Wednesday, February 29, 2012


I started a new thing in my life. I noticed God is always working on me as well as everyone around me. For instance, a few years ago He really worked in my heart about pride and forgiveness. I can just tell when He is really working on certain things because they keep popping up places. I also have been told I am the most stubborn person in the world. We cannot exactly change who we are, but we can change certain things about ourselves. Sometimes I will really put forth effort to make changes... then somehow as time goes on it fades. So I have been holding myself accountable. No one else should do this. It begins with praying each night about certain aspects of life. Are you being professional and doing what you need at work? How is your personal life? Were you kind to those in it today? Where did you fail God? Did you work out hard and eat right... even if you have snacks every now and then? I decided to sit down when I pray each night and talk through these things. I just notice with myself I will be really kind and do great things for a few days, then just sometimes go on a plateau. I won't be sweet to Nick or I'll joke too much with someone and accidentally hurt their feelings. I joke way too much and sometimes it's the truth in jest which is going overboard. I also noticed God working a long time ago about being positive. Mom used to tell people I would paint her a picture and say, "I know the grass isn't green enough. It could use more trees." It's just me, but I began working on really listening to myself and trying not to be be down with anything. I can pump you up all day, but I need to work on always seeing the brighter light. Just a thought for anyone out there... Being accountable for yourself. God is always working on me... and everyone else. I just need to listen to Him and follow Him.

Something interesting... someone asked me about Vinny on "Jersey Shore's" Let Go Let God tattoo. They didn't know it was a saying. Great way to testify about the saying... and to listen to what I had to say so I could put it into action myself.

Yes, Mom's anniversary was last Sunday. No, I did not write. I made a tribute video. The words did not come to me. I am good with the day now and I still use it to share her legacy, but I hope I do that every day. The only thing that got me down was if I would talk to Grandmommy or Dad and they would say something that made them sad. Don't make my family sad!!! Grandmommy got to spend the day in Heaven with her for the first time. Dad said he did not watch my tribute, but he might later... I was sad because I was having a great day, but I couldn't bare him being upset. He asked me the next day about my day and I told him it was a great day and I always just use it for memories and to share her with the world. No matter how many years pass, I will always share her and spread her love. She always did with Grandaddy Bill... I felt like I knew him because of the stories she told and the audio tapes I listened to of him. Anyway, Dad then told me he had a great day, too, and passing the ten year mark last year really helped. I smiled a great big smile. He was okay. His life is so spectacular and God has given him so many blessings. He has an amazing wife and he has me and he has great stepkids and grandchildren... none from me no no no!!! Nah, we never forget and that part of life is so dear, but we keep walking along the journey. If she was here now she would have failing health as her health was a tough fight, the schools have changed so much that her teaching would be choked with what she could and could not do when she was amazing at changing lives, and she would be crushed to lose her mother when Grandmommy passed last year. Of course, I want her here to do motherly things and be my BFF and just have her, but God knows what's up. Dad and Brenda are the best in the world. I love them so much. Isn't that what life is all about? Love.

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