Wednesday, March 4, 2009


I had an epiphany this week and I want to relate it to my relationship with God. I will come right out and say it. I am skeptical of God's actions at times. Oh no... did she just say that? We all think it. We fear to say it because we fear "punishment." I yearn to be one of those Christians that is in total trust of God's journey for me. I can say I am, but then in times when I am knocked to my knees left staring at the dust I look up to him and just shrug my shoulders in confusion.

My boyfriend made me see this in a different light.

Nick was helping me do many things with my new condo. He was hanging things here and there, fixing up the cable system, painting the kitchen, even helping me set up new electricity... You get my drift... We had been working hard on the area rug trying to make the furniture fit perfectly. I noticed that I kept cringing worrying he would forget to pull this or forget to put this piece back. All week I had done that. Would he forget to check on my health insurance? Would he help with my CraigsList ad? And... all week I put total faith in him because I knew he wouldn't forget a thing. I knew he would get it all done with flying colors. Because I totally trust him to do what he says. I totally trust him to follow through and even hang the small cross back up that has fallen off the wall... I never worried something wouldn't get done. So if I can put this total trust into people... why can't I do this with God?

I can give things to God as I pray... but, I get caught up in worrying when He will finish them for me. I put it in His hands and then I say... Hello... Are you still working on that? I'd like that now. Can you please help me? I'm waiting. God has everything in front of Him. He knows what is going to happen and He knows it is difficult for me to wonder what is going to happen... but maybe He teaches me that? I get very confused when God puts these huge obstacles in my way and I wonder how the heck I am supposed to trust Him through that piece of fire. What I should be doing is just going through the motions, walking through the fire and just holding His hand the entire way just waiting to be shown the light.

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