The only way I can understand anything in this world is by writing. I feel deeply, yet I show minimal emotion. My emotion is my writing. First, I will address the shooting massacre in Colorado at the Batman movie. I feel anger as I read just how he got his hands on the guns, how he got inside, blah blah... come on, you know what I care about, I care about the fact he gunned down a theatre of people! Let's move past how this or how that... Anyone can get their hands on anything. Sitting here I can take my pen and stab someone with it. I can make the scissors innocently sitting in my drawer and turn them into a weapon. But, I don't. Here is the disconnect. Some people aren't wired with ethics.
Such an interesting topic to me. Last night as I prayed I began by telling God I was going to be selfish for just a moment then get to the "real" stuff. I told Him about my day and about the things that were bothering me. Then I got to what I know is real. Stephanie Hammond lost her husband to cancer when she is pregnant and has a two year old. Aaron Landenberger is married with two young children and now has cancer in his brain and liver. Lauren Littlefield was able to hold Holt after being told months ago he had a 50/50 chance of living and he is turning into a healthy little boy. I know what is real. I lost my mother. I lost family members. I went through things. Sometimes I still want to pray for the little things in life though. Who knows if God wants to hear it.
I've been talking a lot to friends about spirituality lately. No one claims to be right or wrong. We came to the conclusion if you believe in a higher being, you are already ahead. I grew up not knowing many unbelievers. Now the thing that has surfaced is more about religion than non-believers. I grew up Baptist, but who knows if everything I live is exactly how God wants it. So there was beer at Cody's Episcopalian graduation party - is that so wrong? It is according to Baptists, but not to me (well, I don't even like beer, but you get my drift). People can believe exactly what they want to believe, but the heart of religion is really God and love. That's all I need to know. Barbara Walters interviewed all of these different religions, and the only one I totally disagreed with was the Muslim. Is Scientology a true religion... because if it is, I disagree with it because I don't think they even have a God, unless it is the planet or something. Don't ask about Mormons. Because I like the way they live their lives purely, but so don't get some beliefs. Even the Buddhists made sense with their calmness and love... not so sure about the reincarnation thing, but to each their own. And, you can say you live exactly by the Bible word for word, but you tell me don't yoke with unbelievers. Okay, I understand, but another friend said, then how do you bring people to Jesus? Believe me, I've hashed it out with unbelievers before going over so many things in the Bible. Maybe one day they will see my way. But, who am I to lead? I fall every day. I worry every day, I tell God I am pretty angry at Him on some days. I doubt... but, on another note, I was told it is good to ask questions because you get closer to Jesus this way. I lead by example... errr try... People asked me, Wow, you never cuss or drink or talk bad about people. Um, have you met me? Ha... seriously, when I'm angry ya just never know, the drinking thing - ah I don't really like alcohol, but it doesn't mean I don't like a martini at times, and I gossip like a sailor... some days. But, they saw these good things and see me trying to lead by example. When we get to Heaven I really doubt we will be split into groups. Granny Jac was hardcore Church of Christ and she would tell me now I'm not going to Heaven because I don't go to her church, but I bet when Baptist Grandmommy got up there, Granny Jac was a bit surprised. Then they all danced a jig and hung out with the angels. Oh wait, dancing is prohibited in some religions. Point is, no one can know who is totally right or wrong until we get there. So just live by the light of God to your best ability.
