One day in 50 years we need to look back on these posts as a reminder of what all we went through during the pandemic. I'm sick of it. I'm tired of living in fear. Yet, if we don't live in fear, we open ourselves up to death. I'm mad that it's taking so much from my children. Let's just dive in...
Walker doesn't learn about church in school. I'm supposed to be a good parent that teaches my children about Jesus. I have such fond memories of growing up at church. We were just getting plugged in to our church here when this all hit. So, we'll try to keep on praying with him and trying to remember to tell him Bible stories. It's not the same as real church. My church is too big here. We just cannot safely attend yet. I know they are opening it soon, so we shall see.
This stupid thing is messing up our holiday plans. Will we see Granny at all? She turned 90, and we didn't go because we were afraid with the boys in school to give her anything. She also says she would rather get the virus than be lonely. Selfishly I want to see my dad and Brenda every chance we can. I know we could potentially take this to them, and that scares me to death. Same with Nick's parents. It makes me angry. Our Fall and Winter is usually packed with fun events. I see some popping up here and there. What you have to realize is Carter is too young to really wear a mask, and I can't have him running around at events licking things! I trust Walker. The usual October full of fun festivals is now peppered with little pumpkin patches and maybe a trunk or treat. I think we will still trick or treat at certain houses. Nothing looks the same.
School is crazy. I feel so disconnected from Walker's school. I've joined the PTA and Site Based committees for our virtual meetings. I've met some teachers... not many. I grew up knowing all the teachers. It's important to me. I want to be involved on a fun level like I'm one of the students. I don't even know what Walker's room looks like. As for Carter, I got to volunteer one day. I'm on the Board at his school as well. I wanted to protect those kids and myself when I volunteered so much, that is was very stressful. I spent a lot of time figuring out the right mask and the right clothing... I cannot imagine what teachers do each day thinking all of these things.
Here's my equation... it feels as if every time we walk out the door we risk being "shot." You're dodging bullets everywhere. The worst thing is these bullets are invisible. We can try with all our might to dodge them, but we still might get hit. I don't go to a lot of public places. I go to some randoms stores. I know I fail at times with protecting myself from germs. AND, this is the time we usually get colds and sinus infections. It just happens. There's still normal sickness out there.
There's another thing I have a problem with... It's like bingeing. We do great for so long... then we crash. We had a party for the boys' birthday, granted it was outside in bubbles which are soapy... but, that was playing with fire a little. It's tough to live in this bubble. We want to keep safe, yet we need to live. It's a fine line.
I planned to go back into the office somewhere doing something... writing, social media, communications... whatever is up my alley. Easier said than done. I'm just a number and name in a pile now. Everyone wants or needs a job. I want to feel more productive. I freelance write a few articles a day. This isn't making me a good salary, but it's something to help. I love the social aspect of work which I don't get at this time. Working remote would be cool as well, but there hasn't been an opportunity. I love to write for companies freelancing so I'll do it all day, but it doesn't give me the production I want or need.
So here we are. It's quite the norm to see everyone in masks. I never thought about trying to figure out which masks work best. For me, I'll live. For my kids, it's not cool. Carter won't remember, but I don't want Walker missing out on things he will remember... like Halloween events, big birthday parties, amusement parks, festivals and Sunday School at church.
I know one day it will all be different. It might be far away. I do enjoy the time with my family. We love laughing and talking with friends so it's hard not to go to patios at restaurants a lot. We enjoy our time hanging out with close friends and our family. Still... this corona needs to fly away.
