Deny or Be Dinner

Lions kill by suffocation. They don't even rip apart the skin until the victim can no longer breathe. Knowing this it is a wonder that anyone would want to jump in a lion's den. I'm referring to the story in the Bible of Daniel and the lion's den. If you don't know Daniel survived being thrown in the den all night when God sent an angel to shut the mouths of the lion. That's the short version anyway.

No one wants to get in that den. We are thrown in by some happening in our lives and we grasp at the air the entire way down. Somehow we are to just put that blind faith in the fact God is going to keep us alive and someday we are going to get to climb out of the den and face the sunlight once again. Sometimes it sure seems dark down there.

At church they asked the children what they feared the most. The answers ranged from aliens to darkness to elephants stomping on their head. The crowd giggled. I yearned for that innocence. When do we realize the bigger fears of life? But, being in the middle of that fear in that lion den it seems fear fades somehow into strength because you just have no other choice. If a tree is about to fall on my head I will probably muster up the strength to run really fast away from its wrath.

Deny or be dinner. Daniel was put in the den because he did not deny God. So it puts up a strange correlation that in that den I wonder are we in there because maybe God wants to teach us a lesson. Deny or die in another term. Letting that evil part die off? If one is to deny the lesson they will eventually die from the evil root anyway.

I've heard it said a thousand ways that God has a plan for us. Sometimes when I look at the lion's den in Japan I fall to my knees and wonder where this fits in the plan. There is no comparison of fear when it comes to aliens versus a tsunami killing thousands of people. I cannot wrap my mind around it so I chose to just keep walking and holding on to that faith that it has to be in the plan for reasons I don't understand. As a reporter I always emotionally distanced myself from tragedies. Of course it tugs at you, but for me it shields me somehow.

So the lion's den might be a different place for many people. No matter what it is the constant is the gnashing of lions' teeth and the roaring around you. How we choose to deal with it is our choice. Deny or be dinner. Run or learn. Crouch or survive. Letting the lions suffocate you is only an option when they eat your faith. And, you must remember they cannot eat your faith because angels will close their mouths and allow you to survive until the sunshine peers into the den once again.

West Texas Sunset

The West Texas sunset ran across the sky as I quietly drove over the plains. Each time I come home it is as if a blanket is put over me and I can get away from the hustle of life for a few days. There is a place my family lives called Welch, Texas and each time I go there I feel as if I am so far away that no one can touch me. It's good to get these escapes from our own realities as it is a type of medicine.

I flew to Midland Thursday night to spend a few days with Dad and Brenda. They had a day of fun planned on Friday! Brenda and I went and had manis and pedis that morning. I love it! Then we ate at Fazolis because we don't have one in the Metroplex... Then Dad took us shopping for a few things here and there. It was a beautiful day so we got on the motorcycles and took a little spin. Then Brenda and I took a walk around the neighborhood. Seems so simple, doesn't it? I loved every minute.

Saturday we attended a seminar by Gary Chapman. He wrote a book I have called "The Five Love Languages." Come to find out the seminar was more of a marriage enhancement so I felt a little dumb, but I learned a lot to tell Nick. My love language is affirmation and you have to tell me you love me and tell me with words. Nick likes to be shown affection by action. You mow the lawn or do his laundry. Dad likes quality time where you sit down and talk to him. We learned so many things. The most important thing is trying not to change people. Trying to love them and changing flaws instead of the root of the person. Love is SO STRONG. Though it is strong it is also something we must nurture and grow. We have to work on relationships because if we don't then they will not grow and they will wither away. It's about being positive to our significant other and not tearing them down each day. It's easy to tear someone down, but it's harder to just love them and be positive each day to build them up. I also learned it's okay to feel emotion. It says in the Bible God got angry... something along those lines. He made our emotions. Overall I learned a lot to take with me and definitely thing everyone should attend some type of seminar of this sort.

Brenda & Gary Chapman



I went over to Big Spring today to visit Chandra. I grew up there, yet it's so different now. I went to the cemetery... Not see Mom like you'd think... I did go by her grave and again am annoyed there are not flowers. I thought in a grave owned by people and not the city they put flowers in the holders! I am going to have to decorate it myself!!! I told her hello and that I knew she wasn't there so I felt pretty dumb. I walked around for 20 minutes before I finally found Sarah's grave. I wanted to visit it forever, but I couldn't find it. I don't know if or why, but somehow my mind needs some closure. I have dreamt her for almost two years as she comes back and she was never deceased. I don't know if this means I don't believe or understand she is gone. When I dream of Mom a lot she is back from the dead and living again... but, she is also about to die again or run away. It's very strange... but, that shows my mind believes she is truly gone and maybe we are always trying to keep moving? Sarah has always played a trick on us or was in hiding. So I stood there just talking to her. There is a picture on her grave and she looks so beautiful. I know she isn't there... but, still... I told her how much I always loved her and how it makes me so sad to think of how special she was to all of us. I told her I was sorry I didn't answer the night she called... the night before she passed away... I had answered every other time, but it was the middle of the night... I love Sarah so much and I always will. She was the light in every room.

I then was driving to Chandra's when I saw Howard and Vicki working on Stephanie's new place so I stopped in to have a chat. Stephanie was walking out the door to go get Trooper so we all talked for a while. My oldest friends in the world... so very special.

I hadn't seen Landry since she was a few months old. She looks just like her daddy. He was out so Chandra, Landry and I hung out for a few hours. We watched "Baby Can Read" - ummm yes... the baby is the boss and she wanted to watch it! She is almost one year old now!!! She was crawling around and I enjoyed making her laugh. She has these huge blue eyes and dark hair... adorable. Chandra has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We had a great time just talking.





As I drove back that is when I saw the sunset. I would love in Dallas if we could see sunsets and stars. I beg Nick one day somehow we get to move to the suburbs of Dallas so it feels like this setting. See, I never take it for granted. I know where my roots are and I know though I have wings that have taken me away from here my roots will never be cut. It's weird coming to Midland as it is not my hometown and that is a good thing because with who I am as a person I needed that cut from me. It was hard to go home and absorb all of those memories for so long. I needed to grow as a person by my Dad and Brenda moving away. If they would have stayed in my house I might not have grown?

It's been a wonderful vacation and soon it will be back to real life. We all must return because... if you think about it... even on the beaches of Cabo San Lucas one Spring I remember knowing soon I needed to get back to reality and gets things done... We cannot stay on vacation forever. The idea sounds nice, but the habits we do each day of laundry, DVR, feeding the cat, checking our e-mail, hanging up towels... deep down these keep us alive just a little bit. They humanize us and they bring us back to earth. The funny thing is... That sunset is there every single day no matter where we are. We just have to find it.

The Inevitable Journey

A child was born ten years ago on February 26. Their world was filled with light and happiness and a new beginning. Ten years ago on MY February 26 life engulfed me with darkness and pain and a new beginning. It is the cycle of life. It never stops... even when we ask God to make the world stop spinning.

Ten years without my mother symbolizes much more than just a day. I look back on the journey in awe. A decade is a long time, yet it is a vapor. Dad said he wonders at time what life would be like if February 26 had not happened. I dream about it and I yearn for my mother. I have many substitute mothers, but sometimes I wonder about HER. Through wondering about her somehow I realize her health had never been stellar and she might have had a long and painful journey. Instead God took her away with a heart attack. It had to be God's way because none of us in our right minds would EVER think she would go that way. Heart attack? Women at 48 in fine condition don't just fall over one day. She had gone to the doctor that morning for strep throat. Women don't pass away that way. Dad says he went over those weeks in his mind over and over again. What didn't we catch? Nothing we can remember. Why? Probably because that was God's plan. Not ours. For years I blamed myself trying to think I could have saved her by calling earlier or acting earlier and making them go find her earlier. No... That was my plan, not His. If I would have been a better daughter and not a bratty teenager maybe she wouldn't have been stressed out ever and she would've lived. But, then I have to remember... At age nineteen aren't we all acting that way? I have to make myself understand it wasn't me that killed her.

Ten years holds a lot of road. In ten years I have graduated college, lived in Abilene, lived in Tyler, jumped off the bus of the world of television into the unknown and landed in Dallas. I've gained a stepmother, a stepfamily, a new home to visit. And those are the big things... if I was to list the small feats I could publish a book. I've traveled by myself. I've walked down the aisle as a bridesmaid eight times. I've been broadcast to thousands of home as a television reporter. Somehow I did it all without her. For a few years I felt like I was keeping Dad alive. He was so sad and trying to find his footing. We went through some very difficult times. With my pride and both of our stubborn attitudes it was hard to show those emotions. I was sure because his other half passed away that his heart would break in half literally... I didn't know how to keep him alive. Somehow... he lived. He found Brenda and he got married. Years ago I cried out to the Lord to just help my Dad find someone special. How "God" is it that after 29 years of the same person beside you... you can allow yourself to open again? That's God. Dating is scary and an interview time and time again. Yet, Dad found Brenda. To see him smile again and to hear his laughter is something I cannot explain. He began to live on his own. She helped him live again. She brought that smile to his face.

Looking back to ten years ago as I got the phone call that changed everything I look at that young girl. I had wisdom that I didn't understand and found strength that some never knew. That doesn't change in ten years. Everyone is going to lose loved ones and have to walk that new journey. Walking that journey is easier than going through life alone so it's inevitable. It's a choice to make whether we walk along with our loved ones knowing the road will fork and we will have to go down the dusty path or we walk alone in the darkness feeling nothing in our world. Looking back on this journey I would rather have her here, but since that is not an option I would rather enjoy it and take in the light God gives me.

Along this journey I am no superhero. Many times I stop and look up with my hiking boots resting on a large rock. What are you doing now, God? Come on, man... He beams sunshine upon me and commands me to keep walking because I may be lost, but He knows exactly where I'm headed... So with that command I grab ahold of those walking beside me and around me and trudge forward. My boots make imprints in the mud and the sunlight warms my shoulders as I know from experience lightness and darkness can be all on the same path.

An angel, a lady full of wisdom or a lady full of wine

God says sometimes we entertain angels without realizing it. I'm not sure if I entertained an angel, a lady full of wisdom or a lady full of wine... but, I had an interesting encounter last night. Jordan, Stacy and I were enjoying our conversation last night at Happy Hour when a lady asked if she could interrupt. She was extremely kind as she approached us. We were talking about the professional world and our hopes for it. At our age it's strange because none of us have kids and we can do whatever we want in the world... go wherever we want... but, where do we want to go? She was telling us we needed to ask ourselves what we truly love to do. She said it is very hard. I always ask myself this question. If I could do anything... I would write. Now... making money at writing is almost impossible, but I love to write. She then just spoke directly to me and asked me what I like to do. I shyed away and told her I love to write, be with friends and talk to people. She asked why I was shy. She then told us it was so easy to give compliments and give advice because we are in control. When we receive we lost that control. I nodded my head. She explained that when she walked outside God told her to talk to me. She said eyes are the windows to the soul and she sees something very special about me. I was beginning to wonder if I was in a dream. She was not crazy... She was very normal... The weirdest thing is that I truly needed to hear that. She saw something in me. I know God has plans for me as he has plans for all of us, but it's complicated at times. Nick keeps telling me to remember blind faith. Wasn't I the one who wrote the poem about blind faith? Don't I need to remember my own words? Anyway, she ended up hugging each of us and walking back inside. I don't know if she was an angel, but it was such an interesting thing. People are just neat... I mean, she came up to three strangers and just spoke to us and spoke openly about God and she had no idea we were Christian. She also spoke to Jordan about a sermon at church (the thing I mentioned before about giving and receiving) and strangely Jordan had been talking earlier about thinking she was going to back to that church after she heard the same sermon! The lady had no idea we had been talking about that before! God is always working. Even when we cannot seem to hear him. I keep asking Him just to talk to me and asking if maybe He is angry with me? Maybe this was His way of talking to me.

Ken and Barbie Collage

I made this slideshow for Valentines Day on my new editing system... It took a bit to make, but it makes me smile! We had a nice Valentines! I made a large chicken caesar salad with a side of carrots for dinner. We snacked on Girl Scout cookies sent from my family and then Nick ate his weight in candy as I had set him up a candy buffet. Instead of roses he got me a stuffed animal because I told him growing up Mom would always send me stuffed animals since everyone sends roses.

An English Lesson

I'm a West Texas girl. I live in Dallas, but my roots will always be in West Texas. I say this as a precursor to the new things I have learned this weekend regarding different cultures.

Nick and I came to Houston to see Tony & Katie's new house. Katie's dad is in town this week from England. I have told a few stories about how much I enjoy learning Katie's roots. Katie's dad, Gordon has taught me so many neat things in the past two days. It's also very interesting to me how people that aren't in the US or in Texas don't understand us. Gordon wonders why there are so many pick up trucks. Why don't we love soccer as much as them? Why do Americans love baseball? Mr. Moore tells me stories about eating with Charles and Camilla at Buckingham Palace and how his stepson was served tea by Prince William because he was a higher authority than William in his position. He shared a girlfriend at one time with one of the Rolling Stones. I was just rolling in learning all of these things. I was saying how I would hate to live too far from my family and he tells me he has kids in Houston, France, England and Australia. They basically live off of Skype and talk via video chat. It is just so neat.

Mr. Moore told me I have the thickest American accent he has ever heard and it is often hard to understand me. I told him what is funny is that when I did television news I could make my accent disappear by speaking low and in intervals. I did my TV voice for him!

Other than my English lesson... We have been enjoying our time in many ways. We are attending the Mavs vs. Rockets game tonight as Tony is a Rockets fan and Nick is a Mavs fan. We got to meet all of their new neighbors while we were out barbecuing in the backyard.

I smile in the fact I am a proud West Texan. No matter where I live I will always hold those roots close to my heart... and even enjoy the accent!

Magical Snowman

We were able to venture out into the world this weekend after being iced in all week. I love the snow, but the ice seemed impossible. On Friday when the snow finally fell upon the ice I knew Nick wouldn't be going into work so he would just have to play with me. I went over to his parents' house because he couldn't get to his house in Plano either and we enjoyed the day. We took the dogs on a walk through the icy streets as I fell a few times! Shiner loved the snow so much that he begged us not to go back inside. We decided not to make a snowman because I found out last year it is lot harder than it seems! We played and threw the football and tackled one another. I watched some children down the street and I felt the smile spreading across my face. As a child it's so fun to have those days of snow when all you care about in the world is making that snowman. It's another realm of magic. Even as adults it's the same feeling.

It's funny how God works. I always think of February as Valentines Day and Mom's anniversary of her death. This month has already been a whirlwind of new beginnings and exciting adventures. God brought the snow and the Superbowl and life in itself and I don't seem to focus on those other things. We did miss Andy Pettitte speaking at church this week because of the Superbowl though... Better get that back on track! Seriously... Dallas held the Superbowl here so I volunteered to work for Nick's company, StubHub... It was spectacular and a lot of fun. We got to meet some of the athletes and enjoy time with all of the employees. At the end of the day we were all zonkered out, but it was a good time had by all.

Back to the snow day... We decided that night to go out to Matt & Keilly's house and have dinner, play board games, etc... We took their dogs to the playground and Keilly & I both found we were getting too cold so left the boys to play football in the snow and came back to the cozy house. We played a game of Loaded Questions when they got back in and just had a ball. I'm quite competitive so I'm not sure Nick enjoys playing against me.

Snow is in the forecast again tomorrow. I think God is smiling down on us! Snow brings a world of magic even if it only lasts for a day. For that one day we forget our cares and we are like children just racing to build that snowman and make that snow angel.