Monday, May 9, 2016
It felt like I jumped over the fence after being on one side then standing on the top and then plummeting over. That's the only way I can describe Mother's Day. You join this club and suddenly this one day is yours. And you understand what it means and you understand how tough it is and how glorious it is. Motherhood. I don't know why God blessed me with a child because I'm not maternal by nature, but there are certain babies and children I do have a very special connection with, and I believe God knows my heart and knows my deep love might not be shown in "normal" ways, but I can be an amazing mother.
Mother's Day was always a special day for Mom and I. For many years I did everything I could not to think about the day. It was a tough one. Then Brenda became my second mother and the day became special once again. And then I gained a mother in law. I still get sad as I see posts of people taking their mother to brunch just because I think how much my own mother would truly enjoy it. I'm so very thankful God gave me both Brenda and Dianne as amazing mothers in my life. My mom had to have a hand in sending them to me. I will always miss her on special days no matter what, and ya know, that's okay!
So to my Mother's Day. Nick got up with Walker who likes to awaken at 6 AM these days. I woke up at 7 and Nick brought me in flowers, coffee and a card. Now, we don't really do cards so this was a huge deal to me that Nick picked out a card and wrote on it!!! He doesn't know Starbucks either so that was amazing!!! He tried to make Dubs do a handprint in mustard and ketchup, but couldn't figure it out. Makes me laugh because I went round and round with handprints at Christmas trying to do them!!!
We headed out to church. It was such a good message and a good day. Everything just felt light at church. It really made me want to figure out how to get more involved. There was a lady on our aisle that just might have been an angel. Walker was smiling at her so she picked him up. Yes, stranger, hold my kid? I had been watching her and she seemed quite normal and was very into the prayers so I figured she was good folk! She rocked and talked to him! She told us she has 9 grandkids and just loves kids! I was staring at her because in a way she reminded me of my mom. She just did for some reason so it made me smile. She gave us her number and everything so maybe we will see her again. But, I truly believe we entertain angels and she might have just been one. Anyway, back to my point... we really enjoyed church and took some fun photos there!
When we got home we heard the grandkids across the street so we had to go hang out! The twins and JJ were playing in the backyard so they had fun with Walker. They brought him all of these toys and played with him on the ground. Jan brought me a mimosa and we all just hung out. Maureen, Casey and Brian our other neighbors showed up and we all enjoyed some donuts and chatted. It suddenly began to rain! Nick was sad because he planned to surprise me by heating the hot tub and us all getting in. I didn't mind as I was enjoying it!
Nick decided to take me to my favorite place, Lakes Lounge. We knew other places would be crowded and we knew this would be easy and good. I had a yummy egg sandwich!
We took a family nap which seems normal, but I was so excited to nap on Mother's Day!!! I woke up and left the boys sleeping because Nick sent me for a long massage! Awww perfection!!!
I came home and we went walking with Casey around the neighborhood as it was no longer raining. Nick and I watched basketball and just enjoyed the night. I was sad for the perfect day to end! I knew there were many things to get done, but it was awesome to just enjoy life. Nick really made the day wonderful! He's such a blessing. And, of course, Walker is always cool. We talked to ours moms and Granny as well!
The job of raising a kiddo is tough. I can make it look like fun on Facebook, but there are times I just fall flat on my face. I had an epiphany though. I was worrying about if I was teaching him enough, is he social enough... blah blah blah... I realized I need to let this kid be a baby. Society pushes us to think all of these things when maybe he should just enjoy playing and learning along the way! We all put so much pressure on ourselves when things work themselves out as we roll. He loves other kids and he seems pretty smart so I shouldn't freak out he isn't counting to 10 at 9 months... Every day as moms we worry and we stress about this child's future. It's part of the territory. I am doing my best. Some days I do fall on my face trying to figure things out. Other days I am winning. As long as he is loved, that's what matters. Walker Dean Gray is loved by some crazy, wonderful people. Nick and I both had the best role models possible as parents. I try to take everything they taught me and pass it down. More than anything, my parents love me. Moms work hard each day taking care of everyone in the house. By the end of the day I'm often covered in food, dirt, snot... etc... I go workout or to grab frozen yogurt leaving the boys at home just to have some alone time sometimes, and that's cool. I was on the other side of the fence just enjoying life as a wife in my tall, green grass. Once I jumped over the fence to the other side I saw it was just as green. In fact, my kid makes it glowing. I had the best mother in the world for me for 19 years. I cannot be the same type of mother she was as she had this wit I cannot attain, she had this love for me that just glowed in every aspect and her strength was something I cannot even explain. But, I can love with all my might and raise my child in the same way she did.
Thankful for all of my parents then and now that show me true selflessness and love. Thankful for my wonderful husband who knows how to make me feel like a queen. Thankful this kid plays in my grass of life.