Wednesday, February 29, 2012


I started a new thing in my life. I noticed God is always working on me as well as everyone around me. For instance, a few years ago He really worked in my heart about pride and forgiveness. I can just tell when He is really working on certain things because they keep popping up places. I also have been told I am the most stubborn person in the world. We cannot exactly change who we are, but we can change certain things about ourselves. Sometimes I will really put forth effort to make changes... then somehow as time goes on it fades. So I have been holding myself accountable. No one else should do this. It begins with praying each night about certain aspects of life. Are you being professional and doing what you need at work? How is your personal life? Were you kind to those in it today? Where did you fail God? Did you work out hard and eat right... even if you have snacks every now and then? I decided to sit down when I pray each night and talk through these things. I just notice with myself I will be really kind and do great things for a few days, then just sometimes go on a plateau. I won't be sweet to Nick or I'll joke too much with someone and accidentally hurt their feelings. I joke way too much and sometimes it's the truth in jest which is going overboard. I also noticed God working a long time ago about being positive. Mom used to tell people I would paint her a picture and say, "I know the grass isn't green enough. It could use more trees." It's just me, but I began working on really listening to myself and trying not to be be down with anything. I can pump you up all day, but I need to work on always seeing the brighter light. Just a thought for anyone out there... Being accountable for yourself. God is always working on me... and everyone else. I just need to listen to Him and follow Him.

Something interesting... someone asked me about Vinny on "Jersey Shore's" Let Go Let God tattoo. They didn't know it was a saying. Great way to testify about the saying... and to listen to what I had to say so I could put it into action myself.

Yes, Mom's anniversary was last Sunday. No, I did not write. I made a tribute video. The words did not come to me. I am good with the day now and I still use it to share her legacy, but I hope I do that every day. The only thing that got me down was if I would talk to Grandmommy or Dad and they would say something that made them sad. Don't make my family sad!!! Grandmommy got to spend the day in Heaven with her for the first time. Dad said he did not watch my tribute, but he might later... I was sad because I was having a great day, but I couldn't bare him being upset. He asked me the next day about my day and I told him it was a great day and I always just use it for memories and to share her with the world. No matter how many years pass, I will always share her and spread her love. She always did with Grandaddy Bill... I felt like I knew him because of the stories she told and the audio tapes I listened to of him. Anyway, Dad then told me he had a great day, too, and passing the ten year mark last year really helped. I smiled a great big smile. He was okay. His life is so spectacular and God has given him so many blessings. He has an amazing wife and he has me and he has great stepkids and grandchildren... none from me no no no!!! Nah, we never forget and that part of life is so dear, but we keep walking along the journey. If she was here now she would have failing health as her health was a tough fight, the schools have changed so much that her teaching would be choked with what she could and could not do when she was amazing at changing lives, and she would be crushed to lose her mother when Grandmommy passed last year. Of course, I want her here to do motherly things and be my BFF and just have her, but God knows what's up. Dad and Brenda are the best in the world. I love them so much. Isn't that what life is all about? Love.

Friday, February 24, 2012

Chandra's Birthday Video

My best friend, Chandra turned 30... Here is her tribute!!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

American Heart Month

It isn't normal that I am a little jealous of October's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I didn't choose February's American Heart Month as my inside drive to cry out about. It chose me. February coincidentally is the month my mother passed of a heart attack - February 26, 2001. American Heart Month doesn't get near as much attention as October and I understand that because breast cancer and women seem to go hand in hand. The weird reality is that heart cancer is the number one killer of women and it seems to be in our hands at times... Somehow it seems we control our cholesterol; somehow it seems we control nothing. I don't have millions to support the month, but what I think I want out of it is just education for others.

Heart disease is the number one killer of women. Number one. It doesn't seem real when I don't know many people who have lost women to a heart attack. Oh, but I know myself. I have lost a mother and two grandmothers. If you want to go further than that I lost my grandfather and my other grandfather had open heart surgery, but he actually passed away from heart cancer (a tumor in his main artery which at that time was one of the first in the United States). Needless to say... they already check my cholesterol. And, no, they were not overweight, artery clogging people. Grandaddy Bill jogged every day, never ate anything bad, biked everywhere he went. Grandmommy lived a good life and weighed about 90... but, she ate horribly and was always stressed. Granny Jac was fine physically, but was losing a bit of her memory. I'm not sure what caused it. (I must add in my grandmothers the doctors conclude heart attacks as do the death certificates, but since they both technically passed away of a sudden occurrence at an older age we did not have an autopsy). Mom never had any heart problems, but she had many other health issues throughout her life. She had stomach trouble, diverticulosis, a hysterectomy at a young age... If you ask me I think somewhere in all of that something had to make her heart weak. I just don't know.

Mom passed away 11 years ago and since then it'd be great to save the world, but I haven't and I don't really know how. I work out, I eat right even though I enjoy dessert, I test my heart each year... but, we can't change our genetics or our worlds. I guess that leaves it up to the world. I found these statistics:

More women die of heart disease than all forms of cancer combined.

While 1 in 31 American women dies from breast cancer each year, 1 in 3 die of cardiovascular disease.

Currently, some eight million women in the U.S. are living with heart disease, yet only 1 in 6 American women believe that heart disease is her greatest health threat.

Ninety percent of women have one or more risk factors for developing heart disease.

Only slightly more than half of women are likely to call 911 if experiencing symptoms. And yet, 79 percent of women said that they would call 911 if someone else was having a heart attack.

Oh... and on that note... women are strong creatures... they don't usually call 911 because their symptoms are different. Women don't even usually have chest pain. My mother had strep throat the day of her heart attack. Of course she was not feeling well. She even went to the doctor that morning... no one knew.

My mom was 48. She was a young woman to pass this way. There is no way we could have known or maybe doctors could have even known. She probably didn't realize her genetics right there with her dad passing at age 54. We didn't harp on that education. I didn't know it was such a killer in women until a few years ago. I remember when she passed away and we got the autopsy results it was just understood and I didn't ask any questions. I just write this as a way to educate the women you know and love. Wear red on Friday and when they ask tell them it is for Deanna Adams.

The women's major symptoms prior to their heart attack included:

Unusual fatigue - 70%
Sleep disturbance - 48%
Shortness of breath - 42%
Indigestion - 39%
Anxiety - 35%

Major symptoms during the heart attack include:

Shortness of breath - 58%
Weakness - 55%
Unusual fatigue - 43%
Cold sweat - 39%
Dizziness - 39%