I'm Not a Cowgirl and I'm Not a Showgirl

 

 I'm obsessed with Texas. Or maybe I'm just obsessed with what it represents to me... bear with me...  Oh, I wasn't obsessed when I lived there, but now I must shout out where I am from anywhere I am. The way I know this is I am always buying Walker Texas clothes and me Texas clothes. I always fought against the stereotype of horses and guns, but when I lived there I never understood the pride. To me, truthfully it isn't about Texas the state. It is about Texas, where my family and many loved ones reside. The state printed on a piece of clothing is simply a portrait of my loved ones. I'm a big family girl. I just am. Living in Dallas I shouted to everyone I was a West Texan at heart. Oh, I still am. My family resides in West Texas and I am so very proud of that. Being many miles away is tough on the soul. We have amazing neighbors and wonderful friends in Nevada. This is what fills the soul with its own chicken soup, but there is a still a hole that yearns for visits when you want visits and a quick trek to visit best friends instead of planning that trek. The 2 hour time difference is strange. The strangest thing is now fighting the stereotype of the new land. That we don't gamble all day or play on the Strip. I'm not a cowgirl and I'm not a showgirl. Both of these lands are filled with good people and sunshine. No stereotype needed.

 

 

Interesting Conclusions About Newborns

I've come to some interesting conclusions about newborns.

Why do we even really have a changing table? Most of the time we're putting Walker on the couch, the floor, basically anywhere we can put a blanket under him and throw on a diaper. The changing table is pretty much there in the morning and at night for us to put him in new clothes and while we are there throw on a new diaper. We could probably put him in new clothes on the floor and life would go on.

Speaking of changing him, why do people buy pee pee tee pees? I've been peed on multiple times and I lived. Sometimes I even remember to put a wipe over him.

New words in my vocabulary: nose frida and gripe water. I have both and don't know if they live up to their hype just yet!

Burp cloths can be basically anything. Many times I won't have a burp cloth nearby so I just use my tank top to wipe off whatever I need. My husband thinks I am crazy, but I'm in my workout clothes, not too worried about them getting dirty.

Sleep deprivation leads you to talk in your sleep. Nick has many conversations that don't make much sense.

You never really get mad at them even if they are screaming at you. I just smile and think it's cute.

The wooby pacifier is a lifesaver. Walker is so in love with his frog. We got him a monkey and elephant, too, but he must always have the frog.

You would think we are putting him in a torture chamber when we change his diaper. He screams at the top of his lungs. I wonder if one day he will just chill out and enjoy it.

My child sounds like a gremlin after eating. He makes crazy sounds and moves around like Gizmo. Gizmo wasn't supposed to eat after midnight and my child eats all day and night.

Car rides and stroller rides are magical sleep machines. Walker will be screaming and once he gets to rolling, it's sunshine and lollipops.

I wonder why diapers are so cute? I get excited when I put him in a really cute diaper print and boom, have to change it in the next five minutes. If you are going to go through them that quickly, let me use an ugly diaper!

Newborns bring a special kind of love into your life.  That's why we buy all the crazy high tech gadgets even if we never use them and try in every way possible to ensure their life is amazing at all times!

Babies are pretty perfect.

Looking forward to learning more each day!!! 

 

Time Travels Too Fast: The Parents Visit

The back porch is just a little quieter and the hummingbirds don't have their usual audience this week. All of the parents have come and gone making it seem like time is traveling way too fast. Dad and Brenda were the first to arrive and stay a week. Brenda cooked and cleaned up a storm. Early mornings they would take Walker on the back porch and just enjoy time with him letting me sleep. Dad and Nick went to town to the car museums one day and Brenda and I did a quick shopping trip one morning. We had family ice cream outings lugging Walker along and sat by the pool basking in the sun. At one point everyone was in the pool (except Dubs) and I just smiled to myself this was my idea of peace, of fun, of family. The same feeling at family reunions, Christmas gatherings and times when family is together just laughing in one place. I wanted to hang on to these times and not let them go home! It was great to just hang out. Brenda gave me amazing advice on babies as we learn as we go! I told Nick not to call my dad Grandpa when talking about him because my Dad to me is young and Grandpa ain't cutting it! Nene and Papa Mark are so in love with lil Dubby. They helped in so many ways, mainly with just love.

Nick's mom and dad had to come separately because they were at their house in Ruidoso and had nothing to do with the dog. Dianne arrived and instantly fell in love. She, too, cooked and cleaned... we told her numerous times to just take a break! Each morning she took W out to the back porch, watched the hummingbirds and sat with him. Jim came as her flight took off and we knew as the man he might not be cleaning as much! Nick was just so excited to hang out with him and just relax. They did little projects and again, we did a lot of sitting on the back porch enjoying life. We enjoyed a pool day with him as well! (W was right inside with the monitor!)... The week began winding down and it was time for him to go. It was so hard to say goodbye to everyone. It was like this time I kept waiting for, wondering how it would go, waiting and knowing it would be special and then the week came and went as time goes by... and just travels way too fast...

So here we are. Our little family figuring it out. The great thing is we both talk to the parents all of the time. It's not the same as being in the room, but it's special. Our parents are our heroes. I wish I could put into words what all of this and what all of them mean to me and to us. It cannot be found with words. Walker is so lucky and blessed to be in this family. We may not be a huge family, but the love of each side wraps around us and shines brightly. Time cannot slow down so we absorb each minute. We take nothing for granted. And we just keep thanking God this is us.

First Day Home in Swing

Back Porch Sittin'

First Bath

I made it a week!

Walker Dean Gray's Birth Story

I was over waiting for Walker. The days seemed to pass slowly as I sat by the pool just waiting for him. Everyone said it could be a week or two. I awoke Sunday around 11 PM with sharp pains. I wondered if it was a fake contraction as I read way too many forums discussing such a thing. I awoke almost every hour in pain. Around 3 AM I even took a shower just to get away from it. I told Nick to go to work as there was nothing to worry about, but he had me call the hospital to see if there was any worry. The hospital along with multiple friends said this could go on for days. I wasn't prepared for days of this kind of pain! So I took it all day and just chilled out. By that night the contractions might have been 8 minutes apart according to my phone app, but I figured it was just normal. I decided to wash my hair and shower just in case... but, I thought I was crazy. Nick finally decided it was better to go get checked than die of pain... if there is such a thing? 

It was past 10 PM so the emergency room nurses have to wheel you down to the maternity ward. I wanted to walk! I gave in as I thought they were just going to turn me away... We got there and the nurses thought I was their 10 PM induction so they sent me back to a room. They started talking to me about procedure and I got excited thinking I was getting induced! They then realized I was just some crazy lady and gave me water saying I was probably dehydrated. The on call doctor came in to check me and said I was at a 7 so I sure wasn't going home tonight. He asked how I tolerated the pain all day because I must be strong. I didn't know any different! So they set me up with an epidural and on we roll...

The nurses throughout the night were amazing. Of course, we called our parents on Texas time waking them up. I also began texting loved ones all night, and some even responded at midnight... while others once they started getting up for work responded! They told us to sleep a few hours, but we were too excited. They put me on my sides throughout the night stating this would help me not have to push as much as the baby does most of the work. I sure was thankful for that! I was very calm and just took it as it came. The doctor finally got there around 6 AM and they began bringing in nurses. They were worried about meconium in the lungs so there was extra staff. From there it went pretty quickly! They brought him out, put him on my chest and told Nick to take pictures! Nick talked to him a minute and then they took him away for all of the business. We then got to hold him and enjoy him for an uninterrupted hour. It was precious time. 

It was such a wonderful day and such a blessed event. God was found in every area that day. Walker Dean is just perfect to us. Happy and healthy! We spent the first day cuddling with him, talking to family and friends and just figuring things out. My parents flew up and were the first family to meet him. I could see the gleam in both of their eyes! It meant the world to me. So from this day of birth a new journey begins for both the Adams and Gray family. Walker is blessed by so many people that already love him. 

Walker Dean Gray

6:27 AM

July 21, 2015

20 inches

7.2 pounds

Mommy is already crazy

NeNe & Papa Mark

Papa Mark

Freefalling Control

This is a picture of my cousin jumping off a dock a few years ago. It illustrates the feeling of freefalling without control of where and when you hit the water. It's an interesting perspective on life in itself. It never stops spinning.

I haven't sat down to write in forever. Maybe because I'm too afraid of saying the wrong thing! I try to stay away from any topic that would illicit opinion! We've almost been in Las Vegas for a year so there's lots I have learned in that year. I do know there is no place like where you call HOME. I call Texas HOME and in my heart it is where I belong. For now we belong in Nevada, but it's been a journey! We enjoy many things about it and have friends, but the place your heart calls home never leaves its space. It's toughest to live in the different time zone, to miss important events in family and friends' lives, to feel so far away, to drift from people and to get closer to others, to explain your strange accent to locals, to explain I don't own horses and shoot snakes for fun, to not be able to drive a few hours to see family... there's little things and big things. There's great things about where God has us at this time as well... amazing neighbors, a great preacher, always being outdoors, always being active, many parks to roam around and places to shop, the small town feel, the beautiful mountains... many lovely things. Change is hard on me. My mind reaches out to catch things that are changing and I freefall.

God has been working in my life about control. I always want to control things. I prepare for what I cannot control in case my control doesn't work. I try to be faithful in my need to control, then things like floods come perishing entire families and I'm left dumbfounded. You cannot say or do anything in this circumstance. If Nick goes for a bike ride I cannot control his turns. I cannot control where my parents will travel on their motorcycles. I cannot watch Nick's parents on my personal monitor to make sure they are okay at their mountain house. Easy to say, tough to do. Worrying about our children is just another realm. Letting go of that control that I have over their breath and their movements means letting God take over. And then I stand beside wondering what He is doing. It's all about baby steps in this journey. Life is often about freefalling and losing that control. Not only in change, but in everything we do. I have no solution and I cannot say I've totally let go of the reigns because it's a daily battle. There is not enough preparation in the world to ever understand what we cannot.

Freefall. Almost impossible.

2015