It's been a long and hard week. Professionally and personally. I realized at one point I was trying to carry everyone else's burdens and forgot I had my own. We are all fighting a battle. This weekend I have a wedding then a funeral. Weird combination. I got out a beautiful red dress that I bought a long time ago and never wore for the wedding. Not sure what I will wear to the funeral. It's Nick's grandfather. I was unable to go to his other grandfather's funeral a few months ago. He met me the day before my own grandmother passed away. I always shake at funerals. I believe it is my subconscious from my mother's funeral. I was in such shock that I don't remember much of it except as if it was in photographs flashing in front of me. Feeling nothing at that time broke parts of me forever.
The air outside is getting crisp. It always brings me back to my days of high school. I remember coming home from basketball practice to a fire in the fireplace. I yearn for those days at times. Nick laughed at me as we took a walk the other night and I told him sometimes I peer into windows looking into others' lives as I walk. I watch them cooking and laughing around the television. I absolutely loved sitting in front of the fireplace with my parents. It's just all about a sense of family. That same night Nick and I had dinner with his parents and his brother came as well. For one moment I forgot we were in our 20s just enjoying a visit. It felt like we were back home like those times growing up. I pray one day I have my own little family and I can make memories like the ones I cherish so much.