Wednesday, July 16, 2008

"This Too Shall Pass"

"This too shall pass."

These are the words from Grandmommy's lips as I told her about the tough times. I reminded her those are the same words she used in the limo on the way to my mother's funeral.

Jessica says my strength for friends amazes her in loss. She believes God put me in some lives for that reason. Her grandmother's funeral is today. And all I've done is be there listening and in spirit. I have no words of Yoda.

Nick called at 9 pm crying as he said his grandfather let go. He waited until five minutes after the family left for food to pass away. Wow. Nick said he knew God had reasoning and he understood he would get through it, but it was so difficult. I sat there finding it insanely difficult not to be selfish. On this side we want that person to open up and we want to understand them, but it is all about them in that moment. Not us. So when he called at that time I was very quiet and I just whispered, "Oh Nick, I'm so sorry." I hate those words and it was cliche. But, I meant every single word. And he called back late to share memories and share his heart as he sat outside his grandfather's house under the stars. In that moment we realize there are no words of advice. Of course not. I hate when people give you all the bullcorn they should be saying. I want to hear that this is tough stuff and we're just all going to have to trudge through it. In tragedy families and friends bond together under God to just pull one another through everything. Nick has an extraordinarily tight family and he is surrounded in spirit by such amazing friends. He said he learned everything about his work ethic from his grandfather and he always wanted to be just like him. My thought... he already is... and thank the Lord for that fact.

In the past four months I have lost my own grandmother and shared in the losses of grandparents with Keele Bisping, Andrea Mayard and Jessica Cobos. Four months. Chandra reminded me today of how difficult it was to deal with me when Mom passed away. She said I was stone and acted as if nothing happened for months. It is very hard to be on the outside not knowing how someone reacts and deals with things. We all choose our paths. Keele went into a cave. Jessica reached out. Andrea gave it all to God. With Mom I ran away. With Granny Jac I just got very serious and tried to let others in. And I prayed last night about Jessica's words. Sylvia says I take the pain of others and feel it too much. I wondered why... the only reason I can comprehend is the fact that I know the pain of loss. Does that make you a grief expert? No. But, knowing that speechless pain is just horrifying. Knowing you cannot fix it. It's weird because the strength I give to others in loss is just love from God through me. I don't have it all of the time. It really comes from nowhere and it is purely genuine as if I just want to give all of the love into that person to just help them for a second. Nick says loss will hit one for a long time and it will hurt a long time, but in that time one knows it's all in God's plan.

So today as Jessica sits at the funeral of her grandmother and as Nick goes through those days of shock before the funeral of his grandfather the hearts and spirits of those that love them are standing right there. Knowing the hardest day is yet to come. Knowing there are no words. Knowing this too shall pass.

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