Loving It

I keep talking about Spring like I've never seen it before. I am truly enjoying it.

The last week in March is Grandmommy's anniversary, Nick and I met, and Granny Jac's anniversary. Emotional a bit. But, it was all good and I had a great week.

This week one of my best friends, Wendy came in town from Houston. She took me out for a night at Truluck's. We had such wonderful food. It was so nice to just sit and chat. We don't get to see one another much. We met when she was 20 and I was 23 when we reported together at KTAB/KRBC so we have been friends for a very long time. She lives a very lavish lifestyle going to all of the ritziest places and dating NFL and NBA players so it just makes me smile. I so don't live that life, but it's fun to hear about. She just bought a house in the suburbs so we shall see how her life changes! She has a great heart and we laugh way too much. I went home remembering why I love my friends so much. I think we all get caught up in the day to day activities and sometimes just forget to go out and enjoy life with friends.

Thursday I went to happy hour in West Village with some of my co-workers. We laughed the entire time. Such fun gals. They inspire in every way, just good, amazing, smart women. Everyone I work with is pretty beautiful and stylish so in my old age I've taken on a new style instead of just being dressed up all the time. I've become more trendy and fun with my style. I love it. Getting old isn't so bad.

That's life. Last night Nick and I celebrated his big promotion with dinner on the patio at Brickhouse. We just enjoyed and hung out. Then we went home and had a glass of wine and some Vanilla Wafers on his patio. We met four years ago this week. Weird to think. We have grown so much since then. You really do grow a lot in your 20s. Lots has changed over the years both good and bad around us. We didn't start dating until April 29th though so give us a while to get to our anniversary! I get tired of people asking when I am getting engaged. Heck if I know. We just got back on our feet after a bad year last year so while it's been a good past few months, life doesn't work like magic all of the time.

The spring is adding up in greatness. This weekend is poker night at Matt & Keilly's, next I am flying home for Easter and am SO EXCITED, then Nick's family reunion in Brenham, then a friend's birthday bash, then a charity function in Addison then that takes us into May for Nick's birthday party... golly geez... loving it. As of right now I am looking outside and it is so pretty and I am thinking of taking a jog... though I am a bit lazy! I'll think about it some more!

Playing Tug-Of-War With God

It's been a year since you flew to Heaven. You wanted to go for so very long. I felt as if I was playing tug-of-war with God to keep you here. You lost your husband and your daughter and you just wanted to see them again. There were times I looked at the phone wanting to call you, but I don't have Heaven's number. Funny how people say they didn't get to say goodbye. I said it every time I hung up the phone. Funny thing there were no words left unsaid. I asked you everything I could think of about your life. There are things now sometimes I want to ask. You told me stories about growing up and during the war and all about Mom and Mike. We didn't talk much about Mom because it made you a bit sad, but sometimes I would get you to tell me stories. You told me stories about my Dad because they made your face light up. He was like a son to you. You taught me a lot of things about loving others and not getting involved in taking sides when people divorce. You taught me that the older generation didn't exactly hate gay people like they always think. You loved your neighbors and you didn't care they were lovers. You knew the Bible so well and you lived it.

For some people grandparents are just grandparents. For me, all of mine were special and close to me. I loved when you were in a good mood and I could make you laugh. It was hard at times because you sort of gave up on living because your soul was so sad. Everyone around you was gone but Mike, Dad, your niece Lynda and me. I tried to make that enough, but I knew it just wasn't. Selfishly I wanted to keep you here forever because you were a friend. You prayed for me and I felt it. You always gave Dad and I a fresh Coca Cola even though you knew I hated the calories. When Granny Jac said I couldn't have her costume jewelry, you racked through your closet and gave me handfuls. When I was little you would hand me the JCPenney catalog and I got to go through it circling the toys I wanted. Grandmother Rae always got me the expensive, pristine dolls when I just loved Barbies and Cabbage Patch Dolls; Granny Jac got me the craziest gifts that she truly thought I'd love; and you got me exactly what I loved.

The days before you passed you called me a few times. We talked about you living to be 119 and you said there was no way you wanted to do that. The last time I saw you I hugged you and you were so tiny. I felt as if I would crush you. I knew it wasn't that far away. You would have hated if you had to pass away over a long period of time. It would have broken our hearts as well, but your soul wasn't happy here anyway. Mike will say you were so happy and you were healthy. I wonder how I could prepare better than him. I knew in my heart. I don't dream of you much because I think I accept it. I don't dream of Granny Jac either because I am at peace with her going as well. I didn't know Mom well enough yet, we still had many years. The one thing I can be sure of in my acceptance is she loved me with her entire heart. I wasn't mature enough to show her the extent of my love. Sarah was a true friend and I wasn't ready for her go. Truly, are we ever? The laughter and love she brought to my life is hard to find in the real world. She knew I loved her very much. I always told her she brought something special to my life. They are in my dreams.

You said in the limo on the way to the church when Mom passed, "This too shall pass." We know. We let the pain of you passing leave us, but we will always remember you. Dad loved you like his own mother. It's weird dealing with the business as I step into Mom's shoes. I know you would just want me to be happy. You always sent me money even though I had a real job in the real world, but you always felt as if you were helping me and that warmed my heart. It feels as if you left me these things so you could continue to protect me. It's never about things. When I visit the house, it is nothing without you there. When I visited it growing up every single time you stood at the door to greet us. You gave us hugs and we happily walked in where you offered us chocolate and soda. Weird that the last few times I visited you, sometimes you were not at the door. I knew in my heart then. When I picture you in Heaven I truly smile. You are so happy with Grandaddy Bill, Mom and your family members. That's what I love to feel about you. You are free and having a blast. I hope you think of us at times. We are here enjoying life!!! Though I still look at the phone to call you, a smile soon breaks across my face thinking you are with your family having a blast.

Spring Sprung

Spring seems to be here once we reach March. This weekend was cold and rainy, but if I recall it seems there is always a cold and rainy time just when we think it is Spring! We celebrated Nick's brother's 30th this weekend with a limo trip out in downtown Dallas. Not my cup of tea, but it wasn't my birthday! Nick and I have things planned for every weekend until the end of April!!! I think there is one weekend free... and another I might go home!!! Other than that... wowsers... It's exciting!!! I sure do love warmer weather when it feels as if we are all hibernating bears that awaken for the fun. The koala exhibit opened at the zoo today... hey, I never have to grow up, that's my sort of fun. I would take that over a limo trip to the Ghost Bar anyday!!!

Let's talk about current events and other things.

I watched the Whitney Houston family interview with Oprah... So yes, I liked her music, but I didn't watch it for her. I find it interesting that her daughter is the same age I was when I lost my mom and Whitney was the same age Mom was when she passed away. As Oprah interviewed the daughter I found myself transported back to that time. I found her just a little girl just like me dealing with her mother's death. I remember all that she was saying and how she dealt in that first month. Yes, we live very different lives, but when it comes to a loss like that, there is not much difference no matter how much money or fame you have... or I guess that her mother was supposedly on drugs... it's still a loss of her mother to her. I had been annoyed when the press kept asking how she was blah blah blah because lots of people lose their parents at a young age. Then I realized it was just this weird feeling that I felt close to that situation and it almost made me feel it again. I remember that first night and the laughter you miss and the voices you hear of her in your head. It is very interesting to me.

I've been a member of the 30 club for a few months now. It's funny because I actually feel a little entitled and scared at the same time. As people reach this club they understand. On one hand I am proud to have survived the 20s, but on the other hand I shriek wondering if I am doing okay with my life. The strangulation of that thought of should I have 2.5 kids and a picket fence and ohmigosh now have to get that by 40. Then it hits you that you just have to enjoy the day. I see friends at my age suddenly getting divorces. My gosh, I have been to so many weddings I cannot count, but out of the 9 weddings I have been in, two have divorced already. The weddings I have been to I can think of 5 off the top of my head that have divorced. No, I'm not afraid of getting divorced, but also I am glad through the past few years I was not married with all of the insane ups and downs. If I fast forward without thinking it scares me thinking where will we find a place and how will I trust myself not to spend our money on dumb things and how will our animals live together... it gets overwhelming, but ya know what... I also know things fall in place as you go. Houses come along and things come together. Nick suddenly starts buying new furniture and ridding of old things and those worries fly away. They are dumb worries and as Dad says, he and Mom started with basically no furniture or anything. They were a lot younger, but atleast we have things to bring to a home one day. We just have to modify those things to best fit our needs. Plus, things are things. As long as you are together enjoying life it shouldn't matter. Maybe that's where some couples go wrong. They take one another for granted and cheat, or grow apart so far they don't talk about it, or just fall apart. Being in the 30 Club, left and right friends are losing grandparents. That part is just not good at all. Tough stuff for us. I went to a birthday party of my best guy friend turning 29 and the highlight of the party was the two-year olds in attendance. And people showing off their dogs on their phones. It was a blast, too. See, I find this a blast and not a night out in a limo at loud bars. Do I have an old soul or am I just smart?