A God Day

Sometimes God stands right in front of us and we actually see Him.

Today was my day off so Nick decided we were going bike riding. We met at a park and got on our ghetto bikes. He has a cool bike and I was borrowing one from his mom. Not the best, but it works!!! We rode down to White Rock Lake. It was so beautiful. The lake was so peaceful as we watched the waves sit as the ducks glided over them. We rode over to a dock and sat out on it for quite a while. I stared at the beauty. The wind was a bit high today, but the sunshine felt great on my shoulders. There were so many people out enjoying the spring day. The thought did cross my mind wondering why the heck all of these people weren't at work though! The sky was perfect and all of the trees seemed to smile. I was just in awe. In the middle of the bustling city sat a quiet haven of comfort and sunshine.

Later I met Jana and Brittney at Ra's Sushi at the Legacy shops... I don't think I have seen Brittney since college. She is so sweet and so much fun. Jana has always introduced me to the most wonderful people. I am horrible with chopsticks so the girls gave me a crash course and I actually used them!!! We had some wonderful tuna rolls and other types of sushi. We talked for a few hours and just enjoyed our time together. One thing that made me smile is Brittney was asking about Nick and Jana said that in this day and age she is so surprised we women can actually find that nice of a guy to call our own. What a compliment! Brittney spent the last year in Korea and is finally back here for a while so we will all stir up some trouble this summer I am sure! They say they are going to pull me by my teeth and make me have fun!

Well, I must speak about Granny Jac. Today two years ago we lost Jackie Adams to a heart attack. It was a blessing as it was truly God's timing for many reasons, but she is still such an inspiration to me. She raised my Dad who is a stellar man and she never stopped living for a minute. She was always going and going. She loved church and she knew God very well. She loved me more than anything in her world... besides Dad! She gave me the shopping gene and she gave me the crazy cooking gene as well! She was such a beautiful woman... She lost her mother at the young age of sixteen and raised her brother and sister along with her dad and grandparents. Every time we spoke she told me how special I was to her. She always told me to work hard and never give up in life. She told me that though she was over 80 that she could outwork just about anyone younger than her. She mowed her lawn almost every day and she vacuumed just the same. She loved a clean house... I don't believe I got that gene. Granny Jac was one of the strongest women I have ever known. Here's to you, Jackie!!!

Weekend

I'm beginning to wonder if it's ever going to get warm, but I'm just smiling that atleast I see sunshine.

I never want the weekends to end. I just want to play all day. Saturday morning I ventured out into the realm of crowds because Nick's mom wanted me to pick up Granny some bedding at Stein Mart. Yes... the 12 hour sale is like Black Friday... only better! I raced to two different Stein Marts to find her this particular bedding set and then wait in line for twenty minutes to get her a $30 comforter set - it is worth it because it was the best cost for a beautiful comforted set!!! I didn't get to shop for me an Easter outfit yet. I love Stein Mart for Easter... they have cool colors and I love their shirts! I left to meet Donna and Chrissy at the mall for some shopping!!! Girl time!!! We had a really nice time and hit up some great sales. The boys were back at the house working on their new boat like they had just gotten the best gift at Christmas. They were so proud. We all met up at Nick's later for a BBQ and to just enjoy the night. We had a really great time just hanging out.

Today after church I met my cousins, Nolan and Bryce at an Indian restaurant. I was looking at all of us and just smiled to myself. We are beyond different, yet we are blood. Our grandfathers are brothers and their dad (who passed away ten years ago from cancer) looked a lot like me and my Dad. Grandaddy and O.R. were very close as I remember as well. Bryce is a few years younger than me and graduated from Yale. He is now working with politics in Austin and loves to travel overseas to places like India and Korea to just study and hang out with the culture. He is very Democratic and liberal. Nolan is 21 and has lived the life of an old man with all of his stories. He has long, curly hair and a lip ring with punk rock clothing. He has been to alternative schools and tried to rebel, but at heart he is a sweet kid who really isn't bad at all. He's in college and just bought his own house and has two cats. I try to tell him he isn't a punk rocker like he wants us to think... I see through him. He's a good guy at heart, but he loves the attention. The brothers are night and day, but they still get along... because we're family! I had a good time talking to Bryce about his recent trip to Korea. I like to hear about all of the different cultures and such. He said over there they serve horse and it is very expensive. Some restaurants even serve dog though it is illegal. Bryce is a vegetarian... I don't know why... I think it's all the trips he takes and sees what people eat. We lost our parents in the same year so I have respect for these boys/men as they were so young. It's been interesting to see them make decisions as they have grown up. Their mother fully stands behind them at all times. I've even watched our family as Nolan made a few bad decisions... they stood behind him knowing he would grow out of it. I love families because we are all mixed together in the same blood or the same brood, yet many times we are so very different. Different doesn't mean you love any less. It's one of those things that only God can explain.

As I sat listening to the sermon today about a mustard seed growing to be a tree... I thought about my recent post about God working in my life. I thought of some more things I would like to work on and want to speak to God about... then I thought about something else I want to talk to God about in life itself... and then I began to worry it might be too much. When is it too much for God? Should I talk to Him about it all at once? Is it like boom boom boom... like, okay, let's work on Julie's positivity. Now her selfishness. Now her pride... Is that how it is? Or is it working every day and maybe I don't know? I mean, I've been a Christian for most of my life and I'm still not "perfect" ... so, does God just always work and mold? It's just a scary thought because what about those times when I feel far away from God? Is He working then? I think so? Right now I am trying to live my best life. I just try to be a good person and I try not to be selfish and I try to be positive and I try to be faithful and I try to be humble... man, it's hard to remember all I need to try to do each day... :)...

Now it's back to laundry. I bought a new white skirt and accidentally turned it pink tonight. After two soakings and washings in bleach I am going to check it again... I'll never be Donna Reed... that's for sure!!!

Lessons Learned

Hello Diary. This is how I began many of my diary entries as a child like the diary was really listening to what I had to say. Life has been a whirlwind lately and I am loving it as always. Nick bought a boat so that means a lot of fun for us this summer. I am very excited. I just love that feeling of being on a boat! We have a jam packed schedule with weddings and showers and such, but I'll figure it all out. I don't like not being busy!!! It is my fuel!!!

The family came in last weekend from Tulsa and Lamesa for Gena's 44th birthday. Gena and David brought their 16 month old son, Dawson. Precious!!! He is like a little model with these long eyelashes and puppy dog brown eyes. D'Layna and Donna also came from Lamesa. Layna is my protege as I have said before. I love her like my own. She is ten years old... getting on up there!!! I sat with them and just talked for hours. Then Friday night Layna texted me about eighty times trying to lure Nick over to see her!!! He finally caved so he sat with the ladies and talked for about an hour!!! D'Layna just loves Nick!!! I'm so proud of that little girl. Being with family is like being wrapped in a warm blanket. I cannot describe the feeling.

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I spoke with Donna... who is like the Dalai Llama... funny thing, my cousin, Barb who was there is President of Dallas Psychiatric Society... well, the advice Donna gave me was just as good! Having wise and smart in the same room is wonderful! I spoke with them about my dreams about Sarah passing away. I've lost a lot of people in life, but strangely I really only dream of Sarah and Mom. I'll keep their answers private, but I also know it's okay to have the dreams. Donna watched me grow up so hearing her speak of my mother makes me smile. I have so many questions at times about the way I am... She told me my mother wanted to please me so much and just wanted to make me happy. Sometimes she would buy and buy things... I wish I could have just learned I didn't need material things for happiness. My mother was never materialistic, but I was... Donna says even as a child I wasn't affectionate and everyone would just love on me trying to make me lovey dovey. My parents loved on me a lot as well... I just was stubborn and tried to do it my way. It's interesting to hear I was stubborn that young. I'm affectionate at certain times. Nick says it's funny we both aren't outwardly affectionate. I don't usually hang on people or hug for long periods of time. That's weird that I don't, but it's just me. My mother was very loving and my Dad is very hands on and just loves people... so I'm an odd bird in my family.

Not much else has been going on but work. Work, workout, TV, computer... sounds good to me? God has been teaching me a lot lately as well. Sometimes God has to almost knock me down for me to understand. He did this when teaching me patience, pride and about anger. Now He seems to be teaching me positivity. I can tell. The way I can tell when God is trying to talk to me is things pop up everywhere about that subject. It's a very hard journey. With this positivity lesson I have been tested in confrontation twice in the past two weeks. One time I blew up and got it all out then cried and everything was fine with the person. I was scared to death to confront... and now it's all positive. The other I just chose not to dignify with a response because life is about more than small lemons and I didn't confront and it's all positive. I'm learning how to be positive and not worry about the rejection that leads to negativity. Not worry about the "what ifs" of everyday life... Much easier to write than put into life. When God taught me about pride and forgiveness I ran and ran. I didn't want to stop. I was annoyed God would want me to forgive those that ripped through my heart; thus, using my pride. Finally after I gave in and did what He wanted and after I dreamed about it a billion times... I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I don't feel much. I don't feel anger when I am angry. I needed to learn to FEEL IT. Instead of bottling it up and exploding like I do. I am always too happy... but, in reality, we do get angry at times. I had to feel it and know what it was then conquer it with perfect love. God is always working on me and molding me. Grandmommy says even at her age God is molding her. He never stops. That is a good thing.

I'm going to bed now, Diary.

Green Glory

This weekend I felt like I was both in college and very old all at the same time.

Friday night we had such a fun, yet strange experience. We all met up for Kelsey's 21st birthday party. It's a weird traingle of who knows who here. Kelsey is marrying Matt's best friend, Blake. Matt is marrying my sorority sister, Keilly who is Kelsey's sister. Matt is Nick's best friend. Does that make sense?! Matt met Keilly through my Facebook then introduced Kelsey to Blake one weekend. So did I set all of these people up in some weird way?!! Blake had us all surprise Kelsey at Fedora in Downtown Dallas. Nick and I decided not to go with the group in the limo because I'm old and don't stay out until 2 AM... So everything on the menu is over $20 pretty much... Nick decided to get him a goat cheese and chicken pizza and I thought it was just too late to eat at 9 PM... Kelsey and Blake's parents got us bottles of wine and champagne so I figured that was enough... When the bill comes to my table which sat ten people it totaled $750... umm... So the waiter says it's cool if we all just split it. WHAT?!!! Nick had a pizza and a beer... that doesn't equal his part... He was about to fall over when Keilly, who is very outspoken, told the waiter we weren't cool with that. She and Matt both ordered the steaks... while Nick and I had a measly pizza and the oldest Shelton sister and her husband ordered two $100 bottles of wine!! Finally we all got out only paying for our food and somehow each got a portion of the appetizer plates we thought were free! Overall, it was wonderful food and service. We got to get all dressed up and surprise Kelsey. I didn't take any pictures, but I hope someone has them... It was a night to remember!

We joined the crowds on Greenville for St. Patrick's Day festivities and it was so much fun. We met Andrea, Jana and Ian at The Village and thought we'd be fine if we walked... Yes... after a mile there and then another mile trying to find Jana's friends... OUCH. The sun was actually out and it felt so great on my bare shoulders! The parade was really neat and we had a good time just hanging out and watching other people. It was like Spring Break in those parking lots... I don't drink beer, but there were people doing keg stands and playing beer pong. I felt like I was in college again. For a second. Then I felt really old because I thought they were ridiculous. We made our way down the street to Desperados for some good Mexican food. We had a really nice time even though we were fading at this point. The sun was going to our heads. We wanted to meet other friends in Lower Greenville, but Nick and were so beat and we were going to his parents' house for dinner so we decided to join Ian in the treacherous walk back while Jana, Andrea and her boyfriend all got a taxi. I don't know how we walked the two miles home. My feet were falling off because I was wearing sandals and it seemed soooo long. I'm so glad we went though. I hate feeling like I am not in college anymore... Even in college I didn't like some of that stuff... Old soul yet again. I had the best time just hanging out. I don't have to be entertained at the parade. Jana and Andrea are two of my very best friends so that's all I really need in those situations! It was so neat to see so many people come together to watch a parade and have fun in their green glory.










I fell asleep at 10:30 PM last night on a Saturday night. I'm a wild one. But, I played hard all day so it's okay. Nick still had me raking leaves today and washing my car! That boy never relaxes... and really, neither do I! Here comes Spring!!!

The New Decade of Children

I honestly cannot figure out how anyone over the age of ten has lived this long. Tonight Hayley and I went to Buy Buy Baby to look for the hostess gift for Chandra's shower. First off this store is ridiculously huge. I was in awe just staring at all of the teethers that line the wall. The clothes are so adorable that I want to buy Baby Landry a million things already that she will grow out of in a month. We made our way to the strollers and there are a trillion different kinds. The nice man showed us around and undid the outside so we could see the special padding in all of them. Huh... special padding? I sure didn't have that! One is to have a walking stroller for the mall, a regular huge stroller for everything and maybe one to jog the kid around in as well. Ummm... I remember pictures of me in my pretty little blue stroller happy as a lark without padding surrounding my head! I don't know if I can ever have kids after being in this store with so many choices. I would be paranoid already and then on top of it homeless from buying out the store!

Ahhh back to my little happy life... Poor little Neimyn, Nixyn, Hilton, Arden, Andyn... ahhh whatever my child's name is... just doesn't have a chance! I'm just ready for St. Patrick's festivities this weekend so I can see everyone downtown and enjoy the fun times!

Oscar

I call The Oscars my Superbowl. I just love it so much. I have my acceptance speech and everything! Growing up I always wanted to be an actress... then I decided I'd just be a local celebrity and maybe win an Emmy as a reporter. I loved being a local celebrity and I loved even signing autographs - let's backtrack quickly - I signed TWO in my four years as a reporter! Sometimes I define myself so much in that and I miss it so much, but right now at this point in life I knew if I stayed a reporter I would not have much of a social life and I would not make much money for years and I would be far away from my family. Sometimes even as a Christian I forget what is most important in life and I only remember how much I absolutely love the limelight. Some can have both, but it comes with years and years of sacrifice and moving from state to state. Four of my friends; Jane, Melissa, Desmond and Kim are on the news in Dallas and it took them giving up so much of their lives and moving four times before getting here; Jane had to go to Denver, Missy went to a few different states and got fired and then laid off at another station, Desmond was let go in Tyler, Kim went all around Texas before landing here finally... Wow. Right now I choose my life. I dated an actor right when I moved to Dallas. He told me about this commercial and that commercial and this Indie filming and that horror film... He had to wait long periods between work ... and who knows if he will ever "make" it? I had an epiphany that ever being an actual actor would be insanely difficult. Here I am still wondering what I will be when I grow up? I could still win an Oscar... but, I'd rather feel love around me.

Anyway...

Life has started to be very busy since Spring is finally beginning to swirl. Jana moved back to Dallas and I have gotten to see her a lot lately. It's so good to have her back as my sounding board!!! This weekend a bunch of my co workers went out for dinner for Brittany's birthday... so fun as we laughed for hours. Last night we went to BlackFinn for Justin's birthday and sat outside by the fire. I loved it. As the cold weather wears away it seems we all come out of hibernation. I just don't look that pretty in the winter!!!

I've been working on some blogs of inspiration, but they haven't come together yet. I didn't write a memorial on Mom's anniversary because it all seemed to swirl together in the wrong way and the words just seemed like I had used them a million times before. For right now I will just say the day was hard and it will always be hard no matter how many years. Nick made me a fire and we sat and talked in front of it. I'll explain it all in my blog when I can get it together in the right way. The date cannot define me. What defines us? That is the premesis of it. I don't always remember Mom because it is often too difficult, but today I had a funny memory I would like to share... Nick and I were at church today... I remembered after Sunday School so many times Dad would be at work and I would walk out to see Mom patiently awaiting for me to go home as often I got out before their class. We would go through the drive thru usually at Long John Silvers then go home and watched the shows we taped from Friday night! It just made me smile because we had this fun ritual. I always make Nick go eat with me or like today we went to Wal Mart and bought things to cook. It's a ritual! In my family you read the newspaper after church... but, with us we don't get the newspaper so we just talk about the sermon. Church is a family ritual that can go back for centuries... Just the way it makes you feel with the ones you love... See... This is why I choose my life. Don't let me forget that when I whine that I miss news.