Love Plants Roots

 

Taking care of a tiny human is one of the hardest tasks God ever gave us. I am in awe to think there are bad mothers out there because this responsibility, this blessing, is not something anyone should do lightly. Every single thing I do I wonder if I am furthering my child's future, if I am stimulating him, if I am doing something that will screw him up, if I talk to him enough, if I am making him have manners... etc, etc... And I'm not even one of those "crazy" parents that does every little thing in the perfect way. We let him stay up, we let him watch the lights on the television, we let him touch the cat and dog without a care in the world. We aren't perfect and we are okay with that.

I fell down the stairs last weekend at 4 AM with Walker. I just slipped down a few and he bobbled in my right arm. He started to cry so I was sure I gave him brain damage. We called the on call doctor and he told us babies are rubbery. I was scared I hit his head. He said he would have a bump if so. I watched his every breath. He seemed just fine. I was the one with bruising across my back and a bloody elbow. See, I am a very clumsy person on my own. Now I have a human to take care of and that's very scary!!! How do we keep them alive?

We make it look easy in photos. He's always smiling and laughing. Each morning when Walker wakes up he gets dressed and we snap some photos! It's just fun and he giggles and talks until he's tired of it then he gives me his mean voice and I know he's done. One day he will hate me for it! The photos aren't snapped when he's screaming and crying so loud none of us can hear! My kid is happy, but he is also very forceful when he is unhappy! We do our best and fix the issue, but we still have no clue what we are truly doing! Our parents seem like superheroes because we turned out okay! My mom snapped as many photos as possible with the instant cameras back in the day. The polaroids! She was just this perfect mother in my eyes. Dad says they felt the exact same way we do though so that gives me comfort to know we are on the right track.

So I as I sit by my son he is snoozing, probably one of his tiny 20 minute naps since he hates long naps, in his little bouncer. If you read articles they say bouncers suffocate babies if they aren't sitting in the correct position so I check him every few minutes. He sucks on his wubby pacifier which articles say will screw up his teeth. He seems pretty happy to me right now in this moment. It's hard and it takes a village. One thing we do know is Walker is surrounded by love. He might not see his grandparents weekly or get to see our best friends in Texas and their kids all of the time, but he is loved. They see him on social media, texts and even FaceTime. Neighbors buy him ornaments and cute little outfits just out of pure kindness. He gets kissed on cheeks on both sides by Nick and I. We stare at him, sing to him, make crazy noises, tell him funny stories and dance around just to see him laugh. He sure is one loved little kiddo.

So perfection is thrown out the door. We try, we fail. We know each thing we do is molding his tomorrow. Our parents are in their 50s and 60s still molding our tomorrows. We never grow out of it. Love is love. Love plants roots and grows no matter the age. That's all that matters.