Uncertainty

I don't have too much exciting or insightful. Today was my day off and it went great. It was so very relaxing and the only thing missing was sunshine. The weekend seems like it was years ago since I worked this weekend. Friday we took Nick's family to eat for Mother's Day out on the lake. It was so much fun. And Saturday night after work I think Nick and I literally just chilled on the floor listening to music and hanging out because it was quite cold outside for us.

Sunday's sermon was interesting. It was all about uncertainty and being someone's parachute in that freefalling time. I've had so many times in my life where I was just falling with no net just scared to death of the outcome. It seems to always work itself out... usually. It is essential to have good friends and family in those times to help us through the falls. Right now Nick is going through a very tough time and it is very tough to stand beside someone in those times because they aren't going to be sunshiney... but, I also know I do have that title of being the person with the net to just be there. Even if it's just listening to music and talking about life. Everything is uncertain and that is very scary. Lately my mind will try to skip forward a decade or so and I worry about who is going to die and what is going to happen, but I have to remember that God will walk with me and prepare me without me even knowing it. Life is uncertain... but isn't that why we have God? I wouldn't want to know the next minute...

Well, my good friend since I was born, Emily's father passed away suddenly this week. I don't remember meeting him and I'm not really sure of the circumstances of her divorced family, but I do know they were close. She was telling me she didn't know how to feel because she didn't want it to be wrong... I told her shock is the best stage and once that wore off that she was allowed to feel however she wanted. I hate when people tell me I don't have enough emotion. You deal with grief your way and I will deal with mine my way... Emily is about to graduate from Optometry school and become Dr. Simonek... It's weird how God works. He waited until she took all of her tests before He took her dad to Heaven... It seems to be more than coincidence.

Life the past few weeks after the drama has been pretty normal. I have had a couple of nightmares about Sarah, but I know that is the way I handle things. It still makes me pretty sick because it's real now. I had a dream she didn't go to Heaven, she told me she was staying here because God wouldn't let her in... It was ridiculous because I know it's not true. My mother had a dream her dad told her she couldn't have his phone number to Heaven because her brother needed it more... I don't understand dreams, but I know it's just my mind figuring it all out. I dream about Grandaddy sometimes just because I wish I had known him longer. I don't dream too much about Granny Jac and I think that is because I was just at peace with her passing... And... it seems over the years I've been to so many funerals... starting with Mike Marino, Gatlin, Meagan, Aaron, Antwoyne in high school... Derek, Spencer in college... ugh... insanity... but, I know a lot of people so with blessings come the curse and I wouldn't change it for the world. I love people.

I'm not unhappy and the dreams are okay... It's just a part of me. I'm thrilled about spring... I love to hear my Dad talk about their garden and I love to see the flowers. Nick has cut me fresh roses the past times I have been to his house. They smell splendid. Now it is finally off to bed. I took a late nap... hmmm... I think you are supposed to take naps on your day off? Oh... and I have found the invention of the CrockPot and I think I will cook every meal for the rest of my life that way. Yep, it makes my food tender and yummy. My mother rocked at cooking... so does Grandmommy... so I have it in my genes... let's hope I didn't pick up any of Granny Jac's burning or freezing genes... oh well, she could atleast whip up the best pecan pie on the block.