Friday, January 6, 2012

30-Year Old Julie

My new thought process is, "Would 30 year old Julie wear this?" "Would 30 year old Julie like this?" "Would 30 year old Julie do this?" This helps me figure out what clothes to donate and what I want to do for the night and what I eat... so forth. It also makes me realize as I told Nick "30 year old Julie still likes Disney Channel," and as I spot a bunny rabbit, "30 year old Julie likes bunnies." You just don't grow up all the way. Nope. Never. She's just smarter. Wiser. More fierce. A tiny bit more assertive? Hopefully. She sure doesn't wear some of the crazy outfits she wore in college. 25 year old Julie didn't wear those either so there really is no change!

Maybe I should take January to speak about turning 30. Blogging about it. In ten days the 20s are gone. Not that they have been great or bad. I don't even know what to say about the decade. I graduated college, moved to Abilene, moved to Tyler, moved to Dallas, was a news reporter then a marketing lady all lost in what I truly want for myself. I've seen so many things happen in a short period of ten years.

I've seen life transition in ways I never understood. I've seen friends I never thought change and morph into someone I never knew. I've seen society make people a little too high and mighty. Kindness from strangers and a love for the elderly. I realize the oldest people I ever knew are being replaced with the younger people I once knew. My friends talk about their children and wrinkles instead of boys and basking in the sun. Though we all age in a sense I can still get in the floor and play with young children. The magic of Santa Claus doesn't seem to ever totally fade away. I'm supposed to cook and clean and tend to a home. We all wonder why we ever had to grow up. But, then if never had we grown up we would be stuck as children never feeling respect and never fully understanding life.

I lost my mother when I was 19 so I don't count it in the 20s. I spent many years in my 20s trying to sort it out. She never knew me this age and I wonder what she would think and how she would give me advice on life. I wonder what she was like at this age. If she had lived this long it might not have been so great because she was always pretty ill and it would have gotten worse over the years making us worry about her even more. Most people at 30 haven't faced some of the weird losses I have faced, but maybe it's a blessing. As in I lost my mother, grandmother, another grandmother, good friend... all very quickly in a split second. It did save me a lot of heartache of having to watch them go over a long period of time. The age old question of what is the best way to go? If I'm being unselfish like I should be in family thoughts I would say I'm so glad it happened to Dad's three closest people in a fast way because I don't want to see him suffer like I remember when Grandaddy passed over a period of a few months. Dad doesn't need that. He's strong, but the soul can only take so much before it cracks. Still I get a bit envious at people with great grandparents and grandparents who are 90, but that's just how it is. My Adams family is very special filled with many ages. We don't all get to see each other a lot and the oldest is 91 years old. Such a special family we have. I am very blessed when I think of it like that.

People say 30 is the beginning of everything. 30 is when you don't have to climb so hard to figure everything out. I'm nowhere near where I want to be, but it will come in time. I want a house with a husband and one day a dog and kids. The kids thing scares me to high heaven, but it's in the idea of perfection. I knew at 22 I wouldn't be sitting in a newsroom saying I've been there for eight years. Dad always asked why there were no older reporters... because they got smart with money and their social life, he would say. Yep. Should have listened sooner, but man, I had a blast.

Sometimes my soul is old. Sometimes my soul is so young. 30 year old Julie is the same person, yet different. God will never let us stop growing as people. The best thing about 30 year old Julie is that she knows God, puts family first, does not take relationships for granted, dotes on animals, will push a train out of the way for just about anyone, will give a dollar to the homeless if it is the last one in the wallet, laughs through tears, is learning to be a good cook, cleans baseboards on occasion and loves with all her heart. That Julie will never change... okay, except maybe the baseboards thing... The world never stops spinning so why should we?

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