the Metroplex... Then Dad took us shopping for a few things here and there. It was a beautiful day so we got on the motorcycles and took a little spin. Then Brenda and I took a walk around the neighborhood. Seems so simple, doesn't it? I loved every minute.

Saturday we attended a seminar by Gary Chapman. He wrote a book I have called "The Five Love Languages." Come to find out the seminar was more of a marriage enhancement so I felt a little dumb, but I learned a lot to tell Nick. My love language is affirmation and you have to tell me you love me and tell me with words. Nick likes to be shown affection by action. You mow the lawn or do his laundry. Dad likes quality time where you sit down and talk to him. We learned so many things. The most important thing is trying not to change people. Trying to love them and changing flaws instead of the root of the person. Love is SO STRONG. Though it is strong it is also something we must nurture and grow. We have to work on relationships because if we don't then they will not grow and they will wither away. It's about being positive to our significant other and not tearing them down each day. It's easy to tear someone down, but it's harder to just love them and be positive each day to build them up. I also learned it's okay to feel emotion. It says in the Bible God got angry... something along those lines. He made our emotions. Overall I learned a lot to take with me and definitely thing everyone should attend some type of seminar of this sort.

Brenda & Gary Chapman

I went over to Big Spring today to visit Chandra. I grew up there, yet it's so different now. I went to the cemetery... Not see Mom like you'd think... I did go by her grave and again am annoyed there are not flowers. I thought in a grave owned by people and not the city they put flowers in the holders! I am going to have to decorate it myself!!! I told her hello and that I knew she wasn't there so I felt pretty dumb. I walked around for 20 minutes before I finally found Sarah's grave. I wanted to visit it forever, but I couldn't find it. I don't know if or why, but somehow my mind needs some closure. I have dreamt her for almost two years as she comes back and she was never deceased. I don't know if this means I don't believe or understand she is gone. When I dream of Mom a lot she is back from the dead and living again... but, she is also about to die again or run away. It's very strange... but, that shows my mind believes she is truly gone and maybe we are always trying to keep moving? Sarah has always played a trick on us or was in hiding. So I stood there just talking to her. There is a picture on her grave and she looks so beautiful. I know she isn't there... but, still... I told her how much I always loved her and how it makes me so sad to think of how special she was to all of us. I told her I was sorry I didn't answer the night she called... the night before she passed away... I had answered every other time, but it was the middle of the night... I love Sarah so much and I always will. She was the light in every room.

I then was driving to Chandra's when I saw Howard and Vicki working on Stephanie's new place so I stopped in to have a chat. Stephanie was walking out the door to go get Trooper so we all talked for a while. My oldest friends in the world... so very special.

I hadn't seen Landry since she was a few months old. She looks just like her daddy. He was out so Chandra, Landry and I hung out for a few hours. We watched "Baby Can Read" - ummm yes... the baby is the boss and she wanted to watch it! She is almost one year old now!!! She was crawling around and I enjoyed making her laugh. She has these huge blue eyes and dark hair... adorable. Chandra has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We had a great time just talking.

As I drove back that is when I saw the sunset. I would love in Dallas if we could see sunsets and stars. I beg Nick one day somehow we get to move to the suburbs of Dallas so it feels like this setting. See, I never take it for granted. I know where my roots are and I know though I have wings that have taken me away from here my roots will never be cut. It's weird coming to Midland as it is not my hometown and that is a good thing because with who I am as a person I needed that cut from me. It was hard to go home and absorb all of those memories for so long. I needed to grow as a person by my Dad and Brenda moving away. If they would have stayed in my house I might not have grown?

It's been a wonderful vacation and soon it will be back to real life. We all must return because... if you think about it... even on the beaches of Cabo San Lucas one Spring I remember knowing soon I needed to get back to reality and gets things done... We cannot stay on vacation forever. The idea sounds nice, but the habits we do each day of laundry, DVR, feeding the cat, checking our e-mail, hanging up towels... deep down these keep us alive just a little bit. They humanize us and they bring us back to earth. The funny thing is... That sunset is there every single day no matter where we are. We just have to find it.

The Inevitable Journey

2011-02-27T21:36:00.000-08:00

A child was born ten years ago on February 26. Their world was filled with light and happiness and a new beginning. Ten years ago on MY February 26 life engulfed me with darkness and pain and a new beginning. It is the cycle of life. It never stops... even when we ask God to make the world stop spinning.

Ten years without my mother symbolizes much more than just a day. I look back on the journey in awe. A decade is a long time, yet it is a vapor. Dad said he wonders at time what life would be like if February 26 had not happened. I dream about it and I yearn for my mother. I have many substitute mothers, but sometimes I wonder about HER. Through wondering about her somehow I realize her health had never been stellar and she might have had a long and painful journey. Instead God took her away with a heart attack. It had to be God's way because none of us in our right minds would EVER think she would go that way. Heart attack? Women at 48 in fine condition don't just fall over one day. She had gone to the doctor that morning for strep throat. Women don't pass away that way. Dad says he went over those weeks in his mind over and over again. What didn't we catch? Nothing we can remember. Why? Probably because that was God's plan. Not ours. For years I blamed myself trying to think I could have saved her by calling earlier or acting earlier and making them go find her earlier. No... That was my plan, not His. If I would have been a better daughter and not a bratty teenager maybe she wouldn't have been stressed out ever and she would've lived. But, then I have to remember... At age nineteen aren't we all acting that way? I have to make myself understand it wasn't me that killed her.

Ten years holds a lot of road. In ten years I have graduated college, lived in Abilene, lived in Tyler, jumped off the bus of the world of television into the unknown and landed in Dallas. I've gained a stepmother, a stepfamily, a new home to visit. And those are the big things... if I was to list the small feats I could publish a book. I've traveled by myself. I've walked down the aisle as a bridesmaid eight times. I've been broadcast to thousands of home as a television reporter. Somehow I did it all without her. For a few years I felt like I was keeping Dad alive. He was so sad and trying to find his footing. We went through some very difficult times. With my pride and both of our stubborn attitudes it was hard to show those emotions. I was sure because his other half passed away that his heart would break in half literally... I didn't know how to keep him alive. Somehow... he lived. He found Brenda and he got married. Years ago I cried out to the Lord to just help my Dad find someone special. How "God" is it that after 29 years of the same person beside you... you can allow yourself to open again? That's God. Dating is scary and an interview time and time again. Yet, Dad found Brenda. To see him smile again and to hear his laughter is something I cannot explain. He began to live on his own. She helped him live again. She brought that smile to his face.

Looking back to ten years ago as I got the phone call that changed everything I look at that young girl. I had wisdom that I didn't understand and found strength that some never knew. That doesn't change in ten years. Everyone is going to lose loved ones and have to walk that new journey. Walking that journey is easier than going through life alone so it's inevitable. It's a choice to make whether we walk along with our loved ones knowing the road will fork and we will have to go down the dusty path or we walk alone in the darkness feeling nothing in our world. Looking back on this journey I would rather have her here, but since that is not an option I would rather enjoy it and take in the light God gives me.

Along this journey I am no superhero. Many times I stop and look up with my hiking boots resting on a large rock. What are you doing now, God? Come on, man... He beams sunshine upon me and commands me to keep walking because I may be lost, but He knows exactly where I'm headed... So with that command I grab ahold of those walking beside me and around me and trudge forward. My boots make imprints in the mud and the sunlight warms my shoulders as I know from experience lightness and darkness can be all on the same path.

An angel, a lady full of wisdom or a lady full of wine

2011-02-19T11:48:00.000-08:00

God says sometimes we entertain angels without realizing it. I'm not sure if I entertained an angel, a lady full of wisdom or a lady full of wine... but, I had an interesting encounter last night. Jordan, Stacy and I were enjoying our conversation last night at Happy Hour when a lady asked if she could interrupt. She was extremely kind as she approached us. We were talking about the professional world and our hopes for it. At our age it's strange because none of us have kids and we can do whatever we want in the world... go wherever we want... but, where do we want to go? She was telling us we needed to ask ourselves what we truly love to do. She said it is very hard. I always ask myself this question. If I could do anything... I would write. Now... making money at writing is almost impossible, but I love to write. She then just spoke directly to me and asked me what I like to do. I shyed away and told her I love to write, be with friends and talk to people. She asked why I was shy. She then told us it was so easy to give compliments and give advice because we are in control. When we receive we lost that control. I nodded my head. She explained that when she walked outside God told her to talk to me. She said eyes are the windows to the soul and she sees something very special about me. I was beginning to wonder if I was in a dream. She was not crazy... She was very normal... The weirdest thing is that I truly needed to hear that. She saw something in me. I know God has plans for me as he has plans for all of us, but it's complicated at times. Nick keeps telling me to remember blind faith. Wasn't I the one who wrote the poem about blind faith? Don't I need to remember my own words? Anyway, she ended up hugging each of us and walking back inside. I don't know if she was an angel, but it was such an interesting thing. People are just neat... I mean, she came up to three strangers and just spoke to us and spoke openly about God and she had no idea we were Christian. She also spoke to Jordan about a sermon at church (the thing I mentioned before about giving and receiving) and strangely Jordan had been talking earlier about thinking she was going to back to that church after she heard the same sermon! The lady had no idea we had been talking about that before! God is always working. Even when we cannot seem to hear him. I keep asking Him just to talk to me and asking if maybe He is angry with me? Maybe this was His way of talking to me.

Ken and Barbie Collage

2011-02-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

I made this slideshow for Valentines Day on my new editing system... It took a bit to make, but it makes me smile! We had a nice Valentines! I made a large chicken caesar salad with a side of carrots for dinner. We snacked on Girl Scout cookies sent from my family and then Nick ate his weight in candy as I had set him up a candy buffet. Instead of roses he got me a stuffed animal because I told him growing up Mom would always send me stuffed animals since everyone sends roses.

An English Lesson

2011-02-12T14:48:00.000-08:00

I'm a West Texas girl. I live in Dallas, but my roots will always be in West Texas. I say this as a precursor to the new things I have learned this weekend regarding different cultures.

Nick and I came to Houston to see Tony & Katie's new house. Katie's dad is in town this week from England. I have told a few stories about how much I enjoy learning Katie's roots. Katie's dad, Gordon has taught me so many neat things in the past two days. It's also very interesting to me how people that aren't in the US or in Texas don't understand us. Gordon wonders why there are so many pick up trucks. Why don't we love soccer as much as them? Why do Americans love baseball? Mr. Moore tells me stories about eating with Charles and Camilla at Buckingham Palace and how his stepson was served tea by Prince William because he was a higher authority than William in his position. He shared a girlfriend at one time with one of the Rolling Stones. I was just rolling in learning all of these things. I was saying how I would hate to live too far from my family and he tells me he has kids in Houston, France, England and Australia. They basically live off of Skype and talk via video chat. It is just so neat.

Mr. Moore told me I have the thickest American accent he has ever heard and it is often hard to understand me. I told him what is funny is that when I did television news I could make my accent disappear by speaking low and in intervals. I did my TV voice for him!

Other than my English lesson... We have been enjoying our time in many ways. We are attending the Mavs vs. Rockets game tonight as Tony is a Rockets fan and Nick is a Mavs fan. We got to meet all of their new neighbors while we were out barbecuing in the backyard.

I smile in the fact I am a proud West Texan. No matter where I live I will always hold those roots close to my heart... and even enjoy the accent!

Magical Snowman

2011-02-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

We were able to venture out into the world this weekend after being iced in all week. I love the snow, but the ice seemed impossible. On Friday when the snow finally fell upon the ice I knew Nick wouldn't be going into work so he would just have to play with me. I went over to his parents' house because he couldn't get to his house in Plano either and we enjoyed the day. We took the dogs on a walk through the icy streets as I fell a few times! Shiner loved the snow so much that he begged us not to go back inside. We decided not to make a snowman because I found out last year it is lot harder than it seems! We played and threw the football and tackled one another. I watched some children down the street and I felt the smile spreading across my face. As a child it's so fun to have those days of snow when all you care about in the world is making that snowman. It's another realm of magic. Even as adults it's the same feeling.

It's funny how God works. I always think of February as Valentines Day and Mom's anniversary of her death. This month has already been a whirlwind of new beginnings and exciting adventures. God brought the snow and the Superbowl and life in itself and I don't seem to focus on those other things. We did miss Andy Pettitte speaking at church this week because of the Superbowl though... Better get that back on track! Seriously... Dallas held the Superbowl here so I volunteered to work for Nick's company, StubHub... It was spectacular and a lot of fun. We got to meet some of the athletes and enjoy time with all of the employees. At the end of the day we were all zonkered out, but it was a good time had by all.

Back to the snow day... We decided that night to go out to Matt & Keilly's house and have dinner, play board games, etc... We took their dogs to the playground and Keilly & I both found we were getting too cold so left the boys to play football in the snow and came back to the cozy house. We played a game of Loaded Questions when they got back in and just had a ball. I'm quite competitive so I'm not sure Nick enjoys playing against me.

Snow is in the forecast again tomorrow. I think God is smiling down on us! Snow brings a world of magic even if it only lasts for a day. For that one day we forget our cares and we are like children just racing to build that snowman and make that snow angel.

Ice

2011-02-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

We were driving home one Christmas Eve as our truck was having trouble staying on the road. The road beneath the tires was an ice skating rink. My mother was afraid and said, "Joe Mark, watch the road!" We made it home somehow that night.

I don't remember many true ice storms. We all love snow, but ice is another story. The entire Metroplex has been iced in. I literally was inside all day yesterday just staring at the outside of the window. Today I had to go do some extra computer work at Nick's parents' house so I made the trek across town... well... five miles. I was scared to death. There was no snow. Just ice. I slowly crept and made it there. I don't understand how people in the North deal with this every single day.

One thing I enjoy about the snow and ice is the quiet. I once was tired skiing and I sat in the snow. I looked around at the tall trees and listened. I could hear God in that moment. It was eerily quiet. The snow quietly whisked through the trees. It was just pure Heaven in that moment.

Ice makes me think of our strength. I come from a line of strong women. I don't know much about Grandmommy's ancestors, but I know Adams women are made of ice. When I say we are made of ice I do mean we melt at times and I do mean we are full of strength, but I don't mean we are icy hearted. My mother always fought for what she believed in. She fought for me. My Dad's family is full of amazing women. I look at times when things are tough and I try to remember that. My mother passed away ten years ago this month. I look back in awe that I have even made it this far without her. I have noticed in the past few years when we face obstacles my Dad and I both are quiet and calm. Like ice we walk forward and we just await the sunshine.

We all melt because it's just a scientific fact that ice must melt after a certain temperature is reached. Our hearts don't have to stay icy, but our strength attaches the remnants of the icicles and helps us grow as people. So they say in the next few days the sunshine will melt the skating rinks that have claimed the streets. They say God knows when to make the sun shine at the perfect time to melt away our stress.

29

2011-01-27T10:34:00.000-08:00

Turning 29 was not an entertaining thought. Maybe I should think it's the last year of my 20s so I should be living it up. I was basically banging on the brakes wanting to back up. Then I remember atleast I don't have to yet worry about botox and gray hair... yet... When that hits I will just have another thing to stack on my monthly beauty regimen!!! Men have it easy... They have to worry about nose hair, gray hair and bushy eyebrows... We have to try and try to look like the ageless Gloria Loren and Joan Collins.

I began my birthday week by enjoying a day with my friend, Keilly. We went shopping for a birthday outfit in Plano at Charming Charlies. We had a blast playing in all the different colors. Then we got a mani/pedi... Ahhh relaxing! Then I headed over to Nick's parents for my dinner. They always let us plan the menu. I had chicken, mac n cheese and Italian cake. They gave me a beautiful new comforter and shower curtain. I've been redoing my home slowly... I just got a new computer desk two weeks ago as well. It's fun! Next up... computer chair and new bookshelves.

We had our newly annual "Big Spring Birthday Bash" Saturday night. Tara, James, Lauren, Emily, Hamilton, Adam, Lance and I all have birthdays in January and were always close growing up. So we all try to get together. This year it was only Tara, Lauren and I that got to celebrate as James just had a baby, Emily had to work, Hamilton is still in recovery from his electrocution, Lance is about to have a baby and Adam was in Odessa. We met at Bar Celine and had a really great time. Blair had gotten us a booth so we got to just chill out there. It is a very peaceful and neat place. Great times with old friends... I don't have many pictures because Lauren took them all and she hasn't uploaded them yet!

Lauren & Cody.

Jana and Jason took me out to our favorite wine bar, Mercy the night before my birthday. We had such a good time talking. Jason and I both had parents that passed away young with heart problems so it was interesting to hear someone else's perspective that has to work like me with cholesterol. He is in tip top shape and thinks about it. It also interested me that when Jana popped out of the woods with, "Hey, when did your Mom die again?"... (she meant no harm... just asking)... Jason and I both explained we never really say "die" that we say "pass away." That's weird I don't feel as alone in that... Anyway, we also talked about how Jana and I are both only children and feel we should be in the same state as our parents because we are the only child if something were needed for them. It's pressure at times... but, it's also a neat thing. We both have stepfamily now as well so it's fun to talk about our blessings there.

My actual birthday on January 19th was a really relaxing day. I was off so I puttered around the house and enjoyed life. Nick sweetly took off work early so he came over and worked out with me and relaxed as well. A big group of us went to The Melting Pot that night. I can't say it was the best ever, but it was a fun experience! All in all the meal takes about three hours because you cook it all yourself and it's a lot of small courses!!! Good thing we all liked one another! The boys at the end of the table got all the meat, us gals got the veggie plates and the others at the other end got the seafood. We all sampled each!
Cohen

Keilly & Donna.

Shanna & John's son, Colby.

I flew to Midland to hang with Dad and Brenda that weekend. They have always come to me on birthdays, but after getting stuck in the ice storm in Tyler a few years ago they are a bit leary!!! We had an amazing time!!! First off when I got there they just had to make me open gifts... I will tell you about my big gift in a bit... but, they gave me a lot of fun other things as well! Dad got himself a new computer so I played with it all morning and felt really important that I could hook it up for him! Made me feel tech savvy!!! Then later that night we went to a hilarious play. It made me smile... It was about an older couple who had grown boring so they decided to spice up their life and play like they were on vacations when they really weren't... and finally throughout these "lies" they started falling into them so much that they lived them rather than their own life... and in the end realized their real life was much better!

Brenda made the best cupcakes ever. She also made me a seafood feast for my birthday dinner!!! Sunday Howard, Vicki, Stephanie and Trooper all came over. It was so wonderful to celebrate with them. I've been celebrating with them since I was five years old!

My big gift was in the same category from both Dad and Brenda and Nick. The best ever. Nick got me an editing software like we used in the news. I can edit my old home videos and put them online and then on DVD!!! I gave Mitchell my news tapes to edit and now I want them back so I can play!!! I have SO MANY home videos from high school, college and basketball... Dad and Brenda got me a VCR to DVD burner so I can directly transfer the videos to DVD! Some of the tapes are getting old and worn out. NO one uses VCR anyway. So needless to say I have spent countless hours already playing and editing and some uploading! Brenda spent a few hours Sunday watching her old Christmas videos while we recorded them! SO EXCITING!!!

There you go. The month of January is almost over and I have loved every day!!! Maybe being 29 is only the beginning of greatness!!!

It's a New Year

2011-01-05T08:35:00.000-08:00

Here we are in 2011. It seems a bit surreal. I reflect on resolutions we are to make... but, I began walking in my new resolutions a long time ago. My main one is be mean. Yes, sounds funny... To stand up for myself and to have confidence. It's been working quite well lately. I am tired of being too nice and tired of not getting what I want in life because I worry what others will think. It's hard not to wonder what others think at times, but it also helps me in my daily life to hold my head high and do things that please me and help me live the utilitarian life.

I've also promised to cook more. When I was in Midland Brenda and I cooked up a great meal... We even fried chicken! I made chicken, potatoes and gravy. It was yummy, too!!! So tonight when Nick comes over I am cooking chicken (not frying, but baking), sweet potatoes sliced up and grilled asparagus. For one I want to know what is in my food. Preservatives are not fun. Tomorrow I get my physical results and I'm just sure they will tell me my cholesterol is high... it runs in the family... even though I'm slim and I run a lot... it must not matter! This week I went to the grocery store and bought things for the week... I don't usually go out anyway to eat, but it will help with the cash flow!!! A lot of fruits, veggies, soups, frozen steamable veggies, crackers... things like that.

Let's go back to New Years...

We had a get together at Nick's and a lot of our friends came. Katie and Tony came in from Houston and Katie's brother traveled from England. He is so neat to talk to... they have different lingo and don't know much about football or our food. He was excited to go to an American McDonalds! We all hung out and watched the ball drop. I was in bed by 12:30 because I'm cool like that. I didn't take any pictures... I had on a new outfit and everything, but I missed the opportunity for pictures!!! I decided New Years is a weird holiday because you have to dress up just a few days after Christmas when you feel like a whale and it's cold outside.

We went to the Texas Tech Bowl game... It was frozen, but fun! We met up with my Big Spring friends in the parking lot and hung for a bit... Then we found sunshine to watch the game! I saw so many old friends! I ran into Laura Norris Landenberger and Laura Lowe Freeman who are my sorority sisters... so good to see them. Then we ran into Allison Spencer Gilmore and her husband and brother! Allison sat next to us for a while and we got to talk. She is such a spirited Red Raider. She was so involved in the game! I must admit I'm more into socializing!!! We got to catch up about her adorable daughter and just life in itself. Old friends are wonderful. Then Missy and Josh came to sit with us. Missy is a reporter in Dallas and I don't watch the news much, but we love to relive old news life together. She climbed the ladder and went through insanity to get to Dallas, but she has the true heart of a reporter. I never had her fire for hard news. I like the fun stories!!! We had a blast catching up. She has always been one of my favorite people. We are both total West Texans at heart so we talked about West Texas things!!! We need to get together more often, but she lives in Ft. Worth and that seems light years away!!!

Back to 2011. Back to reality. I turn 29 in a few weeks and I am trying to run away. It doesn't seem real at all. But, here we are. The journey of life is always winding. We are always walking along and trying to hold God's hand. I'm scared to death of a new year because I never know what it holds. Dad says he can look back and see tragedies in his years, but he has never seen a fully bad year. God somehow always makes the path straight and helps us through each day. In 2001 we lost Mom and 9/11 hit, but I can see that in the bright lights of the year, but I can also remember such good times in sorority Rush and life in college and that summer...

Unwrapping Christmas

2010-12-26T20:59:00.000-08:00

Christmas has wrapped up and it seems so very surreal. I'm trying to absorb every millisecond possible with the family and friends. We began Christmas Eve at the Gray household with their family, Nick's godfather and his seven children and their children...

The Gray household, to say the least... was overwhelming! There were so many people I could not count them! It was so much fun. We ate a lot, stood around and talked, a little boy read the Bible story and we prayed, Jim took professional shots of all of the families and then we opened gifts... WOWSERS. I don't have the professional shot yet... but, I do have one of my family we took in front of my lil tree!!! It was such a neat experience. There were little kids running through the house while the adults laughed and carried on. The Teters even got to make a visit. I was so worried if Brenda and Dad were entertained, but they seemed to enjoy the visit, too.

Nick got me beautiful diamond earrings! I think people thought he was going to propose because of his little speech, but no... too cliche. I'm getting really frustrated with everyone pushing me to get married... I'm almost there... but, there's still a long journey ahead! ... Anyway, so Nick says I always tell him to get a rock from his garden and write me a poem on it and that would suffice as a sweet gift... so my gift is a sort of rock! I am in love with them... but, I would like a poem just as much... maybe! I got him golf irons, an Under Armour polo and a few small items just for fun.

Dad, Brenda, Nick and I went back to my place to open just our gifts. This picture doesn't do it justice, but my family is a little crazy about gifts. We love to open!

I think we scare Nick with the amount of gifts. As you can see... Santa each year brings us kids the essentials in a huge bag full of toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning products... that sort of thing... I think I get about 40 gifts or so... that's just normal to us only children. I try to get Dad and Brenda as much as I can, but I just try to make it meaningful. We had so much fun ripping open gifts and enjoying them. I don't even know my favorite. I got a lot of kitchenware and clothing. I just loved everything so much. I was sad when Dad and Brenda left for bed. It felt surreal that it was all over so quickly. I talked to God about my blessings for a long time that night.

We headed out to Henryetta, Oklahoma to my stepbrother's family's house on Christmas morning.

My stepbrother, Steven and his wife, Ashley and their daughter, Rylie & Saige

By the time we got there the girls had already gotten their gifts from Santa and they were beyond thrilled. Rylie is four and Saige is 20 months... oh man they are sooo much fun!!! I have been ridden like both a horsey and a piggy. I've been tied to the playhouse because I was a bad dog. I have been licked by a play puppy. I've been jumped up and down on like a trampoline. It seems like torture, right? Actually it's quite fun! Wow... mothers are tough folks!!!

Rylie's new puppy, Slinky

I like posed pictures, but my dad does not. We were chilling on the couch after a long day. This is Ashley's mom, Carla and all of us...

We went to church this morning and I have talked before about how much I love their preacher. I really enjoy his thoughts and listen to the sermon with open ears. There are a few things I want to work on in the next year and one is getting more involved with my church. Ashley and I went on a walk in the frigid weather and we looked at some really neat houses. It seems so desolate, yet there are these huge and neat houses in the middle of these random lots. By the time we got back everyone was settling into football mode. I've never watched so much football! Steven is a coach so he lives and breathes it... this is when I roam away and go play Toy Story with Rylie!

Tomorrow morning we are going shopping in Tulsa... then we are headed West on Tuesday for more adventure... Life is so fragile and I just thank God for allowing me to enjoy my loved ones at this time.

Traditions

2010-12-23T15:37:00.000-08:00

I keep talking about the magic. I just wish it was here all year round. The holidays are sometimes difficult, yet always out of this world. I keep reverting back to childhood because Christmas was always so special. My boss didn't mean to, but she was talking about cooking all of the goodies with her daughter. It hit me all of the things my Mom used to bake during this time. I remember this one Christmas when I was a teenager I finally had a little allowance money and I bought her a Gap sweatshirt. I was so so so excited that I had spent so much and was able to get her something special. She was probably just excited that I had actually picked her out a gift and not been selfish with my money. The first year it was just Dad and I it was very difficult to know how to buy him all of the gifts. It wasn't about money, but trying to live up to that expectation of making him happy without all of the big things she could give him.

I notice these traditions. I just realized that at some homes Santa Claus brings all of the gifts. See... at my home Santa only brought the biggest and baddest the next morning after I unwrapped all the gifts from my family. Another thing... People find it strange I sent out cards with pictures. Especially since we aren't married. I guess I find it strange, too, but beats it just being me. I cannot help I don't have some cute little kids. Growing up as an only child my mother would dress me in different outfits and have me pose all around the house. I thought it was very normal. I so loved doing that. Do you want to know the tradition growing up after Christmas Eve dinner at the Stewarts? We would drive around looking at lights for a while then we'd go home and change clothes. Mom would begin playing the piano and Dad and I would sing with her. Then we read the Christmas story from the Bible then we ripped open gifts going around in a circle. WOW. How do you beat that?!!

This year as I have said before it is about making a new tradition. We will spend the Eve at Nick's parents house then come back to my place and open gifts. I don't have a piano... that's okay because the one at Dad's house is so out of tune I feel sorry for Brenda when she does play!!! It is Granny Gert's from back in the day and I am darn proud of it!!! We will spend Christmas with Steven, Ashley and the girls in Oklahoma. It will be fun to see the magic of Santa in their eyes. We will attend church with them and I really love their church.

I don't want the magic to leave or the music to stop. I guess each month we have different seasonal activities and maybe we can make those special.

I am thankful for all of my blessings God has given me. It's different to be from a small family, but it's so normal to me. My traditions are very different from each. Nick's parents both come from semi big families, yet each of those siblings has their own traditions so they choose to spend Christmas with his godfamily and now us... It seems pretty neat to me! They all take family photos after Eve dinner as Nick's dad is a professional photog on the side. It's special to them. And we know I love photos... so somehow all of our traditions intertwine... and somehow it's all God.

It's a Charity Bash

2010-12-21T20:11:00.000-08:00

A large part of Christmas is about giving. It seems every Hallmark movie tells us that. I'm not sure that the Bible tells us this is the only season to give, but it seems the magic whirls so much that we just open our hearts. Andrea hosted a Charity party this weekend and it was so much fun. Nick and I were assigned to a 16 year old girl. I had a blast as I went through my closet and drawers just to give her extra things! Her actual gift wrapped up were what she asked for - a pair of Skinny jeans from Forever 21!!! Our friend, Kacie is close to this family... There are TEN children... and the parents work very hard to support them. They sleep on blankets in their small apartment and volunteer at the food bank to help others. They are a very special family. You should have seen the presents flowing!!! Andrea and Kacie went to surprise them tonight with gifts!!!

We had a good time... I got to hang out with Stephanie as she came over from Arlington with her husband. It was so good to all get together since Jana, Stephanie and I have been friends for over ten years now!!! Andrea danced as she always dances ;)... and Chad did cheerleading stunts with the old cheerleaders as he will never grow out of it! Nick talked sports with the guys while us gals talked about shopping and girly things.

I'm so ready for this weekend. Dad and Brenda will be here on Eve and we will celebrate with Nick's family. We will then travel to Oklahoma to be with my stepbrother and his family. We will THEN make the long trip through Snyder to see Grandmommy and go back to Midland. We are celebrating with the Stewart family after this! And... then I'll fly back... WHEEEW... So exciting!!!

Jana & Stephanie

I look a bit like a chipmunk here, but Andrea and Stephanie are hotties.

Why does Nick look afraid?

Never a dull moment with Chad.

Brian and Kacie

Jana and Jason

Stephanie and Jody

Manufacturing Christmas

2010-12-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

The magic of Christmas swirls through the air and I just cling to each day as if it’s a balloon trying to fly away. Maybe I try to manufacture Christmas in a sense. Like I am trying to create what I had as a child. I want to bottle that and just drink it.

We have been going to a few Christmas parties and it has been a blast! Last week we had Nick’s parents’ neighborhood party in Lake Highlands and then my company party at The Village in Dallas. It was so pretty and so much fun. I didn’t feel like putting on a dress in the tundra, but I'm so glad we went!!! Tonight starts with an ornament exchange at Sandi’s; Toys for Tots Dinner tomorrow night for work; Sarah Cohen’s Birthday Outing; Holiday Sales Gathering at work Friday; Andrea’s Charity Party Saturday… Wow… I love it. I’m sure we’ll stuff some in here and there. Nick and I are trying to get a group together to do the carriage ride through Deerfield this weekend. We usually just go in our car, but it takes forever and is annoying in lines. We want to enjoy it and sip hot chocolate and sing along. Okay… so people in Dallas seem to think their lights are the best… well, they don’t know about my hometown… Big Springers try to outdo one another so each house is bigger and better with decor. I grew up on the “Christmas Light” street where legend is you had to put lights on your house in your contract…but, it was major and beautiful. I really miss that magic. The lights here are great… but, NOTHING compared to Big Spring!!!

All this talk about gifts and parties makes the manufacturing. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the lights and have to look at the true meaning. It’s not a cliché that Jesus is the reason for the season. Everything about Christmas is Jesus. Don’t you see? When I talk about the giving and the lights and the magic… isn’t that all Jesus? Lately on my heart has been my precious friend, Lindsey with breast cancer and brain cancer… It’s not the fact she has battled and beaten it now three times, but the miracles surrounding it that knock me to my knees in my faith. Just a sample… Lindsey and her husband decided to sell their luxurious home and cars after knowing the finances they are facing… these were all sold in three days… Lindsey was offered a job outside her traditional classroom setting and if she wasn’t in this job now when her brain tumor hit she wouldn’t have been able to take a leave… Her seizure hit during the holidays so she could take minimal days of vacation… They were able to give one of their dogs away in 24 hours to an amazing home… wow… I could go on and on… The point is that there is no way any of this could have happened by coincidence. I tried to remember this when I am worrying about the smallest worries of my day. God is taking care of the big ones… so if He can move mountains… He can certainly heal me.

I’ll try not to manufacture my own Christmas. At times it’s difficult not to fill my own vile of medicine with this magic… but, it’s best to let the season come as it may and just enjoy each day with the excitement and vigor of a child.

Gobbles 2010

2010-11-28T15:06:00.001-08:00

Our Thanksgiving was filled with so much love and laughter I could still pop. I should just copy and paste the e-mail my Dad wrote about it, but I also should not plagiarize his own genius of writing skills so I'll touch on pieces of it!!!

I flew in to San Antonio to celebrate with Brenda's family. We went out to her Aunt Cora and Uncle Ed's little farm. They are truly neat people that have been married over sixty years. There were about thirty people in attendance. Ed wanted to have dinner out in the barn... or his workshop... why, you ask? He was very proud of it and Cora wanted a place we could all sit together. They put together tables and it was just fine. It wouldn't have mattered where we were eating. The day was gorgeous which half annoyed me because I had put together an elaborate new outfit with my new coat and scarf... but, I like being warm so it's even better!!! I don't like normal food on holidays so I said no to the turkey and ate all side dishes... I'm weird, but I like it that way. They were so yummy. Of course I also went for dessert. Eating healthy didn't seem to matter that day.

After lunch Ed and his brother serenaded us with a violin and guitar. My Dad loves that music so I enjoyed it, too. It felt like we were in Luchenbach. Between bouts of football we played Bunko and then did the White Elephant gift exchange. It was such a blast. We laughed the entire time.

Aunt Cora has lung cancer and is going through treatments so the family really tried to make her time a wonderful one. She is doing so well that I had no idea she was still in chemo. She said her hair should fall out soon and she has a wig! She is so funny and just has the best heart.

My favorite part of the day was just being with everyone. Being an only child, grandchild and niece I had a very small family... When we would go with Dad's cousins I felt like I was in a big family and fell in love with it. Nick tells me that now I not only have my family, but Brenda's and his family, too. The love just surrounded us. They welcome Dad and I like we are their own blood.

When we go to San Antonio we stay with Brenda's brother Jay and his family. They have a nine year old, Seva. We have such a blast playing. She makes me see through a little girl's eyes. She is so full of energy, hates boys and loves Disney.

We got up at a normal time on Black Friday, but decided to hit some shops later in the day before I flew out. I think we all got a few gifts... but, nothing too crazy!!! I didn't want to fly back to the real world.

When I got back Nick surprised me by having my Christmas tree up and some of my house decorated!!! I melted!!! How awesome!!! So we spent the rest of the night wrapping gifts... hey, that's my idea of a perfect night...

Perfect holiday. Gobbles.

KATELYN AND ME. This is Brenda's niece... She is 12... She is my mini me in a way telling me about the boys she likes and her sports and cheerleading. She is just adorable and lots of fun.

TWINS BLAYNE AND KEENAN. Brenda's cousin's grandbabies. Adorable. Too small... Scares me.

MY FAMILY. DAD LOOKS EXCITED ABOUT HIS TURKEY.

CORA AND HER NIECE, BRENDA

ENTERTAINMENT.

UNCLE JIMMY AND HIS GRANDSON, GABRIEL.

SEVA LEA AND ME!

WHITE ELEPHANT AND BUNKO. I came home with Armor All... but, it was what I stole... They stole jewelry and Starbucks from me and I like to keep my car clean!!!

Find the Light Through The Darkness

2010-11-21T20:34:00.000-08:00

There are a million things I could write about just because I haven't set down to write. I wonder why I write, but then I remember if I don't write I go insane because I am a WRITER at heart. No one really reads my blog because I don't have kids and I'm just me! But, atleast it's here for me and one day people will read it!!! I'm interesting!!!

So a million things... Like the fact it's Thanksgiving week and I'm so ready to fly to be with the family. Like the fact I've been insanely decorating and shopping for Christmas already and still have many presents to buy. And, I wonder... why oh why do we give so many gifts? I absolutely love it... I grew up an only child, grandchild and niece so I got a lot of gifts and we didn't do the drawing for who gets what blah blah blah... So I feel as if I should shower people with gifts... but, man, it's hard to figure out what some people really want! In my shoes this is who gets gifts: Dad (the most because he's Dad!), Brenda (who has already made a haul this year!), Nicholas, Nick's parents, Grandmommy, Alyssa, Aaliyah, Malachi, Xander, Steven, Ashley, Rylie, Saige and D'Layna... oh, and a gift for Secret Santa at work and Andrea's Christmas Party and probably another Christmas party that requires a gift (and that is why I love Christmas Tree Shops because I can get rocking gifts for less expense for these!)... too much fun to shop!!!

Another thing... Mom would be 58 this week. By gosh. She passed away at 48. I wonder what life would be like for her? I wonder what she would look like? I wonder what she would be doing? 58 seems so young now. She will be eating red velvet cake in Heaven. Funny thing... Red velvet is Nick's mom's favorite, too. Sometimes the things I cannot explain with Nick and my background blow me away. That's a small thing, but it's neat and unusual. Sure wish Mom could taste Dianne's red velvet cake.

On to the meat of my heart...

Today at church the preacher was talking about depression. He was saying sometimes our sadness should not be medicated. This was not his sermon, but he made a good point. A young girl who was depressed came to get meds from him. After speaking with her for a while he asked her what grieved her the most. After she confessed all of these things deep down she cried heavily and was a different person from then on. Without meds. Now, I'm not giving up my crazy anxiety pills just yet, that is not what I'm saying... and heck, I'll always be anxious. That's just me... but... this is interesting. What grieves us the most? What do we do that makes us feel God hates us? And, if you think about it, it weighs us down. Sometimes when I feel like God probably hates me I close up and I'm sad. I thought hard when he asked me that question. Why do you feel today God hates you? Why do you grieve? Well... for me... I'm always worrying and always thinking. I live in fear of the unknown. I'm afraid to walk outside for fear the tree will fall on my head... not really, but it seems like that at times. Always the What Ifs of life. I worry God is angry at me for this. I cannot help it. The way as women we sometimes gossip and say ugly things... and then I stop myself because I know I'm wrong. I've found myself now multiple times just smiling and staying out of the conversation and telling people not to be mean. But, sometimes... yes. We all fall short. I'm selfish and I feel horrible when I realize I'm being selfish. Yes, God still loves us when we do these things... but, I just realized it sure is hard to live this life that pleases God every single day. I mess up. We all mess up. And we have to just give it to God and ask Him to forgive us because it just festers and builds until we explode. We find the darkness if we do not go into the light.

That's my rant for today.

Neverchanging Stocking

2010-11-08T20:09:00.000-08:00

I got stockings in the mail today and boy, was I excited... Weird, you say? Well, this season it seems to be about making new traditions... The short of the story is that Dad and Brenda are coming this way and decided I had to have a beautifully decorated lil space for them... so I then decided to spruce up my decor. Nick's mom has been helping me find some neat things... I've always decorated, but this is the first year for a tree!!! Growing up I was quite spoiled with our stockings... Granny Jac made Mom, Dad and I stockings... They are full of sequins and just gorgeous. Well, I knew Nick and Brenda needed a stocking... so I created two online through Personal Creations. They are amazing!!! I will hang them up beside Dad and mine (I thought about getting us all matching ones, but I refuse to retire the Granny Jac stocking because it rocks)... I already want to blast the music and decorate...

I don't like change. I've said this before... But, we knew last year we needed to grow. Look, after Mom passed away that first Christmas was horrendous trying to figure out how Dad and I could do Christmas Eve without her. Sitting on the floor exchanging gifts... It ripped our hearts out. I don't remember it too much, but I know we had to learn how to celebrate again. You have to remember I am an only child. My Christmas is not filled with screaming children running amuck. It was always me, Mom, Dad, Grandmommy, Granny Jac and sometimes Uncle Mike... that's it... We celebrated on another day with Grandaddy and Rae since Granny Jac didn't enjoy being in the same room... Christmas Eve for the past 25 years though has been spent at dinner with the Stewarts in Big Spring. I knew two years ago it was different when we didn't spend it at Ina's anymore... Ina is the grandmother... I knew the spirit was different as everyone was getting older. I love every year seeing my second family and my "sister" Stephanie... She was a gymnast at Boise State so she didn't come home much at all during college. I also knew last year that with Nick one of us had to budge with our stubborn feelings on our own traditions. We aren't married, my gosh, but we had to grow as a couple...

We do Thanksgiving with Brenda's family and spend parts of the holidays each year in Oklahoma with my stepbrother's family... Brenda's daughter moved up North this year so they will not be with us. So my family is coming this way with Nick's family... It's different and it's scary. It was hard on me at first when we did the integrated Christmas with Brenda's family because it was just different. No matter how much time passes I wonder why holidays still tear at our hearts? Grandmommy is at the age where she doesn't cook anymore and she swears she needs no gifts... though we still find her things!!! I don't know how that will work... How will we see Grandmommy in Snyder if we are in Dallas and Oklahoma? We will figure it out... I know... we always do... It's a big change for all of us... We seem to have done it so many times before that it just seems normal.

I look back in wonder that Dad and Mom had it so easy... yet so different. They knew they would go to Snyder because they were both from there... Dad's parents were divorced though and that had to be hard to figure out who gets "left out." They never let me know it was weird. It's hard as we grow up and our lives grow and change that we have to mold along with it. I have spent many holidays in a news station. I spent Christmas morning of 2005 crying in an airport on my way back to the news... Change. I promised myself I would always be with my family. I would not leave my Dad out of holidays because he has been through all of the changes with me. Family is the most important thing in our lives... the love of it all. The holidays though they change... the one constant that stays is FAMILY. Family might not mean relatives... it might mean friends... The Stewarts have been our very best friends all of these years through the changes... As we add people to our families... as the stockings of Joe Mark and Julie meet their matches of Brenda and Nick... it's all about the constant through all of the waves... LOVE.

This is how much I love my stocking...

Halloween Scare '10

2010-11-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

Smorgasbord of Halloween.

Update on Hammy

2010-10-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

I went to visit Hamilton today. As I posted before we did his raffle and raised about 5,000. I felt there wasn't an excuse for waiting so long, but in a way I am glad I did. We can prepare ourselves so much, but even with all of his healing I was still not all the way prepared...

Ham was transferred from Parkland ICU next door to the rehabilitation hospital this week. I walked in and there he sat in the chair. His mother, grandmother and sister were there as well. He looked great. I have always said it doesn't matter how he will look because it's about his healing, but burn victims (by the way, I hate that word so I'll try to figure out a better one)... we seem to think they will look the way they do on television always... His hands and arms are wrapped in gauze as well as his ears. Remember he lost a great part of his ears. His face looks like Hamilton. The most amazing thing I never noticed were his eyes. He has these huge brown eyes just full of life. His face looks as if he had a bad sunburn and the skin is peeled and there are scabs where it is healing. There is a place on the scalp on one side of his head where there was a bad burn and it is covered with a graft, I think. His neck is burned and covered with gauze. He told me the worst burn was on his chest. His grafts on his hands look like the end of thimbles and this will smooth out over time. His left hand is not very mobile as he has pins holding fingers and tendons together at this time. Personally he looks like a miracle. He walks and talks. There was a hole where his traeche came out and that was a bit strange, but it just looked like an open hole... We quickly covered it upon realizing the gauze fell off... Maybe I make it sound better than it actually is, I don't know, but all I do know is he looked great to me.

His eyes paint the portrait of the journey. Ham has always been calm and in the moment. I asked him a million questions feeling like Oprah and he answered all of them. He says when he woke up he stared at his hands wrapped up and he thought, "I'm alive." He knows this has been and will be a long road. He spoke of working one day again and being back in his own bed. His stepdaughter is ten and they would not allow her in the room so he has seen her once. He did not have water or food until this weekend. He was so excited to get a hot dog and Mountain Dew!!! His eyes lit up when I joked that Blair had told me to bring a smoothie. It is neat to see him smile. He smiles when talking about all the people that love him so much and ask about him. I told him his guy friends are amazing. Blair, Cody, James, Lance, Chris, Kyle, Adam... all have been so loving and giving to him. His fiance comes every day from Plano after work to sit by his side.

He is the old Ham, but he is quite different. I spoke with his grandmother about life. I was telling her how strong they all were and she pointed out that I had been strong through losing my mother and had walked the journey. Quite a different journey, but tragedy somehow makes you face your own strength. Hamilton lost his dad when we were in high school on another note. He knows the journey. He has always lived with this calmness and sweetness in life. I felt my protective shield coming up. Talking about a tough journey with someone that knows it makes it very raw. I don't cry when talking about my mother, but talking about that journey is difficult when it's raw like that. Strength comes in so many forms. I told those women they are superwomen standing by their son and grandson taking care of him through all of this. I did not see the pictures and Ham has not seen them yet of him at the beginning. The women in the room get their protective shields when speaking of those first few weeks. My gosh, they are strong.

We don't know when he will be released. As of now it's about rehabing the hands and body stretching the new skin... and healing. His grandmother just kept saying prayer works... she is quite correct. Hamilton is so loved and God sure knows this. As I got in the elevator to leave I sighed. I had bounced in that room like I always do when handling nervous situations. I had talked and asked questions and put on a show. When reality set in it hit me. That was tough. Seeing your friend fighting so hard is tough stuff. He is strong and he is healing well, but the eyes don't lie and beneath that warrior is an ongoing battle. He's winning, of course, but it's the journey.

We Are An Army

2010-10-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

It's been a very strange week and tying it all together in one blog might be difficult, but here I go...

My town lost Josh Howell this week. I wrote a blog about it and it doesn't give him enough credit, but it has touched us all. Nick says I am sometimes obsessed with death and I know I can be morbid, but there are reasons why... I feel so much empathy for the pain of the family. Empathy so aggressive that it tugs at my heart strings. I know what it's like to lose people you love. And beyond that I know a lot of people and love a lot of people so it's both a blessing and a curse I will know a lot of people that pass away. It was very hard on his best friends and his sister is having a very hard time... but, from what I know the hardest pain comes when all of the excitement dies down and the people are no longer around you all day long. This is when they need us most. And we will all be there. That's what some people don't understand about being from a town of 25,000. We are an army. We love one another and we band together in times like these.

Let's go on to some good times...

Nick and I went to the Rangers game on Friday night. We had a really good time. I'm not a baseball fan, but it was a playoff game and it was history in the making. We lost badly in the end, but we had a good time during it!!! We shall see where this leads... None of our teams are doing so great. Here I am hosting the Red Raider Roadshow and we cannot seem to win! The Cowboys aren't so great... but, hey, to me it's a game... but, somehow to the world of men out there some of them just truly care. Nick loves sports and gets so involved so when they do bad he sure isn't happy with the team.

Today we hosted a fund raiser for Hamilton. We raised over 4,000!!!!!! He is doing so much better... with today's technology doctors say he will probably look like nothing happened in a few years... my gosh... he was third degree burned on 38 percent of his body!!! As of now he will get to keep his hands... and all of his senses have returned except his taste. He doesn't remember being electrocuted either... strange how our bodies and minds work, isn't it? I am going to see him thsi week. I haven't gone and I don't have an excuse. I was scared of the unknown. Cody and Nick say they may even go with me. Cody and some of the guys went up there this weekend. He is out of ICU and he can talk! I just didn't know what to talk about... but, my gosh, Julie, why be selfish when it should be all about him and just making him laugh? His fiance said something I wrote her on Facebook made him laugh and she was so happy to see that smile again. Lauren, Blair and Cody put together a great event and a lot of us Big Springers came out for it. Again... we are an army.

That's all really... I'm ready for the holidays to see my family. Holidays are tough at times. Traditions and things change. Growing up it was all grand and it was just the three of us and my grandparents... it was always small, but now we have Brenda's clan which makes me so happy, but sometimes I'd like to be closer to her kids. We just all have different lives. We also now have the Grays... we aren't married, but I count them as family... Maybe we can get married somewhere in the next 100 years? Believe me, I get tired of answering that question!

Let's pray this week is better... the Rangers game and shopping with Sarah Cohen was great this week and the fundraiser was awesome, but heartache was just sewn in here and there. It takes an army to make it through the world... thank God for mine.

Josh Howell

2010-10-13T19:31:00.000-07:00

My friend from high school, Josh Howell passed away last night in a motorcycle accident... Josh, his friend and his girlfriend were all riding separately home from Midland. Shane and Hayley stopped for coffee and Josh sped ahead. When Hayley got home she realized he was not there. They went back down I-20 and found him in the ditch by the Stanton rest stop. Apparently he skidded and lost control. They had all driven by him without knowing. I do not know if he was wearing a helmet.

I was always in love with Josh throughout high school. He was really cute and sweet. Saddest thing is he has a one year old, Marin. He loved that little girl so much. He and my best friend, Chandra are close and last time I saw him was at her wedding. Big prayers.

Behind the Microphone Afterlife

2010-10-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we figure out we aren't alone. Sometimes we figure out what we've been thinking for years is what someone else thinks right along with us.

I went to dinner with my friend, Linda Mares whom I reported with in Abilene. She left to move on and went to a few different places before being a reporter in Oklahoma City. At the table sat two other former reporters. Upon talking we realized we had all left the news business. I have talked before about us jumping ship... it all comes full circle back to my Dad asking me when I began that journey who at my station was age 35? Somewhere in the middle of it when you realize you don't want to climb the ladder to CNN because it is ridiculous... you jump off. I thought I was pretty alone in some of my thinkings about this journey... I was wrong.

Linda asked us if we ever watch the news. We all said NO together. Now, in Dallas I have four good friends on the news. I only know this because they tell me. I have seen them only once or twice on air. Why? Because as reporters we critique and we don't just watch for the news. We are watching for the story and seeing the mistakes. Now, the people that made it here to Dallas have that drive. But, what they don't have are families and I want that one day. They are darn good reporters and amazing people and they have worked very hard. Melissa did the ladder by leaving the state and finally finding her ground here. Jane had to go from Texas to Denver back to Texas. Desmond had to be let go by Tyler before they could see his potential in a huge market like Dallas. Kim kicked butt in every single small town to San Antonio to Dallas to make it up that ladder.

I realized in Tyler the next step had to be out of state because I wasn't ready for the big markets yet. We all have to climb that ladder. You think you go from Abilene to Dallas? Um no. It hit me that I was tired of running. I wanted to have holidays with my family and I wanted to be closer to my friends. I had no money saved and I was missing wedding after wedding and lifetime events... It was a losing battle. Working sixty hours a week... I wanted the life I knew as a child. Granted... this life is not as exciting and I'm not in the spotlight.

We all talked about what we missed. We all said the people and the stories and the camera. Of course. It gave me a sense of purpose that people actually cared about my story that day. I thought it was neat to sign an autograph... I mean, seriously? It was so much fun... but, it wasn't real. It was a little girl just chasing these dreams. We talked about getting out of the business and staring into the world and just not having any clue here in our late 20s what the heck we were doing with our lives. We are all scared to death. We are trained to report. Our hearts want us to report and our hearts want us to write, but unless your face is on a top ten market in the US then our heads cannot wrap around the math of it all. Unless we make it to the top of the ladder we are planted financially and socially in a sense.

It was like therapy to know I am not the only one. I miss it. Of course. I loved so much of that life. I also remember knowing maybe it was time to move on. I chose this. I was strong enough to move to Dallas not knowing my future and I chose it. I did it. I am proud of myself. We all are proud of our decisions and of the friends we have made and of our journey... but, it is all still very scary. You take a huge part of your heart and put it on the table. You stare at it waiting for it to beat because you have no idea how it will live now that you are changing its valves.

Red Raider Roadshow - Texas vs Texas Tech

2010-09-24T09:01:00.000-07:00

We had a blast at the Texas Tech vs. Tech game!!! We did not win, but we had so much fun! Check out Nick making a cameo in this version with his football knowledge!!! This is the best one yet!!!

Magic Eight Ball of Ten Years

2010-09-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

Casie, Me, Emily, Chandra & Landry at the pep rally

There was once this little group of teenagers sitting on a dock on their summer vacation. They were talking about the future and where they would be when they grew up... I remember writing five years after we graduated about what we had all become at that time. I was a news reporter. Lauren was in Marketing. Tracy was a teacher. Tara was an interior designer. Emily was an optometrist. I could go around the whole circle of each that sat in that conversation, but the point was we all grew up... Somehow. Maybe I still don't know what I want to exactly be when I grow up, but here I am... sort of... somehow... Some got married. Some had kids. Some just lived. We lost Sarah. Sarah who sat in on that conversation at the lake talking about her dreams of owning a bookstore, but somehow she ended up saving lives as a nurse... And there we went...

....flash forward ten years...

I must say before I even begin this journey that I cut my weekend into two parts. I did not attend many of the reunion festivities due to my commitment to Texas Tech...

I was very excited to show Nick the town I grew up in. My Dad moved away a few years ago and I don't go back too often. We flew in late Thursday night and got to spend time with Dad and Brenda just talking on the couch. Friday we got up and after a lovely breakfast headed to Big Spring. First I took Nick to my childhood street. It still looks the same. I pointed out my home... and that was it there... I wanted to break in and look around. I took him to meet various neighbors and enjoyed catching up with them. I then drove him far out to the cemetery. Quite awkward as she is not really there. I walked over to Mom's grave and pointed it out. Really... what else was there to do with it? He was very kind, but I didn't want to stand there and think about it... so I pointed out a few friends who had passed away and we walked around a bit...

The pep rally was a lot of fun. Chandra is a teacher so she had to go so she brought her baby girl up there so I got to hang out with Landry! There was a small turnout of us which I knew was going to happen, but it was good to see those that were there. Of my group of girls only about four were in attendance. Out of the guys there were only about three! That's okay... Then we all went to the float to ride! Too much fun!!! I saw a few people in the crowd so that was fun to wave and yell at them. Afterwards Nick and I met Casie, Ashley and Emily at Carlos to eat... yummy. We went to the football game, but it was not too eventful... We visited with a few people and sat with Brittany, Lance, Scott and his wife... One person I did see was my mother's best friend, Joy who lives in Austin... this is going to sound insane, but I kept having dreams of Joy and her daughter. Joy's daughter is on Facebook, but she is not so I prayed that somehow God put them in my life. It was her 50th high school reunion and she was back in town. We hugged for a long time and talked... Nice time.

Casie and I

Let's flash back... ummm... twenty years?... Chandra McBee Brooks

One thing that blew my mind is seeing a t-shirt made for the reunion. The names were of those we lost... And then I saw my Mom's name... and Brittany's dad's name... I was in awe... How kind... My gosh, how kind. See, going to Big Spring for events like this brings Mom to the surface. She was a legendary teacher and everyone knows me because of her. She was everyone's favorite teacher... and going back just brings that all out. I enjoy it and it hurts a bit, too. Everything in that town is her. Everything is my childhood with both my parents in my happy little life. We live a different part of the journey now, but when I go home to that place it is all still there. It's neat in a sense. She would have loved hearing the stories of everyone I saw ... Gosh, she would have been right in the middle of it!!!

Scott & Claire

We ended the night by visiting with my dear friend, Stephanie who is my "sister." A few years ago I wrote on and on about her horrific wreck where she was thrown from her sunroof after a diabetic coma and she lost her baby... Well, she is now working out and able to almost jog... My gosh, time does heal wounds. After crushing her ankle in pieces and breaking her entire body she is able to jog. God is there.

Saturday we headed to Lubbock for the Texas Tech vs. UT game. I was going to report for the Red Raider Roadshow so I was excited! We met up with Sarah and Brandon and their family so that was fun. Emily and Ashley came up to hang with us, too... After a bit Mitchell and I went into the crowds and did our interviews... We had a blast with the soundbites. We had so much fun with different people!!! After that Nick and I went into the game... We did not win and it was a long haul, but it was fun. For some reason we drove home to Midland afterwards... that was a brutally long drive.

Stephanie Brown Tettleton

Sunday we hung with Dad and Brenda all day. It was so nice. Dad took me for a ride on his motorcycle! Brenda cooked some gourmet food!!! Gosh, I didn't want to leave. I love being home with my family. We got to the airport and had a large delay and I was so excited to see one of my childhood neighbors, Suzanne who I had visited her family, but she was not there yet... We got to catch up and it was just wonderful.

I love going "home." Ten years... My gosh, I could write a whole book about this journey the past ten years. I thought as the young girl at the lake I would lead the same life as my parents. I thought I'd be married and have kids... it isn't like that as we all see. In ten years I graduated college, I lived in four cities, I changed professions, I lost my mother, I lost a best friend, I gained an entire family, my Dad moved from my childhood home, I went to countless churches... but you know what... I made countless friends, I grew up, I gained perspective and I walked with God... We don't know the journey ten years at a time. I have been through so much in a little time, but I am not a planted flower. As we stood in that gym ten years later and we looked around at everyone's lives we smiled... for we knew somehow we all had helped one another through the journey. Some of us had been friends since kindergarten. Though our lives took different paths our hearts were all planted in the same place and we had an understanding. As ten years has come and gone and I look back on those girls sitting on the lakeside I just smile as they are still some of my favorite people and though we are ten years older our spirits are still those little girls laughing and giggling about their magic eight ball of plans for the future.

Red Raider Roadshow - SMU vs Tech Game Watch Party

2010-09-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

My photog, Mitchell... He was a photographer and I was a reporter at CBS 19 in Tyler when we met!!! He is amazing!!!

Update on Hamilton

2010-09-08T11:10:00.001-07:00

As I mentioned previously my good friend since fifth grade, Hamilton Hartfield was electrocuted on Sunday. He works for Oncor and was working in Carrollton on a call. I spoke with his girlfriend today and she says the doctors tell her 38% of his body is burned - most of them third degree burns. He went in surgery this morning as they had to electric saw his left arm trying to save the nerves. The nerves could not be detected before the surgery and they want to save the hand. His arms are severely burned as well as his face and neck. One of his ears is pretty much gone. They do believe he has hearing as he was conscious upon arrival and was talking to them... They will have to wait to see if it affected his eyesight. As of right now he is heavily sedated and is on a ventilator to help him breathe. His girlfriend's brother says this could be one of seven to 23 surgeries. His face is very puffy and basically unrecognizable at this time, but the doctors are awaiting to see what the body does to heal itself. Any reconstructive surgery will come last on the face. His legs were not burned so this is where they will take the skin grafts.

Forgive me if I am not 100% on the details. I work where Hamilton lives so I spoke with his girlfriend this morning and I know Kyle has been relaying information to the guys so I have been getting some hearsay... The family says sometimes they are not quite sure of all the details as well. He is at Parkland in Dallas in critical condition at the burn unit. They say we are welcome to visit... I will go up there either later this week or next week... Maybe he will become more coherent as right now they are heavily sedating him as well. I will continue to pass on information.

Ennett, his girlfriend, asks that we pray as much as possible. Spread the word and just keep praying.

Labor Day Weekend

2010-09-06T17:33:00.000-07:00

The holiday weekend is quickly coming to an end. It was so nice and actually too short.

Saturday we went to Shanna and John's wedding in McKinney. It was a very beautiful outdoor wedding. Nick's entire family was there so it was good to all hang out. Shanna had everything in pink decor. I fell in love with the wedding cake... I took a picture somewhere... hmmm... might need to find it.

Nick has a signature pose during football season so this is sort of a joke... Guns Up... because I get very angry when he ruins my posed pictures with this!!!

Sunday was the first Texas Tech game of the year! Since I am hosting the Red Raider Roadshow we went up to the Addison Alumni Watching party... We interviewed some crazy folks and got some really really good answers. I hope it all turns out well! Tech won... which I wasn't too worried, but Nick was about to flip his lid. He is very serious about football!!!

Today I spent the day entertaining myself by cleaning and getting ready for Fall. I got new patio furniture so I sat outside and chatted on the phone for a while. Nick's mom and I hit up some sales and came out with some good things. She is a true bargain hunter and I sure don't know how she does it! She can find the sale item in a heap of things!!!

Dad and Brenda are still on their two week roadtrip leaving Yellowstone tomorrow headed into Idaho and back down. They are truly enjoying it. I think they've about covered the entire US in their five year marriage!!! They sure do love to travel! We have barely gotten to talk due to cell phone reception so our daily chats might be three minutes!

I'm trying to smile, but one of my best friends might be going to Heaven. I thought about not mentioning it because it is easier to just "not" talk about it and I don't want to seem a gossip that "knows" everything... My friend, Hamilton went to school with me since Gifted and Talented Class in fourth grade... he now lives at one of the properties my company manages... He often comes up to the office and hangs out with me... Well, he was electrocuted on the job with Oncor and is in critical condition. His insides are burned and his face and body have third degree burns... He is having surgery tomorrow, but they are unsure he will pull through. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met... my gosh... sickens me... I guess at this point all we can do is pray. I remember in high school Hamilton's dad passed away and I remember asking him about the funeral... I said, "So, how was it?" I didn't know what else to say... He taught me a life lesson right there when he gently laughed and told me there was no way it was... it was a funeral... I have a lot of good memories up to this day with him and I just pray for his entire family as they face this storm.

As the weekend comes to a close we get ready for that Fall weather to hit... I guess I'm in the mode already... Let it begin!

10 Years

2010-08-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

10 Years ago...

My cousin, Jaclyn preffed KD and Tri Delt last night at Texas Tech... I have told her the entire time to keep an open mind and just go with her heart... She did choose KD tonight as number one and we shall see... but, hearing her accounts make me laugh knowing what we all know now about Rush... She was a bit worried that all she saw in the KD parking lot were BMWs and Lexus' and in Tri Delt she saw more down to earth cars... I laughed out loud and said, "Jaclyn, it's all a show! They aren't really like that once you get in!" I remember telling the girls with the best cars to park in the driveway... this for Jaclyn who is one of most beautiful down to earth girls in the world this is just overwhelming as she doesn't want to associate with people who think they are higher than everyone else! I just laugh to myself knowing that in Rush every sorority is trying so hard to outdo one another and get the best girls that you just put on the best show possible... I told her if she does go KD that she will find some of the most big hearted, sweet and good people and she will forget that during Rush she thought "we" were just beyond perfect.

On another note from all I have heard this past year or so KDs are growing and growing and are one of the best on campus. I always felt we were a young sorority being established on the campus later than most and we had to truly make an impact. Jaclyn said during Rush she saw this impact in all of their philanthropy work and she could see the Christian base. This warms my heart to know we were all a part of this. I told Melissa Perley Land that when she was Rush chair I felt there was a change. Instead of depending on rushing the most beautiful girls it became about getting not only beautiful, but well rounded leaders that could carry our chapter. After hearing about the chapter in the past year I know she started a trend that is in place today. These girls are just amazing. Wow... I have enjoyed diving back into the world through a young college girl's eyes... I know we all miss those days... I miss that excitement, but as I told her - I found some of my very best friends... and some can say you pay for your friends, but I'll tell you this - after the thousands I... errr... my Dad paid... we didn't pay ENOUGH for the gold I found in that big ole house on Greek Circle!!!

Red Raider Roadshow - DFW Student Sendoff

2010-08-20T12:32:00.000-07:00

This is the Red Raider Roadshow's first webisode. It was an insane day as I didn't have a red dress in time so I just went stylish and the colors are totally off!!! Mitchell Patton is amazing as an editor, producer, photographer and director of the first episode. He makes me look good! This first one is only a preview as the season will get better and better with the excitement of football! We are focusing on alumni relations!!! We already have a few sponsors and can only give thanks to God for more!!! It was fun to be holding a microphone again, but I was a bit rusty... It will be like riding a bicycle by our next show at the SMU Dallas Alumni Watching Party!!!

Never a Dull Moment

2010-08-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

They say summer is gone, but I beg to differ. The air outside is thick and hot. I love it like this, but I am getting a bit tired of it. When even Julie Adams cannot lay in the sunshine due to miserable heat then it just might be too hot!

Let me tell you about my insane weekend. Friday night was the best in the world. I met Jana, Jordan and Stacy at Uncle Julios for a girls night. We had such a good time talking and laughing. We then went to Stacy’s new apartment and just hung out for a while. It is so important to have strong girlfriends. We may be married, single or dating – no matter what – we need girl time. We took a few great pictures, but the only one Jordan gave me was this crazy one below where we are being funny. I think I was attempting a strange face, but it looks like I am just gritting my teeth. Love them.

Saturday I am getting ready to lay out with the girls when my phone rings. Mitchell, my old photographer and now new director for Red Raider Roadshow says he is on his way. I am like, cool, we are shooting a promo tomorrow… he is like, Julie, are you ready? Our story is at 2…. I totally forgot. This was the first story for our show… OH DEAR. I went like a tornado to get ready. So when I release the story on the web you will need to understand why I have on a cute green dress instead of a red one… no time!!! We went to the DFW Alumni Sendoff and interviewed a bunch of kids and parents… so fun!!! It was so great to hear their stories. I felt so old and just wanted to turn back time and be going to college!!! This time TEN YEARS AGO I was going through Rush!!! Oh my gosh!!! Mitchell is going to edit the story and put it in the Tech websites this week so I will be sharing it… who knows what it turned out like… I felt a bit rusty!!!

Nick and I got me a new big screen and mounted it on my wall yesterday. I was so proud of it (We sold mine for $200 and the man sold this new 37 inch wall mounted one to me for $275 – so $75 out of my pocket!)… until my phone bit the dust and I had to throw out another $100 for a new phone… thank goodness I was able to sign another contract and get that discounted price… but, I don’t have hundreds to just be throwing at technology!!! Maybe I should have been easier on the phone before… but, God knows I am so clumsy and either run into walls or ram my technology into the ground! It’s very annoying!!! I’ve been in this mode of updating things as I can and just getting things here and there. My dad taught me that you cannot buy things all at once. You have to get things as you go. When he and Mom first got married they were right out of college and lived in an apartment. There was no way at that time to buy your entire furniture set! I’d love to be able to buy everything new for my room at one time, but I just wait and get things as time rolls and I am able to do so. It’s just a process of growing up and changing things as you go. I will never rid of my Mom’s chair. It reminds me of her and I enjoy to sit in it at times. So there are some things no matter what you just do not rid of… Another thing – this HUGE teddy bear of Mom’s… he is ragged and sad, but he sits in my closet! Some things are just plain meaningful!!!

Summer summer summer… don’t leave me yet…