Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Crazy Wisdom

I’m annoyed that at one time I thought Lindsay Lohan was going to be special.

Tonight I am cooking for Geoff and Nick. It’s a sad thing that I am not very domestic. I broke out Granny Jac’s cookbook in hopes of finding some manly food. Then I stood in the meat section for like five minutes staring at the meat. I decided on boneless chicken with lots of spicy marinades and toast… and ummm… I have no clue what else to serve. Why can’t they just eat salad like girls and be happy?!

The river trip is in two days and I am getting so excited. I have now bought two new swimsuits. I don’t know why. I have a million. There are about thirty of us staying in one huge home on the river. And I get to see Tiffy! Her baby shower is right there in San Antonio. I worked hard on her gift, too. She is my second family!

The doctor had this bright thought to help my anxiety levels I should take sleeping medication. I am not a psychiatrist, but with my battles all of my life obsessing over weight and worry and even gum… seems a bit of an addictive personality to me. I accept it. He says the lack of sleep could be effecting my serotonin levels thus effecting my anxiety levels I don’t remember sleeping a whole night in years and years. I did take the pills the last two nights and truthfully I don’t enjoy them. So happy to say I won’t be getting addicted anytime soon. It’s so embarrassing to tell people about my anxiety that I do not know! “Hello, I am a bit crazy.” I believe it is just a part of me and really there is no cure. Nick explains it as I had a horrid thing happen in my life when I lost my mother. It flipped everything upside down and when a great fear like that actually happens you have to face it and just live with it. That must mean living with the anxiety of wondering if everything bad will happen to you from then on?

Speaking of… Dad and Brenda have been on the cruise now for a few days. They called this morning from Jamaica. My anxiety levels have been high and I find that utterly ridiculous. Of course they aren’t going to call. They are in the middle of the ocean. It’s expensive. Rationally I know this. Irrationally they have been left on the island as sharkbait. They are having a blast. I cannot wait to see their pictures!

In other news… I told everyone at lunch yesterday I had the wisdom to carry with them the rest of their lives. I told them they need to treat everyone like they are talking to God. They thought I was crazy. I meant… by always being yourself and down to earth and gracious. Ahhhh if one could only live in my head for a day they’d learn great things!


Pleasant Drive said...

You're such a wise girl! I read something along those same lines in a marriage book the other day. I need to treat Brian as I would treat the Lord, whether or not he deserves that kind of treatment. Our treatment of people is an act of worship to our Father.

Megan said...

I have actually been dealing with anxiety for about 4 years now. I take medicine for it, but sometimes (like just this week) I feel like i'm going to pass out. Sometime I do pass out. I try to calm myself down but what usually ends up happening is I'm so focused on trying to breathe that I don't breathe. Yes, I just shared ALL of this with a complete stranger. :) I like your blog, and you are so pretty!

Anonymous said...

Hey Jules...I have the same anxiety/panic disorder and I use to take meds. Finally, my doc gave me meds to, though I never had to use them, just knowing I had them was a big relief.

The mere thought of having another attack provokes fear itself and can lead to another episode. I take deep breaths from my gut/diaphram and it helps.

Otherwise, I just hyperventalate. The good news is that no one ever died from this, but it sure feels like you might when you are having an episode. Make sure you don't get too tired. You have to take really good care of your mind, body and soul.

HALT is a good acronymn for
H- Never get too hungry
A- Never get too angry
L- Never get too lonely
T- Never get too tired.

I think your man is right about your life, with your world being turned upside down. I am so glad you have a man that is so good to you and loves you.

You are so worthy and so deserving, so just let go and receive all the blessings that our Father in heaven wants you to have.

Loved the Emmaeus Walk testimonial about your cousin. God is so good

Later, Pam