In last week's blog I spoke about kindness. The girl in topic did pass away. I was blown away. She was 28 and seemingly healthy before pneumonia and ARDS hit her. Now everyone is pulling together to wear our pins, sit together at the funeral and do a memorial fund for her two little boys and husband down the road. Again... amazing... the human heart.
I noticed people asking me how to deal with things like this. Some have never lost people. It doesn't bother me to help others and I like to try to heal hearts. I don't say the words most people do and I never spice it up to sound like everything will be fine. I am a bit strange that I am 29 and can do this. For me it is a part of me. It isn't about Mom passing... I was always like this in a sense. They thought when Grandaddy passed away I just didn't understand. Maybe I didn't, but I think God made me for this reason. In doing the math I realized I have been to 23 funerals. The outline... Immediate family: Mom, Grandaddy, Rae, Granny Jac, Grandmommy. Extended family: Judith, Joe Bayless, Kitty Ben. BSHS & Tech Classmates: Gatlin, Derek, Spencer, Sarah, Antwoyne, Meagan, Aaron, Melissa. Friends' family members: Papa Curly, EC, Mimi Carol, Grandpa Gray, Granny A, Papa Annen. Neighbors: Bill. I do go to support others that I love to some. There will also be very many in the future as people lose grandparents and parents close to me. Ugh! I do like to help others so it's okay.
Everyone deals with things differently. I was fearful after going through tough things I would have a calloused heart because it almost makes you feel you cannot feel anymore. But, I have realized I actually have a tender heart. People can tell you that you are strong, but when are you too strong? My grandmother, Jackie was the strongest woman I have ever met. Tough tough, but a good woman. I never saw emotion in her and that scared me that I would become that way. I don't want to ever be too tough.
The most important thing is to always ooze love during any of these times for others. We all hurt deep down in our own ways. Love is truly the only thing that can heal our hearts.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Kindness
The human spirit is something beyond the imagination. Kindness flows through the veins no matter where you are in life. I've seen this firsthand the past few days and it interests me greatly. Some people ask me why I paid for my friends in college. Why did you join a sorority? I explain how it was free in the sense of friendship. I didn't have to be friends with my sisters, but they became like real sisters to me without the payment. Our sorority sister, Lindsay Breault Lewis is in critical condition in ICU. She was diagnosed with ARDS after a battle with pneumonia in both lungs. She has two little boys and a husband at home. I just saw her last month and she seemed full of life. So once this story started circulating we began getting updates from one of her best friends. I saw my sorority sisters come out of the woodwork in droves saying they would help or asking how to send money. People all have their own lives and their own families, yet they stop in their tracks to help a friend in need. We often forget the kindness of people's hearts when it comes to helping others. Prayer chains started circulating and women were brought together by this illness to pray for someone. I do not know what will happen with Lindsay. I know she hit rock bottom and they hope to have her plateau and then build up. I am by no means stating we were ever close. She was always just a very sweet and kind sorority sister that I would call a friend.
When my mother passed away we were only freshmen hardly all knowing one another yet... Hundreds of KDs came to my side. They drove down the funeral. They missed midterms and quizzes for me. From all walks of life these women came together at that time and now at this time to help a friend in need. If this kindness from a group is what I paid for then I'll pay a thousand more.
When my mother passed away we were only freshmen hardly all knowing one another yet... Hundreds of KDs came to my side. They drove down the funeral. They missed midterms and quizzes for me. From all walks of life these women came together at that time and now at this time to help a friend in need. If this kindness from a group is what I paid for then I'll pay a thousand more.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Three Decades Begins
It has started. The new decade is coming. We celebrated a big 30th birthday party for three of my good friends last weekend. We all went to a BBQ place called Smoke for the three girls, Jordan, Stacy & Brittney. I am not quite sure what to think about this upcoming decade. My 20s were sort of filled with trying to figure out where to be and climbing the corporate ladder and jumping ladders and figuring things out along the way. I have an old soul, but a young heart. I never took anyone for granted so I didn't have to figure those things out, but I had to find out that people fade and new friends swoop in and life changes on a dime. I knew that already though. Growing up seems so very scary. We were all in a room celebrating the 30th birthdays and I remember just yesterday when Brittney had just turned 21 and we were at UT visiting her. We don't seem to look old and we still act pretty young, so what is 30? I guess I'll wait until January to find that one out. Until then I'll just celebrate each big day as they come with friends. This makes me flashback to when each friend turned 16 and then 21. It all seems like such a milestone. My main thing is to learn that we must just enjoy today whether this age or that age. We all just need to learn to love it and live it because life is but a vapor.
Brittney & Sandi
Jana is the reason I know the three birthday girls. They went to high school together. What a special friend when you make great friends through one great friend.
Nick ordered an expensive cheeseburger with a fried egg on it. He wasn't sure about most of the crazy menu.
Jordan
Birthday Girls
Brittney & Sandi
Jana is the reason I know the three birthday girls. They went to high school together. What a special friend when you make great friends through one great friend.
Nick ordered an expensive cheeseburger with a fried egg on it. He wasn't sure about most of the crazy menu.
Jordan
Birthday Girls
Thursday, September 8, 2011
9-11 Memorial Slideshow
I made this 9-11 Memorial slideshow with photos of my favorite kids and footage from the tragedy... Each child symbolizes our world today ten years later as the world they are growing up in is a very different world. They symbolize our innocence and our future in America.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Not So Labor Day
It's September now, but you wouldn't know by feeling the air outside. Today it finally cooled down, but we've been riding over 100 all summer. I love sunshine, but even I was getting a little burnt out.
Our Labor Day was anything but filled with labor. Tony & Katie came in from Houston so Friday night we hit the lake. We stayed out until nightfall and watched the sunset fade into the stars. We sat out on the boat just talking. Saturday Katie and I woke up early to shop! I took her to some of my favorite places in Plano and Addison... she spent way too much money and I was proud!!! Then the boys went to the Oregon vs. LSU game so Katie and I crafted the day away. We made homemade coasters and watched TV. It was so relaxing that we didn't wish to move off the couch! After the game the crew came back and made us go out. I could have gone in my pajamas if it was up to me! We had a nice time out playing darts and just enjoying everyone. We decided Sunday we would play war with the wind on the lake. It was a crazy idea. No one could kneeboard or tube... anything... so we just sat on the lake in the boat sunning for a few hours. I got stung by a bee... a first for me! Mean bee. That night we drove to Little Elm to Matt and Keilly's for a family dinner. All of Matt's family was in from Philadelphia and I just loved listening to them. We ate way too much food. And today there was even more food. We all went over to Nick's parents' house for some yummy food.
Needless to say I think my bed will feel lovely tonight. I've been working on a 9/11 memorial slideshow all night. I think it is going to pull some heartstrings... or I hope it will. In 2001 I lost my mother and then we had 9/11 so it's such a surreal year to me. Both things seem like just yesterday... yet seem a million years away. Ten years holds a lot of experience in life. The slideshow is all about 9/11 and the children growing up in today's world.
Anyway... I guess the biggest thing to document is football season is back. Nick is obsessed with college football so I will hear about it for the next few months. I'll be hosting a few Red Raider Roadshows this year, but we haven't decided which games. My photographer, Mitchell just got his own radio show in East Texas!!! So proud of him! I hope he does some hosting with me on the YouTube show because he is really good. The clock is winding down as the wind slowly howls outside. I'm already excited to bust out the fall attire!!!
Our Labor Day was anything but filled with labor. Tony & Katie came in from Houston so Friday night we hit the lake. We stayed out until nightfall and watched the sunset fade into the stars. We sat out on the boat just talking. Saturday Katie and I woke up early to shop! I took her to some of my favorite places in Plano and Addison... she spent way too much money and I was proud!!! Then the boys went to the Oregon vs. LSU game so Katie and I crafted the day away. We made homemade coasters and watched TV. It was so relaxing that we didn't wish to move off the couch! After the game the crew came back and made us go out. I could have gone in my pajamas if it was up to me! We had a nice time out playing darts and just enjoying everyone. We decided Sunday we would play war with the wind on the lake. It was a crazy idea. No one could kneeboard or tube... anything... so we just sat on the lake in the boat sunning for a few hours. I got stung by a bee... a first for me! Mean bee. That night we drove to Little Elm to Matt and Keilly's for a family dinner. All of Matt's family was in from Philadelphia and I just loved listening to them. We ate way too much food. And today there was even more food. We all went over to Nick's parents' house for some yummy food.
Needless to say I think my bed will feel lovely tonight. I've been working on a 9/11 memorial slideshow all night. I think it is going to pull some heartstrings... or I hope it will. In 2001 I lost my mother and then we had 9/11 so it's such a surreal year to me. Both things seem like just yesterday... yet seem a million years away. Ten years holds a lot of experience in life. The slideshow is all about 9/11 and the children growing up in today's world.
Anyway... I guess the biggest thing to document is football season is back. Nick is obsessed with college football so I will hear about it for the next few months. I'll be hosting a few Red Raider Roadshows this year, but we haven't decided which games. My photographer, Mitchell just got his own radio show in East Texas!!! So proud of him! I hope he does some hosting with me on the YouTube show because he is really good. The clock is winding down as the wind slowly howls outside. I'm already excited to bust out the fall attire!!!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Epiphany of the Sunshine
God wants us to suffer. Yes, it's in the Bible. I say this to grab the attention of those out there wondering why they should be a practicing Christian if this is in the Bible, but just follow my lead here... Romans 5:3-4 says we must "also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Well, I sure would like to lead a life where this verse just isn't true. Can't I pick and choose which verses I follow? I picked and chose which paragraphs to memorize in my college textbooks. Oh, but what about those chapters you didn't read? Did you get those answers right on the test? Did it help you remember in the next lesson to read every line so you were stronger when it came to knowing the passage? There are days full of sunshine when our lives just cannot seem to get any brighter. There are also days full of clouds when we are not sure the rain will ever stop.
I had an epiphany that led me to see a part of me. I have always tried to control my own life. God has always tried to let me realize He is in control. My life for 12 years was all about basketball. I would practice for hours in my backyard. Yes, I did many other things in school and was involved in everything imaginable, but my true love was basketball. My freshman year of high school I tore my ACL at the end of the year. I remember telling my mother I didn't want to talk about it or be asked about it; I just wanted to deal with it and move on. I feverishly worked that summer in rehab. I worked so hard that I was back in October ready to play. I was never the same again in speed, but I hit my goal. Then my senior year in high school the third game of the year I tore it again... (Maybe God was telling me I should wear my brace that He made my parents pay thousands of dollars for!)... Anyway, I was so angry and thought life was over. I didn't want to go through it again. I just wanted to fast forward. So instead of wallowing in my own self pity I decided to get involved with theater. Everyone did it and I never could because of the season. At the end of the year I had gained one of the best experiences in my life through theater. I could have played that year and not played much because my coach wanted to build a team of freshman... another story... and been miserable all year... but, I moved on. I think that is what life is about...
Not to my point yet, but hang around and I'll explain... I realized I have always gone for what I want. Sometimes God cut it short and it angered me, but I kept moving. I always said I wanted to work at Joe's Crab Shack. So in college I landed a job there. I didn't really enjoy it, but I did what I said I was going to do! I wanted to be a news reporter so I found myself driving all around Texas handing out my video resume. Showing up at the office! God told me I had to do it. I landed my positions in Abilene and Tyler at the news stations because I had driven there and shown up for an unscheduled interview. I decided to leave the profession of news to pursue a more "normal" lifestyle so I moved to Dallas just knowing somehow I'd figure it all out. I could even equate this in small parts of life. The other day I wanted some Chinese food. What did I do? Oh... drive and search for a restaurant... and enjoyed every ounce. Then I wanted a snow cone. I never see snow cone stands. I got on my computer and found me a snow cone stand and went for it! I realize God is in control and I often try to take control thinking He isn't doing a good enough job. I used to tell Nick that God wasn't a genie. We cannot try to figure out his next step either. I don't like to wait and I don't enjoy feeling as if God is ignoring me at times. But, He said I would suffer for hope. Yes, all of that suffering in the Bible verse leads to hope. I get very upset at times when I reflect on these things and say, "God, why would you want me to suffer any more? You took my Mom when I was nineteen; Is that not good enough for you?" I cannot hear His audible answer, but I know deep down there are reasons I do not understand. If she was here life could not unfold in the way it has... I could rehash everything that has come on this journey after her death, but we know there was good taken from it and we have a new family. I realized the other day after thinking of Grandmommy's death at the end of March... I spoke with her all of the time and I desperately miss our talks; BUT, as you realize this summer has been HOT. 18 days of over 100 degrees! She hated the heat. She would say she was miserable and it made her ill. Do you realize God took her RIGHT BEFORE the heat began to rise? Do you realize God let Mom raise me 18 years and be off at college before he took her? Now I can say that in one breathe, but in the next breath wonder why God didn't think I needed her now at 29 years old when everyone is best friends with their parents? Am I just so full of wisdom that I didn't need that? Only God knows the answer.
In the sermon the preacher talked about listening to a child pray. When I listen to my five year old niece pray she thanks God for everyone at the table, the food, the house, the dog... on and on. Why can't our hearts be that pure? We sit in despair worrying about all of the clouds. We forget about the sunshine behind those clouds. Are we not surrounded by loved ones? Are we not eating a nice meal?
I'm talking to myself in a sense through these verses. When the clouds hit I am a strong young lady. After everything I have been through I never stopped moving. I must say my faith and my support system are the only things that get me through the tough stuff. Though I am tough at times I fall flat on my face in my faith. I am angry and I want a fix. I want out of this pain and I want it right now. I want God to tell me what He wants me to learn and LET ME OUT. I say this on my end, but what if on the other end God is saying, "I'm giving you perseverance, character and hope so just hold your horses."
I had an epiphany that led me to see a part of me. I have always tried to control my own life. God has always tried to let me realize He is in control. My life for 12 years was all about basketball. I would practice for hours in my backyard. Yes, I did many other things in school and was involved in everything imaginable, but my true love was basketball. My freshman year of high school I tore my ACL at the end of the year. I remember telling my mother I didn't want to talk about it or be asked about it; I just wanted to deal with it and move on. I feverishly worked that summer in rehab. I worked so hard that I was back in October ready to play. I was never the same again in speed, but I hit my goal. Then my senior year in high school the third game of the year I tore it again... (Maybe God was telling me I should wear my brace that He made my parents pay thousands of dollars for!)... Anyway, I was so angry and thought life was over. I didn't want to go through it again. I just wanted to fast forward. So instead of wallowing in my own self pity I decided to get involved with theater. Everyone did it and I never could because of the season. At the end of the year I had gained one of the best experiences in my life through theater. I could have played that year and not played much because my coach wanted to build a team of freshman... another story... and been miserable all year... but, I moved on. I think that is what life is about...
Not to my point yet, but hang around and I'll explain... I realized I have always gone for what I want. Sometimes God cut it short and it angered me, but I kept moving. I always said I wanted to work at Joe's Crab Shack. So in college I landed a job there. I didn't really enjoy it, but I did what I said I was going to do! I wanted to be a news reporter so I found myself driving all around Texas handing out my video resume. Showing up at the office! God told me I had to do it. I landed my positions in Abilene and Tyler at the news stations because I had driven there and shown up for an unscheduled interview. I decided to leave the profession of news to pursue a more "normal" lifestyle so I moved to Dallas just knowing somehow I'd figure it all out. I could even equate this in small parts of life. The other day I wanted some Chinese food. What did I do? Oh... drive and search for a restaurant... and enjoyed every ounce. Then I wanted a snow cone. I never see snow cone stands. I got on my computer and found me a snow cone stand and went for it! I realize God is in control and I often try to take control thinking He isn't doing a good enough job. I used to tell Nick that God wasn't a genie. We cannot try to figure out his next step either. I don't like to wait and I don't enjoy feeling as if God is ignoring me at times. But, He said I would suffer for hope. Yes, all of that suffering in the Bible verse leads to hope. I get very upset at times when I reflect on these things and say, "God, why would you want me to suffer any more? You took my Mom when I was nineteen; Is that not good enough for you?" I cannot hear His audible answer, but I know deep down there are reasons I do not understand. If she was here life could not unfold in the way it has... I could rehash everything that has come on this journey after her death, but we know there was good taken from it and we have a new family. I realized the other day after thinking of Grandmommy's death at the end of March... I spoke with her all of the time and I desperately miss our talks; BUT, as you realize this summer has been HOT. 18 days of over 100 degrees! She hated the heat. She would say she was miserable and it made her ill. Do you realize God took her RIGHT BEFORE the heat began to rise? Do you realize God let Mom raise me 18 years and be off at college before he took her? Now I can say that in one breathe, but in the next breath wonder why God didn't think I needed her now at 29 years old when everyone is best friends with their parents? Am I just so full of wisdom that I didn't need that? Only God knows the answer.
In the sermon the preacher talked about listening to a child pray. When I listen to my five year old niece pray she thanks God for everyone at the table, the food, the house, the dog... on and on. Why can't our hearts be that pure? We sit in despair worrying about all of the clouds. We forget about the sunshine behind those clouds. Are we not surrounded by loved ones? Are we not eating a nice meal?
I'm talking to myself in a sense through these verses. When the clouds hit I am a strong young lady. After everything I have been through I never stopped moving. I must say my faith and my support system are the only things that get me through the tough stuff. Though I am tough at times I fall flat on my face in my faith. I am angry and I want a fix. I want out of this pain and I want it right now. I want God to tell me what He wants me to learn and LET ME OUT. I say this on my end, but what if on the other end God is saying, "I'm giving you perseverance, character and hope so just hold your horses."
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sunshine is my Drug
Sunshine is my drug. I just simply could not live without it. This drug has kept me hopping lately. Summer has been busy and exciting!
Last week Nick and I got last minute tickets to Rihanna... Floor seats... oh dear. The show was great and she is a spectacular performer, but halfway through it a light caught fire. Not cool. We laughed at the people freaking out running out the doors. We just slowly left as they made us leave. We even played a bit on the firetruck outside!!!
After the excitement of Rihanna... remember I have only been to Lady Gaga and Christian concerts... Anna and I got the chance to go to Britney Spears - floor seats again!!! Surreal!!! We had such a blast. I'm not a Britney fan as I don't enjoy that she never sings live, but I did enjoy the performance as a whole. We danced and sang and laughed the entire time. What a great night!!!
We've sure been keeping busy as well as you can see in the photos below. Anna hosted a pasta and wine night. She and her brother cooked us up an Italian extravaganza!
We also have tried to get to the lake as much as possible. Last weekend Nick and I took out Andrea, Anna, Chelsea and Austin. We were in the "party cove" just swimming and hanging out. A man swam over and asked if we had seen this man and he described him... we had not... Come to find out the man was missing. I kept thinking he must be on another boat as it is a crowded area and you don't just go "missing." Then the patrols came in and began searching... we all sat around for a bit in the water watching and asking questions, but they finally made us all leave. I found out in the newspaper he had jumped in and never resurfaced. We didn't understand why no one could save him. It was very sad. Needless to say after that happened our spirits were a little sapped.
Anyway... I believe it is the 16th day in the row of over 100 temperatures. I know I say sunshine is my drug, but they also say addiction kills ya... I just might be ready for a cloudy day! Until it comes I shall enjoy my addiction.
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