Is Vacation Over Yet?

I promised to keep up this blog for myself and the future, yet life gets in the way. I realize this all has been going on since the middle of March. Our lives have been thrown upside down. Sometimes I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then I get frightful and try to just sit still.Sometimes I feel like this is vacation. Do you ever think at some point in vacation, okay, I've had a blast, but it's time to get back to real life? Not to say this is a blast, but this is time with my family. This is time without a million things on the calendar. I miss the hustle and bustle because I like to stay busy. On the other hand, it's nice to just relish in the cuddles and the time with my family.

One of the worst, weird things is we lost a family member last week. One of my Dad's cousin's spouses passed away. This would usually be something where we all travel there. We hug and share old memories, and just be together. They held a sort of a "drive up" funeral today. It baffles me, it saddens me. In this time when we aren't supposed to hug. This virus has taken away something that makes us whole. I can't even begin to explain what this virus has taken away in the world. The biggest thing is the fear that it has given all of us because we have no idea what is going to happen out of it.

They said yesterday no school the rest of the year. My son is only 4 years old. I cannot put myself in the shoes of those that have older children where school is so important. BUT, I can put myself in his little shoes. He misses his friends so much. Walker is a very social little boy. When he gets to see his friends on Zoom calls, he lights up and gets crazy. For his age, we don't get to have a little Pre-K graduation. We don't get the end of the year goodbyes. We don't get the excitement as Summer approaches. And, we don't know what the Summer holds... or even Fall. I want both boys to get to go to little Summer camps, VBS... all that stuff. I have no idea how this will pan out. What if this all comes back in the Fall? We seriously don't know. That is the worst thing about all of it. The not knowing. It breaks me for all of these kids. Sitting the four year old down to actually learn can be done, but I'm not a teacher to him. I know my ways of teaching him, but I don't know if he is really getting it. Then you look at the younger child. At this age we want Carter to learn to be social and basic skills. The good news is he's pretty good at letting go of me because I've thrown him in gym daycare and church nursery most of his life... but, I just hope he figures out how to be social with other kids as much as his big brother.

The weeks go on as if it is Groundhog Day every day. I'm okay at times just at peace knowing it's going to be okay. I wake up at other times stressing out over family members. Worried this will take them. I worry about the future of our jobs. It's weird as I realized we are all in a sense equal at this time just in this weird place. The virus doesn't care who you are as it attacks you. No one is too busy. We are stripped down to the bare bones of life. During Bible Study they asked how we rejoice in this trial. I don't think I'm doing too much rejoicing. It would be better if I wasn't scared to death.

So that's where we are at. Our usual month of Easter eggs hunts was taken away. The boys did have a hunt. Walker asked why we celebrate Easter and I tried to explain it the best way possible. We did everything we could to make it all normal. I do see the world getting a little better as we pass the time. It's just scary not to know. I will miss the extended cuddles and exciting Zoom calls, the knowing everyone is home and no one is too busy... I will be more than happy though to get a real, tight hug in person.