I call The Oscars my Superbowl. I just love it so much. I have my acceptance speech and everything! Growing up I always wanted to be an actress... then I decided I'd just be a local celebrity and maybe win an Emmy as a reporter. I loved being a local celebrity and I loved even signing autographs - let's backtrack quickly - I signed TWO in my four years as a reporter! Sometimes I define myself so much in that and I miss it so much, but right now at this point in life I knew if I stayed a reporter I would not have much of a social life and I would not make much money for years and I would be far away from my family. Sometimes even as a Christian I forget what is most important in life and I only remember how much I absolutely love the limelight. Some can have both, but it comes with years and years of sacrifice and moving from state to state. Four of my friends; Jane, Melissa, Desmond and Kim are on the news in Dallas and it took them giving up so much of their lives and moving four times before getting here; Jane had to go to Denver, Missy went to a few different states and got fired and then laid off at another station, Desmond was let go in Tyler, Kim went all around Texas before landing here finally... Wow. Right now I choose my life. I dated an actor right when I moved to Dallas. He told me about this commercial and that commercial and this Indie filming and that horror film... He had to wait long periods between work ... and who knows if he will ever "make" it? I had an epiphany that ever being an actual actor would be insanely difficult. Here I am still wondering what I will be when I grow up? I could still win an Oscar... but, I'd rather feel love around me.
Life has started to be very busy since Spring is finally beginning to swirl. Jana moved back to Dallas and I have gotten to see her a lot lately. It's so good to have her back as my sounding board!!! This weekend a bunch of my co workers went out for dinner for Brittany's birthday... so fun as we laughed for hours. Last night we went to BlackFinn for Justin's birthday and sat outside by the fire. I loved it. As the cold weather wears away it seems we all come out of hibernation. I just don't look that pretty in the winter!!!
I've been working on some blogs of inspiration, but they haven't come together yet. I didn't write a memorial on Mom's anniversary because it all seemed to swirl together in the wrong way and the words just seemed like I had used them a million times before. For right now I will just say the day was hard and it will always be hard no matter how many years. Nick made me a fire and we sat and talked in front of it. I'll explain it all in my blog when I can get it together in the right way. The date cannot define me. What defines us? That is the premesis of it. I don't always remember Mom because it is often too difficult, but today I had a funny memory I would like to share... Nick and I were at church today... I remembered after Sunday School so many times Dad would be at work and I would walk out to see Mom patiently awaiting for me to go home as often I got out before their class. We would go through the drive thru usually at Long John Silvers then go home and watched the shows we taped from Friday night! It just made me smile because we had this fun ritual. I always make Nick go eat with me or like today we went to Wal Mart and bought things to cook. It's a ritual! In my family you read the newspaper after church... but, with us we don't get the newspaper so we just talk about the sermon. Church is a family ritual that can go back for centuries... Just the way it makes you feel with the ones you love... See... This is why I choose my life. Don't let me forget that when I whine that I miss news.