Sunday, November 28, 2010

Gobbles 2010

Our Thanksgiving was filled with so much love and laughter I could still pop. I should just copy and paste the e-mail my Dad wrote about it, but I also should not plagiarize his own genius of writing skills so I'll touch on pieces of it!!!

I flew in to San Antonio to celebrate with Brenda's family. We went out to her Aunt Cora and Uncle Ed's little farm. They are truly neat people that have been married over sixty years. There were about thirty people in attendance. Ed wanted to have dinner out in the barn... or his workshop... why, you ask? He was very proud of it and Cora wanted a place we could all sit together. They put together tables and it was just fine. It wouldn't have mattered where we were eating. The day was gorgeous which half annoyed me because I had put together an elaborate new outfit with my new coat and scarf... but, I like being warm so it's even better!!! I don't like normal food on holidays so I said no to the turkey and ate all side dishes... I'm weird, but I like it that way. They were so yummy. Of course I also went for dessert. Eating healthy didn't seem to matter that day.

After lunch Ed and his brother serenaded us with a violin and guitar. My Dad loves that music so I enjoyed it, too. It felt like we were in Luchenbach. Between bouts of football we played Bunko and then did the White Elephant gift exchange. It was such a blast. We laughed the entire time.

Aunt Cora has lung cancer and is going through treatments so the family really tried to make her time a wonderful one. She is doing so well that I had no idea she was still in chemo. She said her hair should fall out soon and she has a wig! She is so funny and just has the best heart.

My favorite part of the day was just being with everyone. Being an only child, grandchild and niece I had a very small family... When we would go with Dad's cousins I felt like I was in a big family and fell in love with it. Nick tells me that now I not only have my family, but Brenda's and his family, too. The love just surrounded us. They welcome Dad and I like we are their own blood.

When we go to San Antonio we stay with Brenda's brother Jay and his family. They have a nine year old, Seva. We have such a blast playing. She makes me see through a little girl's eyes. She is so full of energy, hates boys and loves Disney.

We got up at a normal time on Black Friday, but decided to hit some shops later in the day before I flew out. I think we all got a few gifts... but, nothing too crazy!!! I didn't want to fly back to the real world.

When I got back Nick surprised me by having my Christmas tree up and some of my house decorated!!! I melted!!! How awesome!!! So we spent the rest of the night wrapping gifts... hey, that's my idea of a perfect night...

Perfect holiday. Gobbles.

KATELYN AND ME. This is Brenda's niece... She is 12... She is my mini me in a way telling me about the boys she likes and her sports and cheerleading. She is just adorable and lots of fun.

TWINS BLAYNE AND KEENAN. Brenda's cousin's grandbabies. Adorable. Too small... Scares me.






WHITE ELEPHANT AND BUNKO. I came home with Armor All... but, it was what I stole... They stole jewelry and Starbucks from me and I like to keep my car clean!!!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Find the Light Through The Darkness

There are a million things I could write about just because I haven't set down to write. I wonder why I write, but then I remember if I don't write I go insane because I am a WRITER at heart. No one really reads my blog because I don't have kids and I'm just me! But, atleast it's here for me and one day people will read it!!! I'm interesting!!!

So a million things... Like the fact it's Thanksgiving week and I'm so ready to fly to be with the family. Like the fact I've been insanely decorating and shopping for Christmas already and still have many presents to buy. And, I wonder... why oh why do we give so many gifts? I absolutely love it... I grew up an only child, grandchild and niece so I got a lot of gifts and we didn't do the drawing for who gets what blah blah blah... So I feel as if I should shower people with gifts... but, man, it's hard to figure out what some people really want! In my shoes this is who gets gifts: Dad (the most because he's Dad!), Brenda (who has already made a haul this year!), Nicholas, Nick's parents, Grandmommy, Alyssa, Aaliyah, Malachi, Xander, Steven, Ashley, Rylie, Saige and D'Layna... oh, and a gift for Secret Santa at work and Andrea's Christmas Party and probably another Christmas party that requires a gift (and that is why I love Christmas Tree Shops because I can get rocking gifts for less expense for these!)... too much fun to shop!!!

Another thing... Mom would be 58 this week. By gosh. She passed away at 48. I wonder what life would be like for her? I wonder what she would look like? I wonder what she would be doing? 58 seems so young now. She will be eating red velvet cake in Heaven. Funny thing... Red velvet is Nick's mom's favorite, too. Sometimes the things I cannot explain with Nick and my background blow me away. That's a small thing, but it's neat and unusual. Sure wish Mom could taste Dianne's red velvet cake.

On to the meat of my heart...

Today at church the preacher was talking about depression. He was saying sometimes our sadness should not be medicated. This was not his sermon, but he made a good point. A young girl who was depressed came to get meds from him. After speaking with her for a while he asked her what grieved her the most. After she confessed all of these things deep down she cried heavily and was a different person from then on. Without meds. Now, I'm not giving up my crazy anxiety pills just yet, that is not what I'm saying... and heck, I'll always be anxious. That's just me... but... this is interesting. What grieves us the most? What do we do that makes us feel God hates us? And, if you think about it, it weighs us down. Sometimes when I feel like God probably hates me I close up and I'm sad. I thought hard when he asked me that question. Why do you feel today God hates you? Why do you grieve? Well... for me... I'm always worrying and always thinking. I live in fear of the unknown. I'm afraid to walk outside for fear the tree will fall on my head... not really, but it seems like that at times. Always the What Ifs of life. I worry God is angry at me for this. I cannot help it. The way as women we sometimes gossip and say ugly things... and then I stop myself because I know I'm wrong. I've found myself now multiple times just smiling and staying out of the conversation and telling people not to be mean. But, sometimes... yes. We all fall short. I'm selfish and I feel horrible when I realize I'm being selfish. Yes, God still loves us when we do these things... but, I just realized it sure is hard to live this life that pleases God every single day. I mess up. We all mess up. And we have to just give it to God and ask Him to forgive us because it just festers and builds until we explode. We find the darkness if we do not go into the light.

That's my rant for today.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Neverchanging Stocking

I got stockings in the mail today and boy, was I excited... Weird, you say? Well, this season it seems to be about making new traditions... The short of the story is that Dad and Brenda are coming this way and decided I had to have a beautifully decorated lil space for them... so I then decided to spruce up my decor. Nick's mom has been helping me find some neat things... I've always decorated, but this is the first year for a tree!!! Growing up I was quite spoiled with our stockings... Granny Jac made Mom, Dad and I stockings... They are full of sequins and just gorgeous. Well, I knew Nick and Brenda needed a stocking... so I created two online through Personal Creations. They are amazing!!! I will hang them up beside Dad and mine (I thought about getting us all matching ones, but I refuse to retire the Granny Jac stocking because it rocks)... I already want to blast the music and decorate...

I don't like change. I've said this before... But, we knew last year we needed to grow. Look, after Mom passed away that first Christmas was horrendous trying to figure out how Dad and I could do Christmas Eve without her. Sitting on the floor exchanging gifts... It ripped our hearts out. I don't remember it too much, but I know we had to learn how to celebrate again. You have to remember I am an only child. My Christmas is not filled with screaming children running amuck. It was always me, Mom, Dad, Grandmommy, Granny Jac and sometimes Uncle Mike... that's it... We celebrated on another day with Grandaddy and Rae since Granny Jac didn't enjoy being in the same room... Christmas Eve for the past 25 years though has been spent at dinner with the Stewarts in Big Spring. I knew two years ago it was different when we didn't spend it at Ina's anymore... Ina is the grandmother... I knew the spirit was different as everyone was getting older. I love every year seeing my second family and my "sister" Stephanie... She was a gymnast at Boise State so she didn't come home much at all during college. I also knew last year that with Nick one of us had to budge with our stubborn feelings on our own traditions. We aren't married, my gosh, but we had to grow as a couple...

We do Thanksgiving with Brenda's family and spend parts of the holidays each year in Oklahoma with my stepbrother's family... Brenda's daughter moved up North this year so they will not be with us. So my family is coming this way with Nick's family... It's different and it's scary. It was hard on me at first when we did the integrated Christmas with Brenda's family because it was just different. No matter how much time passes I wonder why holidays still tear at our hearts? Grandmommy is at the age where she doesn't cook anymore and she swears she needs no gifts... though we still find her things!!! I don't know how that will work... How will we see Grandmommy in Snyder if we are in Dallas and Oklahoma? We will figure it out... I know... we always do... It's a big change for all of us... We seem to have done it so many times before that it just seems normal.

I look back in wonder that Dad and Mom had it so easy... yet so different. They knew they would go to Snyder because they were both from there... Dad's parents were divorced though and that had to be hard to figure out who gets "left out." They never let me know it was weird. It's hard as we grow up and our lives grow and change that we have to mold along with it. I have spent many holidays in a news station. I spent Christmas morning of 2005 crying in an airport on my way back to the news... Change. I promised myself I would always be with my family. I would not leave my Dad out of holidays because he has been through all of the changes with me. Family is the most important thing in our lives... the love of it all. The holidays though they change... the one constant that stays is FAMILY. Family might not mean relatives... it might mean friends... The Stewarts have been our very best friends all of these years through the changes... As we add people to our families... as the stockings of Joe Mark and Julie meet their matches of Brenda and Nick... it's all about the constant through all of the waves... LOVE.

This is how much I love my stocking...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010