Pumpjacks and Playdates: Let's Survive

"Let's not just survive, let's get stronger."

Here we are. Not sure what day it is anymore. I have so many thoughts rumbling through my head, and the best way I thrive is to write. It's weird since I pretty much do freelance writing for money so sitting down to write a blog for no money isn't in the top of my wheelhouse. I need to document this time. At night I lay my head on the pillow and groan... I know it's time to pray and I am just hopeless at this time. I say, Hello, God, where you at?

Now, I know looking back there will be a lot of times I see God's hand. I don't much right now. I do realize at this time that our layoff might be a blessing. Now Nick's former employer has furloughed almost all employees without pay for two months. Atleast we have severance. That said, the job market is gone pretty much. He can make more on unemployment than most jobs. Once this lifts, we just pray all of our hard work pays off. He won't stop trudging each day talking to recruiters and finding his next option. It's almost comforting that the whole world is in this with you.

Half of the time we live in fear. Sometimes I want to rebel and just go shopping. Our neighbors bring us pizza. We stand six feet from them and chat in the front yard. In fact, we walk all day and night and see more people than ever before. Entire families out walking together. The family in the culdesac sits in their lawn chairs each day. It almost brings us to simpler times in a sense. The family is just together. On the other hand, I miss my parents so much. I want to go home this month to see Dad and Brenda. I yearn to just hang out with them and watch TV on their couch. I worry for them, I worry for Nick's parents. I have a friend whose mom is fighting in the hospital with this virus. She is in tip top shape, yet her lungs are filled with pneumonia.

They said on the news it is like an imaginary gunman. You don't know when you will get hit. I feel like I am again playing dodgeball. I try to be careful in all I do, but heck if I know if I'm doing it all properly. We go on many walks alone and as a family. My gym is closed so I am trying to stay in shape this way. We also probably snack too much so it might all even out! It's hard at the stores to know as I do an online order if I can get meat or pasta this week! I am too paranoid to go into the store. It's crazy that fear is just holding me down. Nick's mom brought us over some chicken from Aldi, it's all cooked now. So let's hope Kroger or Wal Mart has my chicken on order, or I might just have to go in. Ugh, I don't want to live in that fear.

The boys are fine. Walker misses his friends so much. He cries about his little school friends. I'm thankful for technology they can see one another on the screens. I worry about his education, he's only 4... but, is he getting behind? I'm trying to help him learn, but I don't know if I'm doing it correctly! He learns so much at school! Other times it's nice to just have this time with the boys. We sleep "in" until 7:30, and they come snuggle with us. We aren't in a rush. However, then there's the guilt of am I getting enough work done and engaging them at the same time? Did I give them enough attention today? I need to make my writing money, so am I balancing that and teaching Walker enough and spending enough time with them? Is Nick going to kill me after hanging with me way too much? We definitely get on each other's nerves! Am I helping him apply for jobs enough? Am I cooking and cleaning well enough? Are we doing this right???

This also is a time to get back to the roots of connection. No one is too busy to talk. I spend a good amount of time texting and/or calling my close friends and loved ones. We all check on one another. Everyone is in this together. At this time everyone is just equal trying to weather this storm together. I say equal, but those on the front lines are a lot higher and mightier than me! I cannot even name them all, but they're the heroes right now.

I'll leave it with some of my fave photos of our life right now. I hope this passes and life is even better. We have to live day to day right now. While we want to sleep and fast forward, we cannot. We have to just figure out what we are learning through all of this. The pastor said it best, Lets' not just survive, let's get stronger."